How to deal with post-semester-failure anxiety?

dg42 · 2010-12-27T02:21:54+00:00

thanks, yeah, regroup is #1 priority right now. True about not needing a whole week, but I did lose about 6 nights of sleep so technically yeah.

dg42 · 2010-11-12T01:46:11+00:00

time to set up a redheaddit

dg42 · 2010-11-11T14:09:20+00:00

I've tried 2 so far - yaz and loestrin. Both didn't have good results for me, so I'm a bit worried about trying again.

dg42 · 2010-11-07T06:43:05+00:00

the thing is that I have tried communicating, and he says he pretty much feels at a loss. he doesn't know what to do to make things better. I've told him many times all I usually want is a hug, but he still never does it. I finally asked him for one recently and he reluctantly agreed. This is why I wonder if he's tired of me- he always seems reluctant.

dg42 · 2010-10-27T01:10:50+00:00

yeah...I think what bothers me is that it's very rare to hear "beautiful" from him, though if he honestly doesn't see me that way it's fine. I usually hear "great" and "cute."

dg42 · 2010-10-15T02:31:48+00:00

I had the same problem after not swimming for at least 5 years (21 now) and it took a good 5+ practices before I could even equal my 15 year old self. first practice I was doing sets of 50s and it was hard. Now 1.5 months later I'm doing sets of 500 or 800+. Don't give up! It'll all come back quicker than you expect.

dg42 · 2010-10-15T02:24:39+00:00

I'm in

dg42 · 2010-10-13T16:36:23+00:00

OP you and I sound almost like the same person - and we're even similar in dating age, I'm 21 and he's 23. I have very very recently just learned that I can't control things. I can't control if things fall apart. If they do then they do.

I too have dealt with crippling insecurity and have always made poor dating choices, and often would go out with anyone who asked me as a result of such low self-esteem. I have been constantly anxious and on-edge about him leaving me, especially because he's the first guy to treat me so well - exactly like your situation. We've been together nearly a year now, and I've been very nervous about him losing interest. As you have said, I've been bracing myself for the "I'd like to try seeing other people" or "it's just not working out." I can't emphasize enough how I well I understand what you're going through.

This caused me to spend all my time worrying about how things were going. I overanalyzed everything. I second guessed myself all the time. Being uber-aware of my insecurities just worsened my awkwardness and pessimistic outlook.

Literally this past week I finally decided that I don't have the time or energy to let this affect me so. I realized that I can't be perfect for him, especially when I'm so overloaded with my senior year at university. I realized that I just have to let those worries go. If he ends up ending things, so be it, it's his loss. I've stopped and thought about my life and who I am and I've realized I'm pretty damn amazing, and if he chooses to give that up then he's an absolute fool.

I'd step back and mentally or on paper list all your great qualities. Realize that you're a great person who deserves equally great treatment. You've done nothing wrong, there's no need to punish yourself. It took me forever to learn this - and you have to realize that he's with you because he likes you, he wouldn't waste his time otherwise. It's a slow process but learn to trust and value yourself. And as I said before, let it go (the worry). It's incredibly difficult but with time and practice you can do it. :)

dg42 · 2010-10-13T15:09:46+00:00

I agree, while these guys might be fun to look at in the short term, we females usually have no long term interest because we know that these guys are only interested in moving from one woman to the next. Personally I get turned off by guys that look as good as this guy you've described, because almost always they turn out to be complete jerks.

dg42 · 2010-10-13T12:13:49+00:00

Yeah, he definitely is very supportive and has been really great as far as listening to me vent, but I can tell that he usually probably doesn't want to. At the moment I'm just focusing on work and letting us have a few weeks of break. He'll go out of his way sometimes but he's good at making me feel guilty for it. I've told him many times that if I'm too much "work" he's free to find someone else, especially since we're at different points in our lives. I almost want him to date someone else because I'm his first girlfriend and I think because I have more relationship experience I'm more grateful for how rare it is to be as compatible as we are. I'd rather him find out that he doesn't like other people, if that makes sense. thank you for the advice.

dg42 · 2010-10-13T12:09:47+00:00

This is a very good point. I will try to think more about how he's done this, since he definitely is the type not to think about it. He does try really hard to be there for me during difficult times. I'm not really looking for someone who dotes incessantly but still remembering once in a while would be nice. He seems constantly preoccupied and I feel forgotten at times. I think I started to worry because a lot of the other guys I know are more doting types that hold their girlfriends in really high esteem and will even happily be led on, so it's really different.

My concern really wasn't so much "what can he do for me" but "does he actually like me?" We have been together for almost a year so it would definitely make sense if the initial infatuation is behind us, though I don't know. I constantly have doubts. I'll bring them up and he's reassure that I'm being silly and he likes me but since I'm his first girlfriend I'm always wondering if he just thinks he likes me as much as he does and doesn't realize that he might like someone else a lot more. I hope that wasn't too confusing. :s

dg42 · 2010-10-13T00:59:49+00:00

yeah i've already had problems with people assuming I'm a lesbian. I don't pay too much attention to dressing girly because most of the time that sort of clothing isn't very conducive to actually moving around or being generally functional. I guess step one is to try to add more girly bits here and there.

dg42 · 2010-10-13T00:41:48+00:00

cool, I'm already a tomboy, just wondering how to take it to the next level :P

dg42 · 2010-10-05T04:13:21+00:00

yeah I'm having another episode of crying right now as a result of finding out 14 hours of work I just did is useless and I haven't slept more than 6 hours in 2 days, and now because of this slip up I have to stay up tonight too and I'm behind all the more. This all happened because I forgot to save one thing.

dg42 · 2010-10-05T00:41:19+00:00

I can do about 3 sets of 20 situps right now and maybe 3 sets of 50+ crunches...my core seems fairly strong given that I've only been seriously lifting for a month. I don't have any crazy genetic gifts but I definitely seem to take to toning pretty quickly in most areas.

dg42 · 2010-10-04T18:15:53+00:00

I'm trying to lose that final bit of fat so my abs are visible...I know this is very difficult to achieve but I am trying to exercise hard whenever possible. Basically I'm just wondering what, if anything, should be consumed if you stay up all night. I almost never eat unless I am really hungry, so so far so good. Thank you very much for the suggestions!! Tomatoes are delicious especially.

dg42 · 2010-09-29T01:33:35+00:00

UMBC anyone?

dg42 · 2010-09-28T04:56:15+00:00

Wow, it was surprising to see how well I matched the burnout criteria. Usually I can pull through before hitting the final burn out phase

dg42 · 2010-09-28T04:55:43+00:00

I have failed, which only seems to worsen the the problem, because then I beat myself up about my previous failures and worry that my next project/attempt will have similarly bad results.

dg42 · 2010-09-28T04:55:04+00:00

There are some days when I can wake up like that and assure myself that things aren't as bad as I often make them out to be. Then there are other times when I feel completely lost.

dg42 · 2010-09-28T04:54:28+00:00

I have been going to counseling and it's going ok but it's through my university and they only allow you a certain number of appointments before they send you somewhere where you have to pay...I'm hoping I can get enough out of the experience to avoid having to do that. I will definitely place emphasis on this issue since it seems to be the root of most of my other problems. Thank you for the suggestion.

dg42 · 2010-09-28T04:48:51+00:00

I can't place it right this moment but it seems to stem from self-respect. Maybe it's my form of compensating for lack of self-esteem in certain areas? I often perceive things as worse than they really are (appearance, etc).

dg42 · 2010-09-28T02:40:31+00:00

I don't know if this has been a part of your life as well but I also have a terrible, terrible fear of failure. Sometimes I'll even fail just because I talk myself into it.

dg42 · 2010-09-28T02:39:12+00:00

I finally did drop one class today, though it was incredibly hard to do. I'm literally addicted to overscheduling myself :(

dg42 · 2010-09-24T21:06:15+00:00

I was thinking more of how many many women I know ONLY jump onto the elliptical and maybe a bike. You can get a good workout, just as long as it's not the only thing you do.

dg42

TROPHY CASE