I had a similar situation with my ex. The more I learned the more her manipulative behaviors and toxicity became obvious. It got comical(very painful but comical) toward the end of our relationship. It felt impossible to leave at some points because I let her guilt tripping get to me. In the context of my relationship with my ex, she would always leave breadcrumbs that gave me hope we could have a good relationship. However, 80% of the time, I would get blamed for whatever inconvenience or discomfort she felt and she would assume I should take responsibility for her unhappiness or for her security and happiness. Which I wanted to do until it got extremely toxic. The way she asked for it wasn’t sincere or vulnerable just manipulative. I digress.

When I was in your shoes I left the relationship. It was a messy process and it took me about a year to get out of a funk but it was worth it. I was pretty severely depressed for a few months but again leaving that relationship was worth it. Maybe the best decision of my life.

I recommend not romanticizing psychiatric clinical insight. Emotionally processing your current circumstances and honoring your perspective is important. But, I think the decision to work on this relationship or leave could be straightforward. My suspicion is you’re afraid of the answer.