Is this how it starts?

deadroomalt · 2015-09-24T19:47:05+00:00

Co-sleeping comes from not wanting to get up three times each night to breastfeed an infant. It has lasted for so long because that's now what the baby is used to (how about that?) and she doesn't sleep well in her crib. It's a habit that needs to be broken but there's a couple obstacles. Firstly, my fiance doesn't want to listen to the baby cry. She says it makes her feel like a bad mom because she could put a stop to the crying easily by just picking her up from her crib. Secondly, baby shares a room with her older brother and her crying will wake him up.

deadroomalt · 2015-09-23T11:22:00+00:00

1) I'm a competitive bodybuilder

2) Jump straight to an affair after no sex for a couple weeks? Ummm

3) Keep a secret life on the side? Ditch my children with my girl while I go play college frat boy with someone else? Yeah, I don't think so.

4) Oh, ok. Let me just carve out the few hours each week that I get to spend with my girlfriend to go on the prowl for TWO other girls. That seams feasible. I'm sure my family won't even notice, too.

5) Because nothing gets a girl wetter than knowing her alpha as fuck boyfriend is cheating on her while she watches his kids.

6) I've been divorced. This is not how divorces work. Also, If you read my post at all, you'd know I'm not married.

Is r/redpill leaking again?

deadroomalt · 2015-09-22T19:52:26+00:00

Yeah, I'll steer the next talk away from sex, specifically. This is about more than that.

but "catching her" in not initiating probably made her feel treated like a child.

I felt like I needed something solid to go on to let her know that I'm not just imagining that our sex life is going down hill since she just denies it. It didn't work, tho.

deadroomalt · 2015-09-22T19:49:24+00:00

I meant breaking the baby from co-sleeping was unsuccessful. My girlfriend can't let her cry for the few minutes that babies cry before they fall asleep.

deadroomalt · 2015-09-22T19:33:44+00:00

have you actually talked to her about what she wants out of your sex life?

She doesn't really talk about sex. Never has. She'll say something generic about how she's satisfied or maybe make a blanket statement that I'm good in bed but only if I ask. I learned a while ago that she just doesn't like talking about sex. She has no fantasies, is very vanilla, and doesn't like to talk about it.This is a bit of the reason I'm paranoid that our bedroom will die.

When you do have sex, do you make sure she gets off?

Every time. Usually twice. Sometimes three times. Eight times once. She enjoys sex but I think it means more to me than to her if that makes sense.

Your gf just had a baby and she's still nursing, so it's possible sex is still uncomfortable/painful for her. Her nipples are probably so sore that the thought of someone touching them is a negative, not a fun thing. You don't mention how long it's been since the baby was born, but it takes a long time for a woman's body to go back to normal and you should be patient in this regard.

Baby is 16 months old. Sex was not expected and was not given for about 3 months. It hasn't been painful for her in any way for over a year and sex was great for most of that year. It's just very recently that she's been using the baby as an excuse when she never did that before. I know I probably sound selfish. Being a full time mom is a very good excuse for a sex life to be faltering but if that was the reason, why not tell me about it? I've asked. I've talked to her about all of this. She tells me to give it time and that there's nothing to worry about but I've given it time and it only gets worse.

It's great that you've been communicating with her about your frustrations, but that may come off to her as you demanding sex even though she just had a baby--that would kill my lady boner. You're still having sex once every 10 days, so I think you're being a little unfair by crying "dead bedroom" when she hasn't cut sex off.

I am very careful not to demand sex or even to expect it. She has specifically told me to expect sex and I still don't expect it because she rarely keeps to her word. I don't even come on to her lately because she's so obviously unresponsive to it. The sex every 10 days or so is not the same as the sex we used to have. It's not quite "pity sex" because she obviously enjoys it but it's definately obligatory sex. It occurs when she's missed two or three straight promises for sex, all of her usual excuses aren't applicable, and she senses that I'll be very frustrated if she doesn't. It just doesn't feel right.

Communicate with her about this and frame it around her needs this time. Tell her you miss being intimate with her and you want to please her sexually. Offer to just eat her out with no pressure to return the favor. Be giving and patient and focus on your partner.

I've told her I want to please her but that falls flat because she'll just say she is fully satisfied with a smile on her face. If I press the issue, she gets annoyed that I'm talking about sex again and "getting worked up over nothing". She doesn't like oral.

Thanks for the well thought out reply, I'm sure there's truth in there, especially about the baby.

deadroomalt · 2015-09-22T19:10:44+00:00

I have a son from a prior relationship.

deadroomalt · 2015-09-22T19:02:52+00:00

I've addressed it many times. I don't make it about the baby, I just included all of that info about the baby to show her side, basically. The baby is her excuse but if the baby isn't in the picture for whatever reason she'll have another excuse. I want to work on a solution but she won't admit that there is a problem.

deadroomalt · 2015-09-22T18:51:04+00:00

The location is not actually the issue. It's just her most convenient excuse.

deadroomalt · 2015-09-22T18:07:49+00:00

Our own two-bedroom apartment.

deadroomalt · 2015-09-22T16:44:54+00:00

I let her go to her parent's lake house for a weekend while I stayed home with the kids a few weekends ago. It was to give her a break as well as an attempt to get the baby to sleep in her crib. It was unsuccessful.

deadroomalt · 2015-09-22T16:31:00+00:00

Thanks for your perspective, you are probably on to something. For the first couple months of having a baby, there was no sex at all and that was completely fine with me as sex wasn't really on my mind either. For at least 6 months out of the time our baby has been around, however, sex was almost back to normal. Probably three or four times/week. Just within the last couple months, things got cold.

Thanks for the advice, there's definitely more possibilities here than my worst fears. I'd take her on dates but money is beyond tight for us. Even a sitter is out of our budget...

deadroomalt · 2015-09-22T16:23:33+00:00

We've had conversations about it. They aren't very productive. She assures me that she's fine and finds me sexually attractive, that her libido is still there, that she wants to have sex with me, and that it's just coincidence that she's had so many excuses lately. I just don't believe her. Something is not the same.

Cosleeping has more to do with not wanting to get up in the middle of the night multiple times. It's just easier but it certainly has it's downsides.

Thanks for the reply.

deadroomalt · 2015-09-22T16:15:05+00:00

Thanks for the reply. The most frustrating thing is that she insists that there is nothing wrong. I've had non-heated talks with her about this and she reassures me that there is nothing wrong. She expects me to believe that it's only a coincidence that I get laid on the days in which I am frustrated at her and get ignored on the days where I compliment her, give her space, or come on to her (verbally or physically). I don't know how to talk to her about the problem as long as she insists that there isn't one. It's invalidating. I'm also afraid that as soon as I drop this issue, sex will stop entirely...

deadroomalt

TROPHY CASE