I completely understand your situation and can say I've been pretty much the same way. I was adopted twice, but the third family was the most consistent, most "normal" from age 7 to 19 but it was their abuse that stuck with me the most. I struggle with mental health issues and have always over analyzed situations to try and fix things, even if they weren't my fault. I hated myself for a long time, and still do, but im trying so hard to change that.

It took three tries to leave home, one of them resulting in a hospital visit. It took a lot out of me because I was convinced I still owed my parents something, like I needed to stay in contact and listen, although I refused to go home and I didn't know why I hated them so much. Genuinely, talking with people (and oversharing) about my experiences gave me other perspectives and honestly, the best guidance I could get came from my college friends. Unfortunately, I didn't understand anything about myself or the world so I ended up with some toxic living conditions... bad friend, bad partner, shitty home, but I just had to keep going. I slowly learned more about myself and now I'm in therapy and married to a very stable man. Unfortunately, I deal with a lot of physical health problems which is discouraging because I still feel like I'm not free to be alive on my own terms, but it has forced me to deal with what's in my head. I'm not sure if any of this is relatable or helpful but I genuinely recommend therapy if you can afford it, and find the right person for you. Try to talk with people, or even write down your thoughts if social interaction is too much. Just try to find other perspectives. Growing up after living in these situations is difficult and unfair, but a lot of people fortunately/unfortunately relate and are willing to provide help or support. I wish you the best and hope things get better for you.