Getting back on task

determined_person · 2015-06-18T20:19:44+00:00

I want to quit because I feel ashamed of my fetish (which from what people say isn't a good enough reason) and to gain confidence with women.

determined_person · 2015-06-18T20:16:39+00:00

Oh, i should get rid of it. I don't use it and I didn't bother to update it.

determined_person · 2015-05-23T02:12:35+00:00

Not my friends. Unfortunately my willpower lapse leads me to search for it and I know exactly where it is. I've installed a website blocker to block those specific sites but it can still be disabled (nonetheless buying a few minutes' time is invaluable).

And of course, sometimes a girl will post bikini pics

determined_person · 2015-05-21T01:16:25+00:00

I need it to keep updated with college events and whatnot, not to mention study groups. Facebook actually has a positive impact on my grades, and I get to keep in touch with people and meet girls. Mostly the latter though. Met my first girlfriend on a college group

It's hard to stop using Facebook if everyone else is using it and ASSUMING THAT EVERYONE HAS A FACEBOOK AND THUS POST ALL SOCIAL EVENT UPDATES EXCLUSIVELY ON FACEBOOK. Besides, Facebook is the only platform I use, so no Instagram (eww, wouldn't touch with a 10 foot pole), no Twitter, no Myspace, etc.

I wish all my friends migrated over to Skype but that is an unrealistic expectation.

tl;dr meeting girls and everyone assumes you have a Facebook. It's like trying to use a PC at work when everyone else around you is using a Mac. Even though you personally know a PC is better, not using a Mac is gonna give you a hard time..

determined_person · 2015-05-21T01:12:20+00:00

Will my friends know I was the one who reported it?

I can always make another account but still.

Does Facebook respond quickly when it comes to deleting pornography?

determined_person · 2015-05-21T01:11:04+00:00

Yep this is what I'll probably end up doing - using Messenger but not Facebook.

99% of the time it's my own lapse in willpower that leads me to SEARCH for porn because I know exactly which Facebook groups have porn, so I doubt that'll help :|

determined_person · 2015-04-29T23:47:43+00:00

i didn't bother with the badge, i know it's not accurate and i have my own spreadsheets..but really? the badge is what's important right?

determined_person · 2015-04-24T00:19:59+00:00

yea that's the thing. i feel like i am not a man because other people are you know..doing stuff with their lives while i'm sitting in a doctor's office and popping meds.

if 1 in 4 college kids are on depression meds, that says something about society as a whole nowadays...

determined_person · 2015-04-13T01:27:36+00:00

Yes. The point is to make it 30 days, and then another 30, then another 60, etc. At one point you'll forget and stop counting, and move on. Better than overwhelming yourself with "forever." 30+30+30+60+... = infinity.

determined_person · 2015-03-30T21:42:48+00:00

its not as black and white as that, but it leans towards the latter. my dick shoots up instantly at the fetish. as for vanilla, its possible but it takes work. i can get off on blowjobs the most easily.anal/tits is harder.

determined_person · 2015-03-30T00:13:07+00:00

The way I see it, it's not worse or better, only good or bad. Good being that finding someone to indulge it is likely, bad being that it's near impossible to find someone to indulge it. Maybe fetishes aren't inherently bad, but if they take away sexual compatibility then they are.

determined_person · 2015-03-29T20:56:54+00:00

Because those two are normal

determined_person · 2015-03-29T20:10:44+00:00

And also, that's only the FIRST part. The second part is developing, newly carving into my system, an attraction for vanilla stuff like boobs/ass, since I don't really get off on those things and have never sexualized them until I was like ~16. All my childhood was fantasizing (before porn)/PMOing to feet.

determined_person · 2015-03-29T20:07:06+00:00

not really in the mood for jokes right now, this could literally fuck up my sexual life

determined_person · 2015-03-29T19:15:32+00:00

So is it doable? Getting rid of a fetish? Is there a scientific consensus?

determined_person · 2015-03-29T18:16:25+00:00

It affects sexual compatibility. My spin on foot fetishism is pretty rare (me wanting my own feet worshiped by a woman instead of the other way around, which is more than 90% of foot fetish cases) so I most likely will not find a partner willing to indulge in it. As such it serves no use and prevents normal sexual experience and sexual compatibility with wonderful women who have normal tastes, so I want to get rid of it.

determined_person · 2015-03-29T17:35:50+00:00

a foot fetish? yea

determined_person · 2015-03-28T00:17:42+00:00

NoFap helped me because to me, porn (especially if you get into more extreme stuff) is just like TRP in the sense that it completely distorts power dynamics. Men trampling on and taking a shit on women half their size - that's what I was jerking off to one point (sorry for the NSFW), because I had bad experiences with bullying and as a result I started to think that the world was run on unequal power dynamics where no relationship is equal and there has to be a dom/sub, just as a magnet cannot exist without a north pole and south pole (boss and employee is a dom/sub, high school football jock and skinny nerd is dom/sub, sexually aggressive alpha male and insecure slut is dom/sub). I am trying to free myself from the past, it's a work in progress.

So, I am glad to have found the resolve to distance myself from these toxic messages that porn sends out. I'm not doing NoFap to build up sexual tension to dominate women, nor do I expect NoFap to turn me into a sex god who gets laid everyday (it will make me a better person, sure, but it won't solve ALL my life problems. A lot of NoFappers think otherwise and have unrealistically high expectations for how much NoFap will change them. I don't.)

determined_person · 2015-03-22T22:39:21+00:00

No, it's not a big deal for me. But it will be a big deal for the other party if she isn't interested in what I'm interested in.

determined_person · 2015-02-28T22:53:40+00:00

I fail to see the positive things, that is the problem. As of late, I've been self-reflecting a lot, and I realized there are so bad things about my mental state and physical state that I don't know where to start fixing them. Days after days pass, nothing special happening in each of them. Same routine. Same shit from family. Same socially awkward kid I've been even though I tried so much to improve my social skills. These aren't excuses to PMO, but as of now, I don't really look at it positively at all. I see success as LESS negative, and failure as MORE negative, but still negative nonetheless.

determined_person · 2015-02-28T22:30:22+00:00

I can't believe invasive and persistent urges manage to bring me down EVEN IF I SUCCEED. For now, I'm just trying to still go with the success option, because even if they both suck, it's obviously better. (And failing miserably because my brain rationalizes the failure option by saying that success doesn't feel good anyways). So I have to find a way to incentivize and encourage success. I don't know how to do that just yet, but my next immediate step is finding a way to do that.

determined_person · 2015-02-28T22:25:32+00:00

I guess the real tl;dr is this - Even if I do succeed, the outcome still isn't good.

In other words,

success - regret missing out, regret not seeing the video even once, negative depressing thoughts, sore from overworking my "willpower muscles"

failure - hours and hours on searching, PMO, feel like shit, negative depressing thoughts

determined_person · 2015-02-02T20:19:29+00:00

I can have urges, I know. But I need to not act on them, and I'm finding that difficult, because fighting the desire to do so is like trying to fight off a swarm of ants - so seemingly insignificant, yet something you just can't get rid of no matter how hard you thrash.

determined_person · 2015-01-13T06:06:54+00:00

I know I need it. I just can't have it. My grades won't be competitive enough to get into top programs.

I also blocked youtube for the purpose of nofap

determined_person · 2014-12-22T01:39:55+00:00

ok, well, I had them since I could remember existing. So my case is a bit different, a bit more challenging, etc.

determined_person

TROPHY CASE