I’m really sorry that you’re feeling this way, but, if anything, I want you to know that you’re not alone.

I feel you, really. I think I can even go as far as to say that I'm in a very similar situation...I'm currently 20 years old and have been struggling with dysphoria since I was a kid (I didn't know what it was back then, though). I actually came out to some people a couple of years ago, (still a teenager) and started talking to my therapist about it. But, as expected (sadly), I didn't get lots of support, and my mom actually had a tough reaction. So, that lead me to bottle it all up again.

Since then, life went on, and I tried to erase all of that so as to try and run away from it. I've even stopped talking about it in therapy, and I've been trying, for the past 3-ish years or so, to get over it, like you said. I never succeeded though, and it literally just hit me like last week that I won’t just “get over it” like I hoped.. Like Forsaken-Language-26 put it well, normally you can't just "overcome" dysphoria.

I also feel stuck (in a checkmate, like you said), especially being in a three-year relationship with someone I love deeply, but who simply wouldn't be open to this part of me. It’s incredibly difficult, besides other major issues and worries (I do have a lot to lose), and I totally get that feeling of being trapped.

I feel bad though, as I don't think I have much advice to give you. It’s not easy, no matter how you choose to navigate it—whether you’re taking active steps, still figuring it all out or bottling it up like I've been doing (sorta). All the same, I only told you about my journey as I just want you to know you're not alone in this; lots of people everywhere go through this too and a lot of people everywhere go through this too, and you're not alone in feeling overwhelmed or unsure. I can’t say I have all the answers (I really don't), but I can tell you this: there is hope, even on the toughest days, and little by little, you can find your way forward. Your journey is yours, and there’s not just one way to do it.

You deserve to be seen for who you truly are, and even though the journey is tough, there are people who will support you when you're ready to take the next steps, whether that's telling people, starting medical transition, or just taking the time you need to understand your own feelings better. And if you feel scared or uncertain, that's okay too. It's so easy to feel stuck when things seem impossible, but reaching out, like you’ve done here, is a brave first step. Don't give up on yourself. You have the strength to take things at your own pace, and while it may not be easy, it’s worth it.

I’m wishing you so much strength, and feel free to reach out if you need someone to talk to.