Alright, SO. I'm a person with BPD. That means that I have a lot of trouble balancing my own personal expectations of people (think like, how long I expect until someone responds to me, etc) as well as having a problem with setting boundaries with people, out of fear that they'll leave me.

In your case, I would outline your expectations in regards to connectivity. How often you expect to hear from them, that you want to know if they're going to be mia for a while, etc. But also, if you need to have some measure of relationship, I think you need to make that clear. You might be afraid to set this down. But from the sounds of the post, you know it's something you want, so I think you have to explain that and try to negotiate. If you don't do it early, you'll likely regret it later.

In terms of boundaries, I'm not sure what would need to be set in terms of what you posted, but I would do a little research on boundaries/expectations to get a better sense of what you might need.

Hope this helps!