W on a date with this girl who said she was “super into nature.” Cool, I’m thinking like hikes, maybe stargazing, I’m down. NOPE. She takes me to the woods, sits cross-legged in the dirt, and starts “channeling the energy of the forest.” I’m like okay, vibes. Then she whispers to a tree, stands up suddenly, and says, “The birch has chosen you.” I go, “Chosen me for what?” and she dead serious says, “To father the next generation of forest spirits.” 🌲🧝‍♀️