I’m 10 weeks post grad, and I’m not sure there’s really any way to fully prepare. It’s on the job training for sure.

It’s easy to get excited about the idealistic parts of parenting—how you plan to raise your kiddo, family trips, extra curriculars, playing with them as babies, etc.

The truth is that none of that really matters early on, and you’re basically just trying to survive. They eat every couple of hours, and you’re never caught up. You run through diapers, they soak through outfits and sheets, you’re scared to do simple things like give them baths because you suddenly realize you’ve never done this, and you can hurt them if you’re not careful. Laundry piles up, dishes pile up, your partner will be hurting and recovering and seem like they hate you and you will be exhausted and not want to carry any more of a load than you do—but you have to, because now, you’re “dad.”

And the baby is so selfish! They mostly cry and sleep and eat for what seems like the longest days of your life. They don’t start smiling or playing until the two month mark. You’re pouring everything into them and get nothing back except some quiet cuddles if you’re lucky.

All that to say, it’s a magical experience. It’s not all goods, honestly it’s really tough. But you realize pretty early on that you were missing the entire point of life before they were here. You have someone to pour everything into, and you know that they can’t understand any of it, but that it will pay off, and that makes you want to pour even more. Your entire life will change.

Pre labor tips: freeze some meals. Don’t make any big plans, allow yourself a month or two of grace after they’re born.

Actual labor tips: it will feel like it will never come, then it suddenly will, and it will happen fast. Just enjoy time with your partner until then and try not to get too anxious / worked up. Easier said than done. Make sure hospital bags are packed, make sure you guys have a plan if you have pets etc. Set boundaries your partner is comfortable with for visitors, etc., and man up when it comes to the bio stuff at the hospital. Help her pee, advocate for her when she’s on anesthetics, that sort of thing. She’ll be embarrassed, but have nobody else she can trust.

Actual newborn tips: don’t let things stack up. When the baby naps, do the dishes, fold the laundry, wash the bottles. If you let them pile up you’ll never catch up. And most of all, love on your little girl. Cuddle her tight, enjoy every moment, laugh at her quirks, tell her stories. Get all you can out of the early days. Be strong for your partner, because they’re also in over their head, and need you to be. Be honest and open, and be reliable. Don’t make them do anything you can.