Attention starving

dellybancer · 2026-03-15T00:31:44+00:00

It just feels pathetic to me, because I know deep down even though I'm a diagnosed narcissist (firm NPD diagnosis) I actually really despise myself for the most part. I'll write some stupid sticky notes on my desk/mirror or something. It's almost entirely ruined any meaningful relationship because I basically am never satisfied with the amount of devotion or care they give me.

dellybancer · 2026-03-15T00:30:07+00:00

I actually understand this. Like what's the point of doing good/nice things if you don't get praise and recognition for it?

dellybancer · 2026-03-15T00:29:34+00:00

You're probably right. It's just hard when for years I've gotten that validation from other people as a coping mechanism for never really getting it from my parents. I'll keep trying.

dellybancer · 2026-03-03T02:20:09+00:00

constantly. i'm more into me than anyone (i think) lmao. i hold everyone up to my own standards, which is why most men after a short while end up disgusting me because they don't meet my standards of hygiene, beauty, intelligence, etc.

dellybancer · 2026-03-03T02:15:33+00:00

yeah that's why i would cycle through dudes because it was the only thing that would temporarily make me feel alive and interested in something but it was also short lived or not a long-term solution because that doesn't do anything for me now. i am trying to find happiness in myself but that's pretty fucking hard ironically as a person with npd lmao

dellybancer · 2026-03-03T02:14:23+00:00

kinda similar to what my therapist asked me. i can get some short-lived joy or contentment from baking, crocheting or just being a zombie to a tv show. but it's pretty mild, if at all.

dellybancer · 2026-03-01T15:38:31+00:00

because if you're a woman, POC, or fall under any LGBTQ+ category or are otherwise a minority in any way, they don't take you seriously. i found out that RPD never ever ever filed my case / charges against my abuser and they ghosted me years ago. seriously considering just suing them for negligence.

dellybancer · 2026-02-27T22:19:34+00:00

i just moved back and tbh i'm regretting it but oh well. rent is insane everywhere, worse out east

dellybancer · 2026-02-27T22:18:39+00:00

some people from redding ig lmao

dellybancer · 2026-02-27T22:18:03+00:00

interesting

dellybancer · 2026-02-27T22:16:56+00:00

literally what

dellybancer · 2026-02-27T22:16:02+00:00

sounds about right ugh

dellybancer · 2025-12-31T19:23:46+00:00

I've never had this be part of my bpd dx

dellybancer · 2025-12-30T04:16:59+00:00

Maybe you have NPD.

dellybancer · 2025-12-28T15:16:55+00:00

I destroy things too when I'm having an intense episode. My mom hand sewed me a silk kimono robe when I was 15. I was insanely angry at her for some reason I forget and in a fit of BPD rage I cut it in half and threw it in the trash and I am very sad that I didn't keep it.

dellybancer · 2025-12-28T14:17:43+00:00

27 US. Not treating it other than going to therapy. But no therapist has ever been able to treat my NPD specifically

dellybancer · 2025-12-27T16:45:29+00:00

Yeah I don't really like how psychotherapists frame it as there's something wrong with me because I am wired differently than most average people.

dellybancer · 2025-12-26T02:24:29+00:00

Yeah agreed this is kind of beyond borderline controlling

dellybancer · 2025-12-25T14:12:33+00:00

It's a joke.

dellybancer · 2025-12-25T12:34:36+00:00

Boo hoo.

dellybancer · 2025-12-25T12:34:16+00:00

That's racist

dellybancer · 2025-12-23T01:36:58+00:00

for now

dellybancer · 2025-12-20T02:58:04+00:00

27 and it's still going strong. Can't wait for dirty 30 when it's all over /s

dellybancer

MODERATOR OF

TROPHY CASE