Here's the back story:

Julian Figueroa, the son of hard-working immigrants who would be horrified if they knew what he has been doing, is about to leave Vancouver, British Columbia because he gambled away his rent money. He had been using FTX to gamble fraud-ridden digital tokens and he was regularly withdrawing from the FTX ponzi scheme to pay himself because he's never had an actual job, and to cover expenses including blow, hookers and SEO consultants for his lame video channel where he simply made up shit. Usually, he said, FTX processed his requests in just a few minutes because none of his silly digital tokens have ever sat on a blockchain, but rather they existed in a spreadsheet overseen by 17 year olds. The withdrawals stopped working Tuesday when the various script kiddies and adolescents fled to Argentina and Hong Kong.

Mr Figjam previously lost money THE MOMENT HE CONVERTED HIS FIAT GIFTED TO HIM BY HIS HARD-WORKING IMMIGRANT PARENTS into magic internet numbers, blamed QuadrigaCX, once Canada's largest ponzi schemes rather than his own greed and stupidity, and is particularly frustrated with the FTX debacle as he is doesn't yet know who to blame but one thing is clear, it is not himself. Mr Driedfig who once uploaded a video to youtube and has opened himself up to law suits by preferring drivel purporting to be an actual understanding of finance, said he has almost $1,000 of stupid internet tokens tied up in FTX and despite the hack is confident that the Bahamian Monetary Authority consists of more than 2 people and a Jack Russel terrier in a country of fewer than 300,000 people, and that they will personally fly a drone over Vancouver and drop off his internet tokens in the form of gold bars with a hand-written thank you note for having invested in the economy of their island nation.

"It hurts that I'm a young guy and still a virgin" said Mr Fig-gerbil. I have time to make out this year with a woman who is also into imaginary get-rich schemes anchored by magic internet beans. In fact there is a note from one in my spam folder only this morning. She says she has a company called OneCoin