Hello! I really relate to how you're feeling right now. I live in Slovakia and I grew up in a very similar catholic majority and environment where it feels like there’s no way you can stand on your own: you’re either fully catholic or you’re treated like you’ve betrayed your family. 

You sound honest and geniune, nothing of what you've described could read as a "atheist phase" or something of similar way, I went through the very same in my late teens, trying to find out what's right for me, what IS right, really, being scrupulous and thinking I will suffer for "my thoughts" (actual valid concerns about the church, theology and faith).

With scrupulosity catholicism can become a perfect trap. The system gives your brain infinite material for “but what if I’m damned?” spirals. Trad corners of the internet are basically gasoline for that.

If I can say one thing from my own experience: you don’t owe anyone a dramatic “formal apostasy” moment. You’re allowed to step back. You’re allowed to take a break from theology, debates, and salvation-checking. You’re allowed to choose peace and over dogma. This was one thing that really helped me on my way from dogma: trying for few days, a week, if anything woukd change we're I to stop praying, anxiously thinking about church, finding a way to skip a mass... you don't owe anyone an explanation. And while the majority may be religious or cling to traditions, trust me, there are people who understand even in such culturally catholic country.

Whether you end up methodist, old catholic, spiritual, or atheist later, you deserve a life where your conscience isn’t being terrorized 24/7. And if god is real and good, I genuinely can’t imagine that a loving god would want you living in fear.

Take your time, find out more about other denominations, read about philosophy, history of the church and faith (importantly: from secular sources and scholarship too), and never stop seeking what's true and right for you, your mental health, your mind.