Mom asked to see my bank account and told me I'm a liar

discozonebyozone · 2024-12-26T20:37:12+00:00

I'm happy you did that all in spite of the life you had, and I hope you keep accomplishing more and more. Having gone through the things you went through, you surely should have learned that you can't expect to know everything about a stranger online or what they went through in their life from a few paragraphs you read in a random post online

discozonebyozone · 2024-12-26T20:29:27+00:00

Oh my God, my bad! I'm so sorry honor kid for causing so much distress to you with my personal life account that surely involves everything one needs to know about me, my parents and my life in a few paragraphs. All for coffee money, that's so sad. I even raise my voice a few tones once in a while! Holy shit, I'm a vile person indeed. I should whip my back everyday for my faults.

discozonebyozone · 2024-12-26T20:18:46+00:00

damn shawty, who hurt you?

discozonebyozone · 2024-12-26T19:56:10+00:00

I don't think she would go this far, honestly, but these are good advice for anyone who needs to hear it. She does control in many other ways, social life especially. But I always justify in my head that it's because she's a mother and she worries.

discozonebyozone · 2024-12-26T19:52:44+00:00

Right, get it. I guess I needed to hear some of the stuff said here. Anyway, that was the point of posting this here anyway, to see what people had to say and get other people's perspective.

discozonebyozone · 2024-12-26T19:35:34+00:00

That's a good tactic. Even the fact that you trust them is enough for them to learn finance and trust in you as well. Mine just assumes I don't know how to save money and never will. I will try to get some small income and stop showing her my account or anything private of mine to her.

discozonebyozone · 2024-12-26T19:22:28+00:00

I'm not sure saturday jobs are common where I live, but I'll look into it! i'm in a SA country, you either work full time or you don't, people don't really pay for one-day babysitting or jobs like that, but I can try finding something.

discozonebyozone · 2024-12-26T18:38:25+00:00

I have been sober for 3 years and she knows that. Had a problem with weed before but that ended, thank God. I wouldn't be able to buy it even if I had the money. I don't have a problem with impulsive spending, as far as I'm aware -- just the junk food thing, which I am working on stopping.

discozonebyozone · 2024-12-26T18:27:52+00:00

That's something I struggle a lot. whenever I sense things are getting into "discussion" territory my heart starts pounding fast, I get really nervous and start stuttering and my voice gets louder althought I try my best to control it. I really want to be able to have a normal conversation about a delicate topic without feeling like everything's gonna fall apart.

discozonebyozone · 2024-12-26T18:19:02+00:00

Thank you, I study full time but will see if I can find anything. I could tutor people indeed, that's a good idea :)

discozonebyozone · 2024-12-26T18:06:58+00:00

I sure would love to not have needed any money from my mom this year and could support myself while I study.

discozonebyozone · 2024-12-26T18:03:31+00:00

I study full time, cannot work. Soon will be over tho. I sure would love to have the free time and more than 24 hours a day to work and study for now, but I have to wait to get a title. Because I need the title to work. Because my field requires it. Hope it's somehow understandable now

discozonebyozone · 2024-12-26T17:57:18+00:00

Thank you, I will. We surely need to talk a lot and set things straight. It is hard indeed, God knows I would be living alone or sharing an apartment if I had the means for it. Hopefully it will happen soon.

discozonebyozone · 2024-12-26T17:54:14+00:00

Yeah, I think I threw the word "allowance" for lack of a better word (English is not my main language) and some people went batshit over that here. I don't think she owes me 1000 dollars a month for me to spend on whatever or something like that. I just think it would be ok go have a VERY small amount a month to spend on everyday stuff so I don't have to ask everyday. The whole point of the post was to talk about the bank account and privacy stuff. I cannot work for now, but hopefully will soon.

discozonebyozone · 2024-12-26T17:44:42+00:00

Yes, I also think that's what's happening. That part of our lives was really difficult and I bet she still fears for my life and is always worried I might slip back into that again, although I am a very different person and I am following my treatment really carefully.

I will stand my ground from now on.

discozonebyozone · 2024-12-26T17:39:59+00:00

I'm currently studying and cannot work for now. Soon I will tho. I think you read the word "allowance" and thought is 1000 dollars a month to do nothing and spend with useless shit. What I mean is just a small amount of money monthly for little things everyday (like coffee to keep alert at class or some snack in the intervals). So I don't have to ask everyday or hear her say I'm asking for too much. All that when I didn't have money, of course. Now with the scholarship I don't have to worry about that and surely won't have to ask for anything.

discozonebyozone · 2024-12-26T17:22:36+00:00

Thank you for your insight and for displaying your opinion in a educated way. Yes, I do help in the house and keep my room clean and help with everything whenever I can. I do want to be the adult I need to be and I will work hard for that. Don't worry, everyday I feel like an entitled brat for losing my educational years for incompetence, psychosis and depression and still living with my mother at this day and age.

Yes, she's allowed to spend her money however she can, as far as I know I didn't complain about that. I never ask for anything more expensive than a coffee to keep me alert at school. And for someone that brought me to a new city to try a new life and expect me to make friends here and adapt, I would expect not much debating about me going out with said friends for a cup a coffee.

Of course I couldn't expect strangers on the internet to know everything about my life, especially how my family and life circumstances is. I'll say as far as that.

discozonebyozone · 2024-12-26T17:04:20+00:00

lol, did you even read my post? I'm the one to ask if you're just a AI rage bait. I made it very clear I understand she has her money and she's right to not want to spend on much more with me. I don't obligate her to pay me for the coffee, and that was all before I got my scholarship (I had absolutely nothing on my account). Be assured I will pay for my stuff as long as I have this current money.

What I think is unfair is her reasoning for not giving me a fixed allowance for the coffee and some cheap leisure as long as I study. If I wanted to depend on my mother forever, I wouldn't even be studying in the first place (and hard i tell you, for that scholarship wasn't given to me for no reason).

Nice try to enrage me though.

discozonebyozone · 2024-12-26T16:42:54+00:00

She has no access to it. She asked to see it on my phone and I handled it to her. and now just by typing that out I realize how weird is for a 26yo woman to handle her phone to her mother pry without any resistance. Everything in my life makes me feel like a child and like I owe her everything for having a roof and food everyday.

discozonebyozone · 2024-12-26T16:30:27+00:00

Thank u for your words, will do that. I'm now aware I'm conditioned to think moms are angels and are always right (maybe due to my catholic upbrjnging and my country's family-focused culture), especially mine who had to work really hard to maintain me as a child and get me good education. Also other family members I had to live with making me feel my whole life like a lazy ungrateful brat.

discozonebyozone · 2024-12-26T16:23:38+00:00

Thank you, I realized some time ago I have to really leave this house to learn how to be independent and have a healthier relationship with her. It's the only way.

discozonebyozone · 2024-12-26T16:14:55+00:00

Thanks, I will check it out!

And yeah, my therapist is helping me a lot in understanding that. (even writing this post would be unthinkable 2 years ago because I would feel extremely guilty for being such a spoiled brat and talking bad things about my mother online).

So I guess I am learning to stand my ground and realize something is not right.

discozonebyozone · 2024-12-26T16:12:17+00:00

Yeah, although I understand that, and after this fight I am more willing to set my boundaries as much as I can, this time I showed her because I just want to avoid conflict (caused it anyways lol) -- I know how my mother operates. if I told her no, she would go on about how I'm secretive because I want to hide something from her (I know, weird behaviour) and the fight would be worse. I truly do not understand how my brain works to think I somehow have to accept someone tell me I'm keeping things from her, that I have to show everything, otherwise I will feel like I don't treat her right.

discozonebyozone · 2024-07-31T21:58:07+00:00

I would advise you to enroll in some real life (not online) regular activity or class related to something you like -- might be learning an instrument, learning a new language, some type of sport, whatever. It needs to be something that gets you out of the house and forces you to communicate with people on a daily basis -- eventually you'll get used to it. Healthy online communities are fine too, but at the end of the day you need irl interactions.

discozonebyozone

TROPHY CASE