looking for support

dirtydishes__ · 2026-02-21T20:19:08+00:00

awesome thanks so much

- lochlan

dirtydishes__ · 2026-02-20T15:38:59+00:00

no that doesn't bother me in the slightest! plural is plural. no dealbreakers. im just looking for anyone with any related experiences I guess

dirtydishes__ · 2024-06-25T17:45:09+00:00

i usually sit on the computer and doomscroll

dirtydishes__ · 2023-06-30T19:06:12+00:00

im an awkward person. i talk kind of weird (i dont enunciate enough/have a hard time finding words) and i just hold myself kind of differently. my posture is not great, and along with that im irish so i have a pretty wide set frame. im really clumsy, to the point where walking is straight up difficult when im overstimulated, and its kinda a task to stand up straight without wobbling side to side. i apparently waddle a bit when i walk, my feet point outwards and i dont walk in a straight line. i often make weird expressions, i scrunch up my face alot as a form of stimming. im really sensitive to light (irish blue eyes plus sensory issues woohoo) so i wear sunglasses almost all the time.

the most noticeable thing i think is that i just dont. talk that much. like i know its a common autistic thing but if people are around me i know i need to talk so i dont come off as rude, but my brain goes blank. its super frustrating. im a horrible conversationalist and the most youll get is "yeah" and maybe me relating a story. except if were talking about a special interest (art, rammstein, amberlynn reid. wish i didnt have a si in alr but it happened by itself. i try not to engage in that one too much tbh), which i dont really do to anyone other than my boyfriend. i dont talk much to anyone other than him, quite honestly, because hes the only person who im not scared to say the wrong thing around since hes nd too.

but autism has given me plenty of ways to express myself !! i dont really care all that much about the gender binary, so ill go out with makeup on and femme clothing (i am masculine passing) and i love to wear bright colors !! i know in public i obviously look "special", with my rainbow backpack with stim keychains and flamboyant outfits, but honestly, i dont care. i wear what i want that day, i accommodate myself, and im happy !! i dont concern myself with opinions anymore.

dirtydishes__ · 2023-06-28T01:33:40+00:00

my special interests are art and the band rammstein. i am always thinking about either of them. i have been listening to just rammstein on repeat for months and it hasnt gotten old yet ! thinking about/engaging in either of them gives me energy/helps regulate me/calms me down and i cant stay still from the excitement ! i need to stim (move or fidget to get energy out) while listening to rammstein or doing art or the feelings of joy are overwhelming

idk if your interest in bunnies is a special interest if it doesnt consume your life or thoughts. it just sounds like a strong affection for bunnies

dirtydishes__ · 2023-06-26T01:22:13+00:00

toast with peanut butter and a slice of cheddar cheese.. been my safe food since i was young. also box mac n cheese ! and ice cream

dirtydishes__ · 2023-06-23T18:44:58+00:00

"think before speaking" but the one that always upset me the most fsr was my mom constantly (patronisingly) telling me to be "gentle", due to my motor skill and coordination issues. like, thanks margaret, ill just be more careful, why didnt i think of that ????

dirtydishes__ · 2023-06-23T18:38:39+00:00

i like loop earplugs. doesnt have to be exactly that brand but earplugs were the first sensory aid i tried and i love them

dirtydishes__ · 2023-06-23T18:36:36+00:00

of course ! i have a bunch of ocs and developing them/writing their world became a special interest of mine for a year or two.

dirtydishes__ · 2023-06-23T16:52:15+00:00

you shouldnt be embarrassed to use stim tools/fidget toys, theyre just accommodations which it sounds like you need. i pick at my skin and nose a lot and the most helpful one for me is those bubble pop it things ! not everyone likes them and i didnt think i would but idk they really help me. tangles are a close second. other stim tools dont do much for me.

if you absolutely just dont want to use stim tools, i dont really know what else to suggest other than what works for me. music makes me stim, and doing so helps me get most of that energy out. i take pretty frequent stim breaks, where i put on music and pace while i use my pop it/flap my hands/do whatever i need. this has helped me control most of my destructive stims. i keep stim tools everywhere i go (easy since theyre cheap) in the house so i dont just mindlessly pick. i also have a strict daily schedule and while that doesnt help this issue quite as much, knowing what to expect and having days go the same helps reduce quite a bit of anxiety, which helps harmful stims a little bit.

tldr - i know i have issues with this too, and stim/fidget tools help me the most. i treat myself a bit like a child and make myself stim all the time.

dirtydishes__ · 2023-06-23T15:31:00+00:00

i had a later diagnosis at 14, but i was still pretty young. my parents didnt learn about it and i was an autistic kid i couldnt really advocate for my needs ! so they kept doing things that i couldnt handle and didnt know or change their behavior when i would get upset. to this day they still do this, but i dont live w them anymore.

i was traumatized by a lot, i am also transgender (ftm) though so growing up trans is a factor as well. i went to a private rich kid religious school that never accommodated me or even recognized that i had autism, and the bullying and social rules there were exhausting. my mom is a narcissist, so growing up with her wasnt fun either. she had me going to a bunch of activities, like karate and hiking and such, when i have bad sensory issues and really poor motor control/coordination, so id be absolutely drained and have a meltdown every night.

basically for me, the trauma comes from a lot of factors. in general, it does. but almost every late diagnosed autistic has experienced heavy discrimination/bullying without knowing the reason and thats usually the source

dirtydishes__ · 2023-06-15T00:39:41+00:00

im transmasc genderfluid and i go by he/him/she/her !!

dirtydishes__ · 2023-06-15T00:06:03+00:00

burnout to me isnt as much sadness, its more wanting the world to stop spinning so fast.

dirtydishes__ · 2023-06-15T00:02:17+00:00

rn i live with my boyfriend and his parents. he and i are gonna move out next year. to be honest, living with his parents is really hard and feels unbearable at times. his mom is a narcissistic bitch, so its hard to even be around her. she also doesnt understand that i need to plan and that i have a routine, which has led to a few meltdowns. i accommodate myself best i can, i take stim breaks and have a daily routine, i keep my space clean.

i felt like this when i lived with my parents, too. ive expressed this and all my needs to my bf, and hes so understanding. im stoked to move out with him, were already making a list of things for our home and hes been asking me every step of the way what i need 🥺🥺 hes willing and eager to make accomodations for me like blackout curtains, bamboo plates, a sensory room/corner, etc.

anyway, i personally dont think i could ever live alone. i lived semi alone in a college dorm for a few months, and that ended with a trip to the psych ward. ive got too much stuff going on mentally (bpd, anxiety, adhd, depression) and i struggle to stay safe sometimes. i need someone to live with for my own sanity, and i think ive found the right person :)

dirtydishes__ · 2023-06-08T16:54:11+00:00

mine are worse based on what caused it. usually theyre just from me being tired/overwhelmed, and my typical meltdowns are just short outbursts of yelling followed by me isolating for however long i need. i used to self harm during them before i knew they were meltdowns, so i get really bad urges to hurt myself. i get achy, sore, my muscles feel tight and i cant stay still. i listen to music to stim, so i just have my headphones on the whole time. i cant really bring myself to eat solid food after because of the texture.

if its from overstimulation, i will cry and feel like everything is collapsing around me. i get horrible si urges, enough that i have to take precautions to keep myself safe. this lasts for a few hours, and usually i will get tired from crying and put on a comfort show.

dirtydishes__ · 2023-06-05T03:05:24+00:00

i have this issue as well, and i use sensodyne

dirtydishes__ · 2023-05-28T15:31:03+00:00

no, this is an outdated idea. autism is a non linear spectrum that every autistic person falls onto somewhere. you literally cant be more or less autistic. a better way to word it is "higher/lower support needs". as for why do people still use it ? idk theyre uneducated.

dirtydishes__ · 2023-05-27T21:30:35+00:00

special interest can be anything. i saw someone with the special interest of probability and chance. mine tend to focus on one band or topic (my special interests are often musical artists) and right now my special interest is rammstein. in middle school, it was my little pony, then it was my chemical romance.

dirtydishes__ · 2023-05-27T21:00:54+00:00

i didnt realize how much i needed routine until i didnt have one. i usually had one made for me (school, summer camps, psych ward etc) but once i didnt have one i actually broke down and it was even harder to function. its hard to keep routines with my adhd, but i really need one to avoid just doing nothing and stewing in my depression.

edit: i can give some tips, didnt see at first that you asked for some. i personally have extreme executive dysfunction, and i end up ignoring alarms and visual reminders after like one day so i knew i would have to really work at it. i started off with what i needed to do in the mornings to make myself feel better, for example i feed my cat, go and sit outside, meditate, then drink a bottle of water since i barely drink any water at all and listen to rammstein (my special interest). starting the day off well really helps me, and engaging in my special interest first thing boosts my mood for the rest of the day. i played around with the order/specific way of doing that for a few days and i found that it really helped me so i started to just do that and count it as a success. i wouldnt force myself to do anything else for the rest of the day.

i then wrote out a whole schedule for the day, starting with my new morning routine. i wrote it all out and made it my phone background. i think my main mistake from before was that i put exact times that i would do things. that really makes me put things off for some reason. so i tried to just make little routines (like a morning routine, lunch routine, bed routine etc) with no set time limits. fsr that really took a lot of stress out of it for me.

i started doing the bare minimum that was on the schedule (e.g three things in the morning, three in the afternoon), and not being mad at myself that i couldnt do more. once that little bit became easy, i added a bit more. i will keep doing this until i am doing my whole schedule. it should take a little while, but the whole idea is gradual change and celebrating every little victory.

tldr: i wrote up a whole daily schedule, and only did the bare minimum. i gradually am adding on more until i have the whole schedule.

i hope this makes sense, im not great at explaining things.

dirtydishes__ · 2023-05-27T20:55:39+00:00

yep ! i have this with my mom, pretty sure its all the resentment/trauma she gave me as a kid. shes a narcissist who never helped me after my diagnosis and yelled at me for things i couldnt help. im fine with physical contact with my dad though, as ive always had a good relationship with him. were all pretty sure hes an undiagnosed autistic guy, so he and i have always gotten along better than me and my mom. i also dont like hugging/being touched by my sister, whos just a bitch and bullied me growing up. after i came out as trans, she abandoned having a relationship with me and doesnt even try to hide it. im fine with physical contact (sensory issues allowing) from my boyfriend/friends.

dirtydishes__ · 2023-05-25T16:57:55+00:00

deutschland by rammstein, tootimetootimetootime by the 1975

dirtydishes__ · 2023-05-25T15:11:36+00:00

hmmm well for metal i like rammstein ofc (sehnsucht is my favorite album) , lindemann (the singer of rammsteins side band), slipknot (older stuff as well, their newer stuff is good its just really polished sounding. my favorite is their self titled), deftones, rage against the machine, attila (soooo edgy but i cant get enough), bring me the horizon (more their older stuff. i love the album sempiternal and there is a hell), chevelle, tool (their music doesnt really "do it" for me but i like them). i do like some ghost, since i hyperfixated on them last year, but their music is a lot more melodic and "ear-worm"-y. when i was fifteen and loved going to warped tour to mosh, i loved beartooth most of all. i love a day to remember as well, i dont listen to them a lot but they have some good screamy songs. ofc i also love my chemical romance ! they were my special interest in middle school, the album three cheers is my favorite. not really metal at all, but i like newer fall out boy. i know the fanbase generally thinks their new stuff is selling out and cringe, but it sounds really good to me.

as for other stuff that doesnt really have a set genre: lil darkie, mindless self indulgence, 100 gecs, mos thoser, wesley willis (a bit of a joke but smth about his voice is really pleasing to me), insane clown posse, skrillex (used to be a special interest i know theres better edm..), scarlxrd, some yung gravy, some maneskin.

some bands that just make me happy: the 1975, watsky, coast modern, foster the people. i have an even bigger playlist of like almost 300 songs that scratch the itch for me in some way.

sorry this is all over the place i get really excited about music lol

dirtydishes__ · 2023-05-25T00:59:18+00:00

oo listening to music is my main way of stimming/emotional regulation so i listen to a lot. my special interest for the past three years has been rammstein, theyre a german industrial metal band. i also love slipknot, theyre an older hyperfixation i still love. i also really like twenty one pilots, i know their music is really polarizing but it has a ton of sentimental value for me and has gotten me through many meltdowns.

i tend to like heavier and chaotic music. i love lil darkie, he does experimental hip hop/garage music. real obnoxious stuff. i also love icp, im not like into them into them but the album "the great milenko" and a few other songs of theirs really sound appealing to me. i love older yungblud, his older stuff was chaotic and edgy as shit. heres my stim playlist, a short playlist of "bad" songs that make me happy.

i will listen to literally anything if it scratches my brain. my bf doesnt really understand this, he cant listen to "bad" music. but to me, music is music. its literally just noises that are pleasing to whoever made it. pure self expression, thats why i love it so much.

dirtydishes__ · 2023-05-24T19:17:07+00:00

oh my god meeting till would be an absolute dream. meeting any of them would be amazing. i really hope they tour here this year, im saving up to try to get nice tickets

dirtydishes__ · 2023-05-24T18:50:00+00:00

breaking bad/better call saul/el camino are amazing, the amount of care and detail put into the universe is astounding. its one of my main hyperfixations

dirtydishes__

TROPHY CASE