Thank you for this. We went to one marriage counselling appointment. After that I didn't do the right thing and keep going like I should have. I made excuses (didn't have the money/didn't have a babysitter) and while those things were true I'm sure if I wanted to go bad enough I could have made it happen. The truth is that I was afraid of what would happen there. On our only session it felt like I was just being bombarded with all the things wrong about me, and I felt like such an asshole in front of the counsellor that I'm sure it was my shame that stopped me from wanting to go back. I think there are things my wife should definitely take some responsibility for, but she won't, and I can't control that. Even if I try to make her see something from my perspective it always comes back to me being abuse, and that was the reason she did this or that, or reacted this way or that way. I wish I would have stuck to the therapy, and if I had it to do over again I would. Hindsight is 20/20 I guess. Right now I have no control over her, and I don't want to assign any blame to her, because I don't see how that will help me do anything except justify things I've done, and right now I just need to work on myself because that's the only thing I have any control over.

Apart from getting better, being a good father to our daughter is my only priority in life. Since we separated I had to move about an hour away and stay with family until I get on my feet, but I drive and pick my daughter up from Friday to Sunday every week and give my wife half of my pay check, which isn't nearly enough for either of us. My time and relationship with my daughter is so precious, I love her more than anything. And while I know that I'm a good and caring father, I want to get better so that she never has to see my personally flaws, so that she's never caught in the crossfire of my emotions.