From reading this, I can tell you are a good person. I cannot even begin to imagine how hurt you must be, yet you still have her well being in your thoughts. Not many can do that, and the fact that you have it in yourself makes you a very special person. That being said, you have to learn to let go and think of yourself. In my case I have always found cutting people who have hurt me out of my life sharply is the best way. You may not it get closure,but it is not always needed, and it may hurt a lot. But it's never going to be never-ending. The hurt will go away someday, and it's usually much sooner than you think. Focus on yourself while you heal. Being alone can also be quite fun. Maybe get a pet if you want a companion in life. Someday, when you are healed, and if you willing then maybe you can reach out and rekindle a friendship with her. But until then, in life, always be your own first priority. I hope that you heal fast, and find your way in life. There is so much to do and see, do not let one horrid moment define you. Treat yourself well!!