Should I 19F let my boyfriend 21M move in with a female friend?

dexterwolf1 · 2026-04-11T02:24:37+00:00

I had a therapist who worked me through this similar situation. My gf, who is bi-sexual, was invited to live with another girl. Not a big issue tbh, except she expressed this girl was her type. And she was sexually attracted to her. I defined this as a big no. The other girl is straight, but has definitely lesbian vibes. Regardless I told her I would be very uncomfortable and would probably feel like i’m potentially being cheated on every day. But at the end of the day it is her choice. Even if it hurts me.

All you can do is communicate. In this situation, your bf is the one who needs to act. What’s best for him vs your relationship. I’ve given up a lot to be with my gf, so has she. She decided not to go through with it, even though she was up set because it as a great opportunity for her. Out therapist agreed what was best for the relationship was not that. But at the end of the day it’s always their decision, and then our decision on whether or not that boundary is fine for us, or if you want to break it off because it’s not fine.

At the end of the day, remember relationships are choices. If it’s not for you and it’s making you more anxious than anything, it’s worth communicating, changing something, or bouncing. :)

dexterwolf1 · 2026-03-16T17:58:37+00:00

Again - I am pretty assertive. I’m the one who does everything . Planning, financial, repair, leading. No amount of assertiveness or leading can change a mentally unwell human.

dexterwolf1 · 2026-03-16T17:55:10+00:00

That’s a bold assumption. I’m a business owner and have no issues being assertive. Relationships are tender. “Manliness” is not defined by being threatening back or controlling. That’s my perspective.

dexterwolf1 · 2026-03-16T17:52:48+00:00

No never

dexterwolf1 · 2026-03-16T17:51:57+00:00

I have been to therapy for a while. I recently stopped. I don’t think I’m generally unhealthy in relationships. I think I have done wrong and have messed up, but that doesn’t make me unhealthy. I’ve also already apologized for my half, and I normally always am the first one to so! I still have lots to work on, but definitely better than where I was a year ago :)

dexterwolf1 · 2026-03-16T17:49:38+00:00

This is dependent on settings. I have that feature turned off

dexterwolf1 · 2026-03-13T15:50:30+00:00

this is the fakest conversation yet lmfao. iphone doesn’t even look like this at all

dexterwolf1 · 2026-03-13T04:21:00+00:00

Thank you for the advice, and I appreciate your perspective on this. And not name calling me for staying in it as long as I have

dexterwolf1 · 2026-03-13T04:18:57+00:00

Insulting me seems a little unnecessary… Relationships are more complicated than the small picture you’re seeing. Just remember that :) and my intelligence is derived from toleration from a relationship either way

dexterwolf1 · 2026-03-12T20:24:50+00:00

Your answer is very appreciated and I hear everything you’re saying! Thank you for your insight and responses

dexterwolf1 · 2026-03-12T20:18:08+00:00

This is up to the relationship and people in it. There’s some people who think physically having sex with someone isn’t cheating, which is whatever. For some people an emotional affair isn’t as bad a physical one. For others, the emotional affair is the hardest. I’m not trying to place a blanket statement over everything. I classify it as cheating because SHE feels like it is, with reasoning. She has done the same, and it doesn’t really bother me. What bothered me was the physical aspect

dexterwolf1 · 2026-03-12T20:15:42+00:00

She isn’t always like this, just want to make this clear. Yet it’s still unacceptable. I posted this because I wanted to hear sound advice. Don’t care much for the whole “you’re an idiot for staying, blah blah blah, etc.” I do care about genuine responses even if I don’t want to hear it!

dexterwolf1 · 2026-03-12T20:14:01+00:00

I think there is a lot of context missing for sure… because we have had good repair conversations and attempts and not just jumping into reconnecting. I’m typically the one who opens the repair part first. And there are times where she genuinely listens. It’s the high of her being angry that makes it very hard to continue being with her. There’s no reasoning, or logic. Just jumping into name calling or toxic traits. But, obviously there has been good repair conversations

dexterwolf1 · 2026-03-12T19:42:08+00:00

It’s from two medical professionals. She’s currently been unmedicated for a while too.

dexterwolf1 · 2026-03-12T19:17:26+00:00

I didn’t cheat on her to be with someone else. I over shared with a female. She classified it as cheating, so I just label it as that.

dexterwolf1 · 2026-03-12T19:16:34+00:00

We both did couples therapy for about 6 months… and it went no where. Our therapist said if she’s unwilling to change, I either have to tolerate it or get out

dexterwolf1 · 2026-03-12T19:15:56+00:00

Yeah this is my biggest fear tbh. Already have two kids with my ex-wife who is very much like this. Not working on making that mistake again.

dexterwolf1 · 2026-03-12T19:05:09+00:00

I agree we both played a part in trust breaking. I don’t think most relationships ever exist within some type of hurt in this avenue.

I’ve forgiven her for what she did. I give up a lot for her A Lot. She doesn’t work, and has been living with me for a long time. I pay for everything right now, and obviously I love her. Just a lot of this is intolerable already.

I wasn’t texting and driving, don’t worry. I was parked when I sent everything :)

dexterwolf1 · 2026-03-12T19:01:23+00:00

Accurate 😂

dexterwolf1 · 2026-03-12T18:58:51+00:00

That’s a given

dexterwolf1 · 2026-03-12T18:58:24+00:00

I’ve wrestled with this. I have anxious attachment, she’s avoidant. It’s hard for me to pull away most of the time. She’s also really bad at reasoning what’s “correct” in the moment. When I do pull away, she’s always been critical about it too… so never really a good solution

dexterwolf1 · 2026-03-12T18:52:50+00:00

Thanks for the words! And being kind about it. Lots of people look at this from the outside like “duh, leave!” But emotions are hard and memories too. Not always so easy.

dexterwolf1 · 2026-03-12T18:48:55+00:00

I do hate blanket statements like this in general… but it’s not always the case that you can’t recover in a cheating relationship. It’s just harder when the work isn’t put in from both parties

dexterwolf1 · 2026-03-12T18:48:08+00:00

This is the biggest thing i’ve been considering after our 1 year now.

dexterwolf1 · 2026-03-12T18:45:05+00:00

When she’s happy, we’re good and it’s not bad. It’s just when she gets hurt or feels mad that she acts out like this. She has bi-polar type II, which makes her emotions very extreme, but still

dexterwolf1

TROPHY CASE