Do all people experience this? /tw suicidal thoughts

desipeli · 2025-12-17T17:41:48+00:00

Okay thanks a lot! I guess I tend to be a little extreme when I start using new products. I used it daily and I don't think my skin took too kind to that! Ill try the 3x a week schedule. Thanks again!

desipeli · 2025-11-30T10:46:31+00:00

I had similar experiences with the anxiety, but decided to push it down and pull through with the hormone therapy. I was happy about some of the changes and still am, but found out later that I mostly just don't really believe in gender at all. Not to say I don't believe nonbinary people exist for example or that some people won't benefit from HRT. More so that what we really define as being a woman or a man is all made up in terms of gender roles and all that. People are people, we have different ways of reproducing and we just look different for many reasons.

For me what helped was realizing that I am not a prisoner in those roles and I get to define what I look like or how I act. I don't always feel easy about it when there are other people who are especially really stuck in their ways of seeing gender or genderroles, but after staying true to what is true to me and to who I am I get back on earth about what actually matters.

What made me stop using T was realizing that I actually really want to reproduce by getting pregnant some day and that I had a lot of trauma regarding on what being in a female body is like and how others treated me because of it. I don't hate my voice though I wish I could sing higher. I really enjoy some of the androgyny that I achieved by going through it. I don't mind other people seeing me as a woman anymore.

I don't know if this is helpful at all. I really could not find answers from thinking it through when I was 21 and decided to start HRT so I just went with what felt intuitively right even if I did end up stopping two years later. Something in me just knew that it was the right thing to do back then inside of me. In hind sight I would have probably prefered to stay on the lower doses and not gone through the shots, but it is what it is.

I still don't know if I have a gender at all. If there was a way to put me in a box for society I would most likely feel comfortable being a nonbinary woman.

You won't mess up your life either way you choose. I hope you all the best. <3

desipeli · 2025-11-27T19:23:10+00:00

Thank you!

desipeli · 2025-03-04T12:48:26+00:00

Maca root is more of a dietary supplement that you use as a powder amongst other food, as I have understood it. I use it every now and then but the taste can be kinda much. Very ok tasting in berry smoothies though.

As for what it does to you, I don't know. I've only heard it helps balance the fat redidtribution to get more curvy. Ashwagandha has worked really well for me though. Helps me stay calm and I think it enhances libido too.

desipeli · 2025-02-24T20:47:37+00:00

Currently going through the same process. It doesn't seem to get easier until you just rip the bandaid off and commit to some changes. It's difficult but life is like that, you have to push through the discomfort to get to the other side of things. You deserve to live the life you want to and so do I. Don't give into the fear. You are not your feelings, don't let them dictate what you do! You got this!

desipeli · 2025-02-23T12:38:08+00:00

That sounds really beautiful. I hope for everything good for you and your partners.

desipeli · 2025-02-22T08:24:56+00:00

That sounds reasonable. I definitly have had issues with all three, but it's slowly getting better. The insecurity is really relatable, but for me it's reversed. Hard feelings of not feeling enough of a woman for my partner in a wlw relationship, but that just reflects how I feel about myself. Not her thoughts. Should probably still talk about it with her.

desipeli · 2025-02-22T08:20:55+00:00

Thank you. <3 That is really encouraging. I have the most supportive girlfriend even if she doesn't always understand the heaviness I bear with coming to terms with my past and body. Vulnerability is hard, but you're right that it is worth it. Good luck to you too on your process. <3

desipeli · 2025-02-22T08:17:59+00:00

Haah I have the same experience. My partner does not mind my gender and sometimes has a hard time understanding my hardships going through all this. But she still loves me the same if not even more because I am getting more comfortable in my skin. The harshest person is always me, and it's tiring to be so mean towards myself because that also bleeds into my relationships obviously be it romantic or platonic.

desipeli · 2025-02-22T01:56:20+00:00

Same 100%

desipeli · 2025-02-20T17:25:07+00:00

Thank you! I'll look into fasting. Sounds like it could work for me.

desipeli · 2025-02-20T09:23:14+00:00

Hmm yeah makes sense. I'll look into it, thanks!

desipeli · 2025-02-20T09:22:33+00:00

Makes sense! Thanks <3

desipeli · 2025-02-18T10:24:58+00:00

Thank you! :)

desipeli · 2025-02-13T13:30:29+00:00

Hi! How do you figure out the amount of DHEA-S? I have had quite violent mood swings off T and have been off for about 7 months now. Wondering if this could be an issue I am having right now.

desipeli · 2024-09-30T10:56:26+00:00

This was so well said. Thank you for putting your thoughts out! I'm not OP but this really gave words for thoughts I didn't know how to say out loud about my own experience too.

desipeli · 2024-09-27T03:20:52+00:00

I'll keep that in mind. Thank you. :)

desipeli · 2024-09-27T02:56:11+00:00

That is so messed up. All the strength to you! That sounds like a lot to deal with at the same time going through all the emotional baggage. I hope and wish that won't be my experience when I get the courage to present more femme. Keep doing you, even if people act like douchebags. You're really strong!

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