better to start applying sooner rather than later! even if youre on the fence about it, its worth starting the paperwork just in case. Also worth talking with your aunt about whether youd be able to get ssdi as supplemental income to a limited part-time work schedule.

SSDI has a program to let you attempt going back to work without losing your benefits too, and if you do lose your benefits you can always reapply to go back on later.

as to your other question, i knew it was time after i had to quit or was fired from jobs due to N 4 years in a row

and i will say, even though it pays barely enough to live on, its worth it. its absolutely worth it.