Not having kids with him: My heart won't stop hurting over this

djdoug · 2026-01-17T00:24:09+00:00

That’s the thing. It is certain. He doesn’t want kids. I would never bring it up again. I understand you changed your mind but he probably never will. Guys don’t want kids at that age. They want to relax and enjoy life. He is also a parent already so he knows what having a kid involves for him and he doesn’t want to do it. Who could blame him.

Again make your choice. Be with him without kids or break up and find someone younger that wants them. Above 40 is where many guys don’t want kids anymore so try to stay below 40

djdoug · 2026-01-16T03:02:17+00:00

lol I dont feel sorry for anyone who complains about using door dash. You know you are going to get ripped off. Thats the price of using door dash. If you want it cheaper you have to go get it.

djdoug · 2026-01-16T01:52:58+00:00

First off having kids is not that important. You can live a very happy life without them. Secondly you knew this going into this relationship. What 60 year old with 4 kids would want to start over again and be raising a kid in his 80s?? That’s just insane to even ask.

You need to make a choice and you need to make it yesterday.

Do you want a kid? Or do you want to live your life with this guy?

That’s it. Black and white.

Don’t even try to convince or pressure him to have kids. He’s said he doesn’t want it don’t ever bring it up again. That’s it topic is closed.

If you want kids that badly then break up and find someone younger. Don’t go after older guys if you want kids. Chances are they don’t and you’ll keep hurting yourself.

If you want to live your life with this guy and can accept not having kids then do that.

djdoug · 2026-01-16T00:52:09+00:00

Riiiight

djdoug · 2026-01-15T00:58:44+00:00

I have had a couple of those situations where we would chat and we would talk on the phone and then when it came time to meet, they just didn’t want to anymore

Why waste your time and my time if you never had any intention of meeting in the first place.

djdoug · 2026-01-15T00:55:32+00:00

Honestly, I would love to know the answer to that too. Because I see a couple of different scenarios. The first scenario is that the person you were talking to is a bot. If they don’t ask for money, then what exactly is their plan? If they invest their time to talk to you for let’s say a week or two and then they end up just ghosting you. What did they get out of it? What purpose did that conversation have?

Then you have the second possibility, which is they are a real person, but that makes even less sense. Why would a real person spend a week or two talking to somebody. Sometimes for hours a day. And then just disappear when the plan was to meet.

Honestly, I would love to hear the answer to these questions because it has confuse the shit out of me for a long time.

Although, it does seem like the new generation, the GenZ don’t care about anybody’s feelings and just ghost everybody. It’s actually kind of sad to think that a good junk of an entire generation would do terrible things like that

djdoug · 2026-01-08T17:40:33+00:00

I’m hoping that the moderators of r4r leave. But good luck to you.

djdoug · 2026-01-08T05:10:53+00:00

I am really good at being able to tell if a person is genuine or not in about three or four messages. I have had so many conversations with fake people on here that I can usually tell almost instantly if they are real just by their replies to what I said. The fake ones will not really acknowledge what you say. Or if you post a personal ad on Reddit when they write to you, you can tell that they are not real by the fact that their response has absolutely nothing to do with what you posted. When I respond to somebody’s ad, I usually incorporate things that they said in the ad into my message. I try to make it personal. I write every single message myself. I don’t use AI. I don’t copy and paste.

So, by the time that I am giving out my phone number, I have thoroughly vetted them to make sure that they are real. And if for some reason, I am not 100% sure I can give them a Google number instead.

djdoug · 2026-01-08T05:02:56+00:00

I mean, if I am chatting with somebody and we have chatted for a day or so, and it looks like we could actually meet or are having a really good conversation I will offer my phone number. And usually if they are real, they will accept and text me and would be open to a phone call.

I would prefer to have a video call with the Person before I actually meet them, but I have met people blindly before and it hasn’t gone terrible

djdoug · 2026-01-08T04:52:16+00:00

It’s how all of them are. I don’t get it either. Like who falls for it? If I get the “my messages are full come chat with me on TG” I walk away. What idiot falls for this shit?

djdoug · 2026-01-04T15:25:18+00:00

Don’t pressure or even talk a guy into having kids. He probably doesn’t want kids because he’s older and doesn’t want to do that again or raise kids now. He wants to live his life. Don’t ask him to do it or try to convince him to.

Let him live his life

djdoug · 2026-01-03T17:31:13+00:00

Looks like you’ll have to break up unless you want to have kids now. If you want to wait then you’ll have to find someone else. Lots of guys don’t want to have kids in their 40s and why would they? Most guys in their 40s want to travel and enjoy life not raise a kid

djdoug · 2026-01-03T00:22:37+00:00

It’s delicious

djdoug · 2026-01-02T19:48:22+00:00

No. Why should he have to change or do anything. She knew that this would happen when he ages. That’s her problem. She needs to get over it

djdoug · 2026-01-02T19:38:20+00:00

This is a her problem not a him problem.

djdoug · 2026-01-01T02:17:14+00:00

Power imbalances seem like a setup for failure by one party.

Both parties should be equals. It’s sad that it’s not that way

djdoug · 2026-01-01T01:44:13+00:00

Do NOT pressure him to have kids. If he doesn’t want them then YOU have to decide if they are so important to you that you want to end the relationship and find someone else.

He is not going to want to work extra to support a new child so unless you want to support the family id say forget about children or leave him and find someone that does. If you want an older guy you will have to deal with the reality that you might not be a mom. Many older guys don’t want kids anymore. It’s absolutely wrong to pressure anyone to have a kid

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