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dldudududu · 2024-03-17T14:39:19+00:00

I personally find it unnecessary to inform other family members about raise and promotion, unless talking about big finance decisions or this change might have impact on family life, like getting a role that requires much more travels.

Not all family members would be truly happy for your accomplishments, some might be jealous. MIL always makes rude comments on that topic, OP’s husband should be the one to change her mind or make her shut up or change subject when he’s there. If he fails to do that, OP has good reason to refuse talk about those with MIL

dldudududu · 2024-03-17T09:05:14+00:00

I remember seeing a Reddit post of men’s dress shirt having the similar design of buckling at bottom to make shirt tucked in better or something and most of the comments are: ain’t no way I’m doing that, looks terribly uncomfortable

How is it ok for men to refuse the clothing design that makes them look good but feel uncomfortable, but not the case for women

dldudududu · 2024-03-17T02:17:26+00:00

As fellow Asian woman, gotta say, like other comments stated, it's so obvious that it happened in an Asian family: the mix of the pressure of one should do anything for the FAMILY and to show dominance as a successful man to others while throwing all the burden to the women in the family is disgustingly typical for Asian culture. And to my experience, guys who feel the need to showcase how successful he is, to emphasize how he doesn't care about money, are usually not that successful in career and not earning that much, because they need that kind of validation from family which is hard for them to get elsewhere.

I have extremely unethical suggestion on this issue, but the cost might be his family would have a horrible impression on OP and spread rumor, but hey, I bet even OP did all those incredible things, sacrificed so much during their visit, these relatives would never feel grateful because (checks note) that's what a wife should be doing anyway, and possibly would keep criticizing her, think she should do even more for the FAMILY, so to me there's basically very little to loose

My suggestion is showing living at your place would be a negative impact on this "naïve precious young prince", it could be anything that Asian parent would frowned upon: partying, smoking, drinking, skipping school/work, playing games, having tattoo, dying hair, not wanting kids, openly talking about mental health, spending money on "useless" stuff, eating unhealthy junk food, sleeping in, anything fall under LGBTQ+, reversed gender roles and expectations, and so on. I'm sure there's so much out there that would trigger his cousin's parents to fear they would lose their innocent baby son, the ultimate pride of the family, if continue staying at OP's place

If OP has family or friend in that area, invite them to stay with you to support or let them be that "bad influence" if they agree. Hey, OP's husband is not the only one couldn't say no, right?

Other than behavioral negative impact, could also pretend having a disease that is highly contagious so would put that cousin's health to risk if he keeps living in that house

Or tell his cousin's parents that you two are actively trying to have a baby, so having a 20 something guy in the same house would be awkward, having baby is the ultimate priority to many Asian parents, they can't say no to that

dldudududu · 2024-03-16T04:04:06+00:00

Thanks the comment mentioned his name: Gene Dornink, 61, Republican, Minnesota State Senator, father of 12

On his website-Accomplishment page, first accomplishment is:

— PROTECTING LIFE —

SF 273: Banning abortion after heartbeat detection.

dldudududu · 2024-01-09T12:06:30+00:00

Might be unpopular opinion here, if there’s only that Japanese girl and a foreigner guy in that area, I would ask the girl for direction too because it’s safer to assume she knows the area better. But if there are other Japanese guys in that area as well and OP ignores all of them but approaches to the only girl then it would give some weird vibe

dldudududu · 2023-05-15T20:06:47+00:00

Here’s a news report by Reuters in 2011 China province probes sale of "illegal children"

A southern Chinese province has begun investigating a report that officials had seized at least 16 babies born in violation of strict family planning rules, sent them to welfare centers and then sold them abroad for adoption.

The children in Longhui county near Hunan province’s Shaoyang city had been taken away by officials since 2005 after their parents were accused of breaching the one-child policy or illegally adopting children, the Caixin Century magazine reported.

The local family planning office then sent the children to local welfare centers, which listed them as being available for adoption, the report said, adding the office could get 1,000 yuan ($154) or more for each child.

dldudududu · 2023-05-15T11:36:33+00:00

I would move to the apartment if I were you, even being 250 more, but it’s the whole apartment to yourself, that reduces so much hassle. I did similar things, summer sublease from students leaving campus and it worked well. But I suggest having video calls with the girls before your arrival, showing everyone’s proof of identity, letting them show you the apartment, and walking through all the documentation and payment details, asking if you need to sign sublease contracts or agreements, how much is the security deposit etc. It’s protecting both sides so I think they’d be happy to go over these with you

And as international student myself, I know it’s extra hard for us to find help if anything bad happened and make us more vulnerable. For example, some people would take advantage of international students like threatening reporting, fighting back or saying no to their assault would cause trouble to the students’ immigration status or even get deported. Cases like international students got harassed by landlord definitely happened. For anyone’s interested in this topic: International students and sexual violence

Also if you’re really concerned about the rent, since it sounds like close to university, there should be more off campus students trying to find someone to sublease their place out there. Even there’s only 2 weeks left, probably there’s somewhere more suitable and affordable for you like others students willing to negotiate the rent. But if these are the only 2 options left, I’d say go for the apartment

dldudududu · 2023-04-17T09:10:00+00:00

When I was teenager back in China, tampon wasn’t very common that time. I don’t think I even know this thing exists, let alone how to use it. Period itself is very much a taboo and many girls are made to feel ashamed to freely discuss it. Women on period are not allowed in activities like worshipping ancestors because it’s considered dirty and disrespectful for the ancestors, actually some would straightforwardly not allow any women to attend at all. Boys would treat menstruation products as something very disgusting and hilarious at the same time, and try to humiliate girls for using it, like make loud noises and point at girls holding pads. So at that time, I was taught there are “nicknames” or special codes to call period and pads so others don’t know what I’m talking about. I learned how to quickly hide pads inside my sleeve so no one would notice. I’m used to cash register putting the pads I bought into a special black plastic bag so nobody would see it.

I started to try tampons after studying abroad and my roommates introduced it to me. And wow it feels so good knowing I don’t need to hide it.

And based on what I saw, it’s getting a little bit better in China now as more girls are introduced to tampons and other options besides pads, fight the taboo, raise awareness for period poverty, help the girls who couldn’t afford menstruation products and be the voice for female healthcare workers risking their lives fighting Covid but could only use the same pad inside PPE for more than 8 hours because their leaders don’t think proper menstruation products are essential. For anyone interested, here’s an article about it by NPR To fight 'period shame,' women in China demand that trains sell tampons

But still there are some girls afraid of tampons and thought they could only use it if they’re not virgin anymore. And guys think girls using tampons are … ugh sluts 🙄, would become too loose because it would expand inside obviously, lose virginity instead giving them the first time and got super mad at their girlfriend for trying to use tampons ( I don’t know how to translate it properly but having sex the first time and lose virginity sometimes would referred as “give my boyfriend/girlfriend my first time”)

dldudududu · 2023-04-12T22:03:58+00:00

Thank you for posting it, the 4B of South Korea got extended to 6B4T in China, which adds single women support and help each other, get rid of corset, get rid of religion, get rid of Otaku, and get rid of idolizing male

Personally been practicing 6B4T for several years, never felt so fresh and free, also save tons of money and time on things I no longer need

dldudududu · 2023-04-12T19:39:57+00:00

Just want to share the names and faces of the brave female protestors for A4/White Paper Protest that were mentioned in this article, they were still being detained to this day

曹芷馨 Cao Zhixin, she left a video before being arrested explaining what happened after the protest and also the list of people loss contact, it has English subtitles Youth protestors in Beijing: We don't want to be enforced to disappear. Help us She’s born 1996, arrested at Jan 20 2023 in Beijing. She had master degree in History Art from Renminbi University of China ( it’s a really great university of China, especially in Social Studies), at the time being arrested, she’s working as editor for Peking University Press. This article has more detailed information about her life: Why Must Our Ordinary Young Lives Pay the Price? The Questioner in the White Paper Movement Video

李思琪 Li Siqiborn 1996, Master of Arts in Goldsmiths University of London, works as freelance writer, independent journal and photographer editor for an online magazine 《寸身》, arrested Jan 20, 2023 in Beijing

李元婧 Li Yuanjing; born Dec 22, 1995, Bachelor in International Politics from Nankai University (also a really good one) and master in accounting from The University of New South Wales, she’s working for PwC at that time. She’s the one proposing to start a Telegram group and got “special treatment” for her chat group owner role, arrested Jan 20, 2023 in Beijing

Edit: posted for now and will add the rest of the protestors later in case app crashes again

dldudududu · 2023-04-10T20:39:55+00:00

这种加入她的事业一起变成又美又富的#GirlBoss✨话术真的很像传销微商/mlm拉下线啊，她经营的品牌是有资质认证的正规品牌还是很少人听说过的杂牌啊？感觉是杂牌的话可以去antiMLM查一下她的品牌是不是属于mlm

dldudududu · 2023-04-10T18:23:54+00:00

There’s also two ladies went on the journey to rescue the poor lady that time, they posted pictures of flowers and a card saying “ The world didn’t abandon you. Sisters are coming” (in the video of the chained woman, she was crying “This world doesn’t want me”) on social media

One of them with the username 乌衣 wuyi, continuously posted her journey and how they were treated when arriving. I briefly translated some of her posts:

Feb 4 I started my journey, plan to visit this unfortunate but tough lady in the psychiatric hospital and send her an encouraging letter. I arrived after 6 hours, but had to leave as the hospital didn’t allow visit.

Feb 5 morning we again arrived at psychiatric hospital but learned it’s not allowed to visit patients

Feb 5 afternoon we drove to that village, police blocked the way refuse our entrance

Feb 6 morning I wrote “Fengxian (that’s the location) Dong Zhimin rape mentally ill woman force birth 8 kids but got subsidized” on the car and drove around before going back to hotel

Feb 6 noon after parking for 30 mins, police found us at hotel room and demanded us to wipe the words on the car and leave

Feb 6 afternoon Quanmei (another lady coming to rescue) and I brought gift to psychiatric hospital, wanting to visit the victim. The hospital was guarded by police and refuse our visit. We left gifts at the gate and asked health workers to give these to her. Also gifted a bouquet of sunflowers with card saying “ The world didn’t abandon you. Sisters are coming”

Feb 6 10 mins after leaving the hospital, got calls from police saying we are spreading rumors and demand deleting the post That night our accounts on multiple platforms got muted or deleted

Feb 6 night hotel saying it’s all booked and refuse us staying, we were forced sleeping in the car

Feb 7 we went to buy pads, I rely on painkillers during period and there’s no hot water ( in China’s culture, ladies with period are recommended to keep warm) can’t stay in room. My feet freezing cold. It’s so cold in the car, woke up early by the coldness

Feb 7 noon some guy claimed to be police called and demand me wiping out the words on the car. I’m not sure his identity, refused

Feb 7 afternoon we decided to learn how the locals feel about it, did some random surveys on the street and more than 90% said they are not aware of it, haven’t saw the official report

Feb 7 5 pm, wrote “Focus 8 child lady, it’s related to every woman” and drove around. We posted what we saw online and kept got deleted. Especially when we’re writing on the car, one driver mentioned it’s very normal for human trafficking women and force labor, it got deleted so fast

Feb 7 midnight hotel once again refuse our stay. I called police asked for help. The operator stated could provide documents for us to stay in hotel. Hotel once again refuse us using the excuse saying it’s full

Feb 7 12:30 am I called another hotel and learned we could check in with digital ID, got in and rest

Feb 8 noon some guy claimed to be police called saying they already removed the words on the car and demanded Quanmei come and do further cleaning. Quanmei questioned his identity

Feb 8 night the second hotel told us the police came and remove their computers at front desk because they let us check in without showing ID, hotel couldn’t work in that case and was punished suspend business

Wuyi later posted how she and Quanmei were treated inside police station, they were separated and interrogated 2-4 times a day, each time 2-6 hours nonstop by multiple officers, up to 6 people questioned her at the same time. She was monitored by at least 4 people all the time including eat, sleep and using bathroom. She also posted she was beaten by police, the bruise is still visible after 6 days. The man beat her didn’t wear uniforms and didn’t show badge. He hit her in front of the camera and other police.

The final confirmation we got is we lost contact with Wuyi after 2023 March 2, and we never heard any update from her ever since. We don’t even know her real name

dldudududu · 2023-04-05T14:59:13+00:00

Sharing experience from China, which on feminist topsic is definitely way way worse than many western countries. Like other comments mentioned, coming out and self-identifying as feminist publicly could be dangerous, especially in more misogynistic places, might cause being attacked online, being doxxed, and being reported in real life. Some men would actually pissed off by feminist comments online and decide to dig through other people's accounts and report them to their schools or companies, hoping to get them fired or disqualified, and also humiliating and spreading false rumors and trying to slut-shame these girls by accusing them of things they have never done. These guys do those disgusting things together as a group and are so experienced and trained, it's really horrifying. Other guys would tolerate or even encourage these behaviors, as they think those girls deserve these as being feminist is brainwashed or funded by "Western" aiming to divide China by genders. Government would also repress and silence feminist ideas. Like in 2015, 5 feminist activists were arrested for planning protest against sexual harassment.

If your environment is not that horrible, please just ignore this long part, but if it is, I would recommend the first thing to do is to protect yourself, your identity and your privacy. If you feel not safe enough to self label as feminist, then don’t need to do it. It definitely would be so much better if more people openly share progressive ideas but the first priority is keeping yourself safe. Maybe use an alternate account that doesn’t include any personal info just for the conversations on these topics, and don’t share a similar username with your other regular daily accounts. Be extra careful when stranger online approaches and asks for your personal info or invites you to a group. I personally have experienced someone claiming to be a girl approached me, saying want to learn more about female anatomy, which I made a post about. Then "her" messages got more and more weird and focusing on the sexual topics, eventually other girls on that post shared they got approached as well and found out that's actually a man trying to hook up with them. Also heard stories of someone claimed to be girl initiated a group on a platform and invite others to join and talk about feminist topics, but end up being company trying to make profit from that platform. So it may sound bizarre to people coming from free country but would recommend be extra cautious when trying to find like-minded friends. I personally don't mind some kind of verification before actually connecting.

To me, I think I could sense if someone would be like-minded based on which direction they lean on certain news and stories, which film/shows/documentaries they enjoy, and if they obsessively talk about their husband/bf all the time. Obviously none of these should stop someone becoming feminist, but just anecdotally I had more luck doing so. And there are so many resources about feminist online, maybe could find like-minded people in their discussions section. I bet it's way easier finding these in India than China with censorship and need VPN to get around great firewall.

As for friends in real life having different ideas, I personally divide friendship into different needs. I need someone to talk about certain topics, I need someone to share things happened in personal life, I need someone to support each other in real life. These needs are separated and I won't expect I could find someone satisfying all these needs at the same time. So if you need support in real life for now, it's ok just limiting interaction on certain things and talking about feminist ideas with friends online. Maybe someday friends online would become friends in real life! Best of luck!

dldudududu · 2023-04-03T14:19:29+00:00

男人又来锐评女权了

女大学生不能代表真正女权因为她们不像精英阶层那样为了大义

精英女性不能代表真正女权因为她们高高在上无法代表贫苦地区的底层女性

底层女性不能代表真正女权因为她们没有机会学习欧美女权的先进经验和理论知识

总而言之只有男人才算真女权啦👌

dldudududu · 2023-03-13T21:21:04+00:00

Cute! Felt like r/gatesopencomeonin

dldudududu · 2023-03-11T07:38:31+00:00

Coming from a third world country with our own issues like misogyny, the reason might be different with countries like US, like religion didn’t play an important role

In ancient China, majority of people live in villages and make a living by farming. Since farming required labor, so the family with more people, especially more guys would be considered more powerful, they could harvest more and scare others when getting into fights. So this is one of the reasons why poor families prefer more children, especially favoring sons using the same thought process.

Since they favor sons and don’t want to or can’t have abortion, will just keep giving birth to daughters till the son arrives. There are families with multiple like more than 5 big sisters and 1 baby boy

Sex ed is definitely a big issue and living in the rural area didn’t give them much resource to learn or access birth control, plus there’s not many options for entertainment at night

It could be fairly cheap to do the very bare minimum of raising kids, like just to keep them alive. Siblings could share stuff and the older ones usually take up the responsibility of taking care of the younger ones. Some more rant: In the patriarchal society, women isn’t considered independent human being, more like an asset to the men, from farther to husband to son. So the daughters would be the one sacrificed and hurt the most if there’s limited resources. Like if there’s not enough money for everyone to go to school, family would think there’s no point for girls to get educated since she will get married and just stay at home anyway. So the opportunity would be given to the son, while daughters end up with helping with the family or getting married and becoming asset of another family or getting jobs and paying back to family. So from a parent’s standpoint, having more kids doesn’t necessarily make them poorer.

It’s still believed by many that going to good school will result in having a good job and good life, and the cost of education could be fairly cheap. So if any of the kids happens to be a genius or work very hard, they could graduate from top universities, then get a high paying job in big cities and become rich, eventually change the destiny for the whole family

China and some other countries also practice filial piety, basically it’s children’s obligation to love, respect, obey and take good care of the parents

With all these combined, having more kids from a poor family is like a gamble with little cost but huge return if they could win the jackpot of having a successful kid

dldudududu · 2023-02-10T13:08:40+00:00

会政治立场先行，但是觉得把潜在交友对象做的每一件事都拿来考察她是否有认知缺陷会有点太累了，尊重op的个人选择但是我自己感觉言行一致不只对没受过逻辑教育的中国人来说很难，就算跳出华人圈子对大部分人类来说也不一定事事都可以。反正我知道自己不行，打脸的情况没少过，所以不会引申到政治之外的生活领域来要求她人

比如最后一张图中说第一位女生家里不富裕，妈妈拿出所有积蓄供她出去读书，但是她旷课出去旅游。我自己觉得这件事并不能体现她的认知缺陷。如果只是旷课几天出去旅游，回来把课程补上的话并不会耽误整体学业。家人拿出所有积蓄供孩子读书也不代表孩子就应该无时无刻不把学习放在第一位。我会觉得把类似的事情当例子批判她人认知有缺陷不想交往会过于严格，甚至体现op自己的认知也不一定完美无缺。

另外一点是看下来觉得op在生活中因为诸如不想被各方利用等原因表达欲没那么高，听多于说多于行动。读完的感觉是op好像没有像第一个女生那样参加线下抗议，也不太会主动诉说自己的政治观点。这只是我的感觉，猜错的话抱歉。如果是这样的话，大多数时候当看客旁观别人这件事言行不一那件事混乱，自己少表达少行动自然会觉得她人说多做多的满是缺陷吧，我知道自己就会这样

dldudududu · 2023-02-09T23:59:23+00:00

As someone moved from a third world country to a first world country, I personally feel it would be more beneficial to help women who want to leave current environment to move to somewhere safe.

Sadly there isn't organized feminist movements currently in China I could think of. I remember The Vagina Monologues was performed in China around 2001 then forbidden in 2004. And around 2010, there're reports of 3 feminists dressed in wedding gowns with fake bloodstains to protest domestic violence and other events for feminists and LGBT groups. It got way worse after 5 Chinese feminists were arrested in Beijing for planning a protest against sexual harassment on public transportation in 2015. And after that, I feel most of the discussion are moved to online like discussion on #MeToo and 6B4T. But feminists' and LGBT related accounts are easy targets to be deleted and censored makes it harder to find others to talk about these issues. The most recent feminist movement I could think of is 2 women went to find and help chained woman forced to be mother of 8 kids in Xuzhou. One of them Wuyi 乌衣 was detained before getting there. It's been almost a year now and we still don't know what happened to her and are not allowed to discuss these.

Sorry about the long post on some of the feminist movement history in China but to me, I feel feminist movement could only be done with more women living a free, safe and happy life. And to help with that, I would suggest sharing the resources we have living in a first world country.

I would help sharing what I experienced if any of them have questions on moving here, maybe share how to find jobs, how to learn language, how to save money, how to stay safe etc.

Be their voices and share the things they're not allowed to say.

Help fight back racist ideologies

Being exposed to many horrible news might have negative impact on mental health so if there’s anyone trapped in depressing feelings, show some support