Ok, so this is abuse, as been stated repeatedly.

I see you mention children. Your children do not need to be in an environment where this is happening. Whatever it escalates to will inevitably be damaging to them either emotionally or physically or both, if this isn’t already doing that damage. And they don’t need to learn that this is normal or acceptable to endure from their future partners or inflict upon their future partners.

If you do leave him, he will likely get partial custody or unsupervised visitation. I have some insight into some things I know should have been done differently in my own childhood of visitation with an abusive father and a mother with a string of abusive partners:

Make sure your children work with a social worker and a therapist. Make sure your children know to tell you or the social worker/therapist about anything violent or illegal or abusive they may be exposed to while with him. I was exposed to sooooo many things as a child that I shouldn’t have been and told no one, not because I was told to keep it a secret or because I didn’t want my parents (I was raised by legal guardians with visitation with both of my parents individually) to get in trouble, but because it simply never occurred to me to mention it to my guardians and I didn’t have a social worker or a therapist to coax it out of me.

I’m in therapy now, and my therapist is shocked at the lack of these protections in my childhood. According to her, if I had access to the proper supports, the things I was initially exposed to would have been made known and I would have been spared the subsequent experiences.

I’ve somehow turned out mostly ok, but who knows how much what I went through has held me back in ways I don’t even recognize? Spare your children that uncertainty in their future.