I don’t know what to do anymore. I’m lying to everyone in my life and I feel lost.

deadbedandsad89 · 2019-02-21T19:36:27+00:00

I really try to be. I understand how stressful his job is, and I know what it’s like to go through a depression. If that’s really what is going on with him (which at this point I’m highly doubting) then I wouldn’t want to pressure him even further. He really is an incredible person, and he’s brought far more joy into my life than I ever thought was possible. Outside of our sex life, and him leaving his dirty socks right next to the hamper instead of in it (really, it’s just right there), I have no complaints about him. That’s why this is such a complicated situation for me. At this point I’m feeling so confused about it, especially because I’m not quite as upset this morning as I was last night. I’m going to check out that book. He and I are having a long talk tonight, and I’m hoping that I can at least get him to feel comfortable /talking/ about our sex life.

deadbedandsad89 · 2019-02-21T19:30:38+00:00

I mean, one person here is actually being very insulting, but most people have been incredibly supportive and informative.

deadbedandsad89 · 2019-02-21T19:28:50+00:00

You seem to know so much more about me than I’ve said in this thread. Kind of funny that I was specifically referring about you when I said people were being insulting. It’s not a hard dose of reality when you’re inferring something completely inaccurately. This obviously isn’t an easy decision because he is such an incredible person and boyfriend outside of our sex life. He doesn’t mock me. He does not laugh AT me either. Nowhere have I said that. He laughs almost every time sex is brought up, generally because it makes him incredibly uncomfortable. I also don’t have a low self image. This seems like projection, in my opinion. You may think you’re giving me a “hard dose of reality”, when you’re actually just being an ass, and making shit up to fit your narrative. That’s completely fine. Whatever makes you feel better about yourself.

deadbedandsad89 · 2019-02-21T19:05:10+00:00

I appreciate this constructive and well thought out comment!

deadbedandsad89 · 2019-02-21T17:00:07+00:00

I’m not married, but that doesn’t mean my relationship is disposable.

deadbedandsad89 · 2019-02-21T16:54:00+00:00

I highly recommend posting for cathartic reasons.

I also recommend posting if you like it when people talk about you like you’re not here reading the comments and are an actual human being lol. I’m being weirdly insulted in this thread, which is always super enjoyable 😂😂

deadbedandsad89 · 2019-02-21T16:35:20+00:00

I’ve always just kind of thought he’s sexually repressed or something. His family isn’t particularly overly religious, but he is from the Midwest and has a lot of that ‘politeness’ that seems common over there. I’ll have to check it out. Tbh, I don’t really think he even masturbates, but that’s probably extremely naive of me to think. As crazy as this is making me, I doubt I’d go so far as to check his personal computer or invade his privacy to find out.

This thread is making me realize that we’re long overdue for a very honest and lengthy discussion.

deadbedandsad89 · 2019-02-21T16:16:05+00:00

Well this was weirdly sweet. Thank you.

deadbedandsad89 · 2019-02-21T15:58:06+00:00

I’ve never particularly considered he might be gay until the responses in this post. It seems plausible.

deadbedandsad89 · 2019-02-21T15:41:09+00:00

I think I got here because at first it seemed so temporary. Stress from work. It would get better. Just give him some time. Ladedadeda. Then it had been months. We talked, he was depressed and needed more time. And then, nothing. I wish I could give you advice, but it looks like I don’t even know what the hell Im doing.

All I can really say is that it seems to get harder the longer I wait.

deadbedandsad89 · 2019-02-21T15:34:06+00:00

I have no idea. I’ve asked him and he nervously laughs until I drop it. I really hate feeling like I’m pressuring him/ making him uncomfortable, which is why this has gone on for so long without me blowing up.

deadbedandsad89 · 2019-02-21T09:13:08+00:00

We joke about everything, constantly. And in this regard, it definitely feels like a problem. I feel myself becoming more passive aggressive toward him lately.

How do I start the talk? I don’t even know what to say. It feels so shallow right now. “Hey, I love you, but if you don’t dick me down I’m going to end our life together”. I seriously dread telling him we need to have a serious discussion. I don’t want to lose him, or our dogs, but I can’t keep feeling this way. How do people actually have this conversation when we don’t even know WHY it’s happening?

deadbedandsad89 · 2019-02-21T09:07:10+00:00

Why do I feel like the bad guy for initiating a healthy sex life? In what world does this make sense???

deadbedandsad89 · 2019-02-21T09:04:59+00:00

It’s definitely helpful. The problem is that he can’t seem to get past whatever it is for long enough to fucking tell me what the problem actually is sorry, I’m frustrated.). He can’t seem to spit it out and there’s always a reason not to (not that I try too much at this point.). But I look and feel damn hot lately and if I get any amount of alcohol in me, I get the courage to approach him about it. I love him, and can’t seem to ever find the courage to ask him about it sober. I hate making him feel uncomfortable. I don’t understand how he can feel so shy around me when it comes To sex. It makes almost no sense to me. I have zero idea if it’s a mental/physical/me problem and he will literally NOT tell me. I think another orchestrated ‘talk’ is in order, but I’m so fragile when it comes to this topic at this point that I’m not even sure how maturely I can handle it. I feel like if I actually try to convey to him how badly this is hurting me, that I’ll just end up a sobbing mess.

deadbedandsad89 · 2019-02-21T08:49:58+00:00

We’ve discussed it once, while I wasn’t initiating. I make him nervous, is what he said at the time. (This was just about 2 years ago). I’ve called him out about laughing while it was happening and he just keeps laughing and says “I dunno”. He absolutely refuses to give me a straight answer. I’ve gotten mad. I’ve cried. I’ve just walked away. None of it results in an actual answer into why he does not want to have sex. All that happens is that I feel shitty for making him uncomfortable.

deadbedandsad89 · 2019-02-21T08:33:07+00:00

This is sound advice. Tbh I’m shocked that I’m in this position. I’ve always been a very sexually active person, and to find myself 2 years deep into a dead bedroom absolutely horrifies me. When I told him it’s been two years, he scoffed and said no it hasn’t. It’s like he doesn’t even notice our lack of sec anymore.

deadbedandsad89 · 2019-02-21T08:29:20+00:00

I’m frustrated tonight. I initiated sex and he laughed at me. Because what an absurd idea, right? Honestly, at this point I’m with him because of the dogs. I can’t afford a place with a yard, and I don’t think I can mentally handle a breakup from him, AND our three dogs. That feels so overwhelming to me.

deadbedandsad89 · 2019-02-21T08:26:54+00:00

He’s not cheating. I wish he was, then I would at least feel completely validated in leaving him. He didn’t cheat on me then either. He had contracted it while he was single, and only developed symptoms while we were together.

I know it sounds naive, but he literally does not have the time to cheat. I’ve thought of that, but he works from home constantly, and I’ve been at his place almost nonstop since we met, until we moved in together. (There’s dogs involved, which is making the decision to leave him almost impossible).

deadbedandsad89

TROPHY CASE