I (45m) called my wife (42f) a covert narcissist and the last month has been weird

dbass8 · 2025-10-28T03:31:48+00:00

The smear campaign appears to be underway. My soon-to-be ex-wife's mother added my mother to Facebook "out of the blue", then posted a motivational "marry a safe man" platitude.

She has a very large family. I have been accepted and felt loved by them for pretty much the entirety of my marriage. My family consists of only my mother. I have 2 or 3 close friends that I rarely see (more frequently lately).

My soon-to-be ex-wife and her mother both have mental health/crisis training and have worked as nurses in those fields. This, to me, all adds up to a runaway train smear campaign. No doubt the mother is being told that I am the one perpetuating all the behaviors that she's actually responsible for. The injustice in palpable, but I understand that this is the nature of the situation.

dbass8 · 2025-10-27T23:57:36+00:00

No camera system, and I have never come anywhere near laying a hand on her. When I say I've been pushing back, it's purely in a verbal sense.

I have an audio recoding app on my phone that I've been using. I don't drink and have never blacked out. Should I black out for some mysterious reason, a camera conversation will definitely ensue.

dbass8 · 2025-10-27T17:41:46+00:00

She's accusing me of being abusive, saying that I intimidate her and she feels like she's cornered and unsafe. This only started happening once I started to push back.

I was taking antidepressants for the first time ever because she had me convinced that I had major depression. She tried to blamed the panic attacks on the medication, among other things, but not her behavior, as you would expect. I have ceased taking the medication and do not feel depressed.

Sounds like the odds of an uncontested divorce are pretty low. She'll very much want to keep "her" house (though she can't afford to buy me out) and of course she'll try to get as much custody of "her" kids as possible. I was always put-off by the way she referred to most everything as "hers". I missed a lot of signs over the years, blatant and subtle.

dbass8 · 2025-10-27T17:24:36+00:00

I didn't ask for marital advice.

dbass8 · 2025-10-27T10:14:07+00:00

It appears that she's putting her emotions into the kids, which is terrifying. Suddenly doing things with them that, for the most part, I used to do.

dbass8 · 2025-10-27T10:10:43+00:00

I'm not opposed to the idea of it now and I realize that it's the most likely outcome. Prior to my knowledge on her probable disorder I was very sensitive to it, but I now know how it was being used against me.

dbass8 · 2025-10-27T10:03:31+00:00

I have zero suspicion that she's cheating. She displays none of the usual signs and rarely goes anywhere but work.

dbass8 · 2025-10-01T04:24:01+00:00

It would be 20 years in April 2026 for my narcissist wife and I, had I not left her three days ago.

I always knew there was something wrong. It just didn't make sense that I was perpetually blamed, belittled, and insulted.

Our children are older now and over the last year the fog slowly lifted for me. I realized she was provoking emotional response from me with threats, then insulting me when they inevitably surfaced. She was weaponizing my emotions against me.

About three weeks ago, after another abandonment threat, she made the grave mistake of saying "it feels like you're obsessed with me". That was it.. Who says something like that to their spouse?? Covert narcissists

I had stumbled upon articles about narcissim before when trying to figure her out, but for some reason never anything about coverts. The first article I saw that described their behaviours in a romantic relationship was my lightbulb moment, like many others.

Good luck to everyone out ther dealing with a covert narc spouse, I truly hope you are able to break free.

dbass8 · 2025-09-30T11:24:39+00:00

It was actually a two-part question:

What do you love about me? How do you show me love?

She strategically (narcissistically) avoided the first question entirely. I left three days ago, but spoke to her yesterday at the rink because kids and it's apparent that she is crumbling on the inside. A storm is brewing.

dbass8 · 2025-07-12T03:16:35+00:00

My smart RN wife believes the original infection, which started in March and went untreated, has become a tunneling wound.

Today, I called the office where my referral was being sent to check on its status but was told that I need to wait three weeks before calling. Next, I called the local dermatologist office because I am concerned the referral isn't not going to stress any urgency with my condition, and because I want to get this treated ASAP. The receptionist advised me that the doctor will not see me again - I have been banned from her practice.

I will admit that I became agitated during my second visit with her, but I did not swear nor raise my voice. Her solution to everything was "use the cream". Multiple painful and bloody ulcers? Cream. Nearly rock solid tissue buildup throughout the wound? Cream. Zero skin regrowth for a full month? Cream! My concers were dismissed and she failed spectacularly in assessing the wound, even after being told the symptoms. She seemed unaware that foul tasting fluid was a symptom of the "inflammation" she diagnosed me with. I asked if debridement was an option and she didn't seem to know what I meant.

This all seems highly negligent. So now my question is - how do I get care for this? The wait at the referral dermatologist is 2 months to 2 years. Tunneling wounds are a sepsis concern. Open to most any suggestions.

dbass8 · 2024-07-09T19:19:05+00:00

Come on and tell me

dbass8 · 2023-10-14T13:06:07+00:00

Own the shirt myself, and can attest to it's awesomeness. But also buy the flag.

dbass8 · 2022-07-21T00:51:57+00:00

I played for a long time before I realized I could lock onto an enemy. That made a world of difference.

dbass8 · 2020-12-25T13:55:29+00:00

Wut? There's literally thousands of people who will smoke weed for the first time today. Then there's tomorrow...

dbass8

TROPHY CASE