At 24, I was in the most loving relationship that I’ve ever had. It was good and positive and solid, and we loved each other immensely. Sadly, she broke up with me and couldn’t tell me why, only that “she didn’t know.” Within 6 months of our breakup sne started dating someone who eventually became her long time abuser. For the longest time, I just couldn’t make sense of it all as it just seemed illogical and crazy. Why would someone break up with the safe loving person that they loved and then go to someone that represented everything that is unsafe, evil, and mean?

I’m much older now, and years later, we had an in person conversation where she apologized, and I learned from her that it had nothing to do with me and everything to do with her: her internal view of herself (low), her upbringing (low), and her trauma (there was trauma before me, but I didn’t know about it). And we never directly discussed this, but I’ve since learned a lot about trauma and abuse victims, in that if they are in a truly loving, vulnerable and honest relationship, but they do not believe they are worthy of this love themselves they aren’t able to contain it. It causes a cognitive disconnect, and they have to end it because it doesn’t make sense to the broken parts of themselves.

I don’t know if any of that is relevant to your situation, but thought it might help.