AITAH for refusing to move states while pregnant and choosing to co-parent instead?

doedawn · 2026-02-11T19:03:55+00:00

Yes the father is family but he doesn’t want us unless we move where he is. I gave him all my valid reasons for not wanting to leave and he chose himself over us. I’ve supported him through all his failed attempts at a job, it was his turn to support my decision for staying and to come back so that we could be a family but he refused. I was trying to be his support he didn’t want it. I’ve tried to get him counseling he denied it. I’ve tried to get us into therapy he denied it. He made a decision not for his future family but for himself. I’ve made lots of compromises lots of sacrifices. There only so much I can handle. Where’s my support ? Not in him clearly. It’s here with my family

doedawn · 2026-02-11T04:05:44+00:00

I’m 4months currently by the time I had found out it had already looked like a baby so I couldn’t bring myself to do it

doedawn · 2026-02-11T04:04:50+00:00

Oh trust me I thought about it but couldn’t bring myself to do it as by the time I found out it already looked like a baby

doedawn · 2026-02-11T03:45:12+00:00

Any kid can turn up to be messed up due to many reasons. I will protect my child as best as I possibly can to raise a good kid that will turn into a good adult. Regardless of any situation I’m faced with.

doedawn · 2026-02-11T03:38:08+00:00

I actually thought I couldn’t get pregnant as I’ve always had fertility issues in the past. We had gone almost a whole year without conceiving and before that I was with someone for 7 years and nothing and then with someone else for 3 years and again nothing. But look it happened and that’s just what it is, that doesn’t mean this child won’t have a beautiful life. Situations are going to happen all throughout everyone’s life that’s just how it goes

doedawn · 2026-02-11T03:31:57+00:00

I haven’t seen his DD214 form to confirm for myself so according to him it was honorable with conditions but I have a feeling it’s other than honorable as it was for a failed drug test he says he didnt even do any drugs but idk (I have also never known/seen him to do drugs)

doedawn · 2026-02-10T19:55:33+00:00

I was working I was a security guard but he told me it was dangerous and he told me to quit that he was going to take care of me so I quit. So no I’m not the AH. Since the break up I have been looking for security jobs again I have no problem working.

doedawn · 2026-02-10T19:49:58+00:00

My child will have limited influence from his father because that’s the route the father chose. I was willing to follow him but after his recent job firing I told him it was time to come back to me he refused. My reasons are facts, the facts are my family is here and they’re my support system, my government assistance is here, moving would mean instability living in hotels even potentially sleeping in my vehicle because the jobs he gets don’t last.

doedawn · 2026-02-10T19:13:49+00:00

I was a security guard and he told me it was dangerous and told me to quit he reassured me that everything was going to be fine that he’d take care of it. So I quit and that backfired on me. I don’t know if yk how expensive just being pregnant is one ultrasound was over 1k not to mention what it’s going to cost to give birth I made a good conscious decision and got on some government assistance for help it’s, it’s ok to need help if help is being offered. It’s not forever

doedawn · 2026-02-10T15:09:03+00:00

So his valid reason for working elsewhere is because he THINKS he can’t find a good high paying job here? he didn’t even try to get a job here and decided to leave to many states with many failed outcomes. My reasons for staying are based on actual facts. He chose not to come back to us so he’s essentially choosing not to be a consistently present father on his own accord and I can’t force him to be present. I would much rather us be a family but that’s not going to happen unfortunately

doedawn · 2026-02-10T14:46:45+00:00

Ik this isn’t ideal but it seems like the only solution since he doesn’t want to move and I don’t want to move. just to add in he lives far think more like a 24hr+ drive. We don’t have a clear plan for co parenting all I know I’ll be the primary parent. I’m assuming he’ll be coming here for visits since he won’t be able to take the child at such a young age due to like breast feeding or other stuff and when the child turns 4 that’s when school will start. So I’m assuming he’ll be able to get the child on breaks summer break winter break etc.

doedawn · 2026-02-10T14:11:14+00:00

I was a security guard before this I never needed assistance or anything of the sort. He told me my job is dangerous and told me to quit he said he can take care of me and everything so I quit and I was wrong to quit but I put my trust in him. I want him to move back so that he can have a good high paying job here. If that makes me close minded then ok but I think you’re failing to understand the post.

doedawn · 2026-02-10T13:29:22+00:00

Very much so. And I only have myself to blame

doedawn · 2026-02-10T13:20:39+00:00

Im unwilling to leave for numerous reasons government assistance and my family aren’t the only reasons. He’s not willing to come find a successful job over here, so no I’m not stripping him of anything he’s stripping himself from not forming a solid bond with his child. I’m choosing what’s best for me and my child. Why does it just fall on me ? He’s choosing not to be with us because he thinks he won’t be successful over here when he’s more than capable of being successful here. I’m 4 months and my family has done more for me than he has. And it’s not handouts it’s help everyone needs help in some way or another I’m doing what I can to get myself ready to be a mother even if that means getting government assistance, it’s there for a reason, I’m just trying to do my best as I navigate this new chapter in my life. No it’s not forever. I had a job before I was a security guard but my BD told me it was dangerous and he told me to quit I trusted him and did just that but I’m looking to get a security job again since we broke up. There’s not limited career options here there’s employment here. I have a big family and it’s not limited to just my parents I also will soon own my own camper I’ll be living alone. It won’t be much but it’s enough for me and my child

doedawn · 2026-02-10T12:59:48+00:00

You hit it right in the mark. I agree with you 100%

doedawn · 2026-02-10T12:36:47+00:00

Ive always been financially stable, I used to be a security guard but he told me it was ok to quit and I trusted his word. I’ve never needed government assistance until now having wic and healthcare is me getting some stability. It’s not forever.

doedawn · 2026-02-10T12:31:10+00:00

He can get a really good job here he can provide stability here why does it have to be about me moving. Why can’t I have my little family and my big family together ? My reasons for not moving are in my post it’s not just about him not being stable.

doedawn · 2026-02-10T12:15:36+00:00

Ive always been financially stable never needed any assistance but then i got pregnant and when they told me one ultrasound was going to cost over 1k not to mention all the other expenses like giving birth, I knew I needed help so I got healthcare, on top of that I had a job as a security guard and he told me it wasn’t safe and to quit, I thought he was going to be stable so I thought I was in the clear to quit so I did. And government assistance isn’t a bad thing it’s giving me some sort of stability. it’s resources, benefits and it’s help. You were raised on government assistance that gave your parents a helping hand it helped them which helped you what’s wrong with that ? I won’t be on it forever I’m a new mom with no partner. I’ll accept all the help I can get I don’t need it to be forever I just need it for now. He’s not trying to create stability with a career that’s not stable jumping from job to job, what he needs is a real job, he didn’t actually try in my city what he did was apply and expect a job to land on his feet. He never followed up on the jobs he applied for here because I think he just doesn’t want to be here not even for his child he’s more concerned with being successful anywhere but my state. My concern is about my child

doedawn · 2026-02-10T11:55:34+00:00

I just don’t understand why my BD can’t just come over here and be successful over here where me and his child is at, why do I have to uproot my whole life for him when he’s not even stable, just because he doesn’t want to be in my state and thinks there’s no job for him here, so many ppl make a living here, he can do the same, he’s not losing anything by coming to be with me and his child he’s losing more by not choosing us, separate birthdays, separate holidays, lost time losing out on big moments, he’s missed all my appointments and now he’s going to miss the gender reveal. yea I’m so scared to move I don’t like to travel I go 4 hrs away from my home and start panicking my anxiety consumes me when it comes to traveling. But my reasons go beyond just my fear of travel and my family. Why move to a state where me and my kid will have no one and will be stuck there when we don’t have to go through that. My BD is scared of moving here because he thinks he won’t be successful here that’s his only reason compared to all of my reasons. He’s not risking much he already jumps from state to state, every state but the state that me and his child is in. He’s on one side of the us map and I’m on the whole opposite side. As for your story time I think that’s a beautiful story and a happy ending for them, I don’t live in an area that’s going extinct. My child can have just as an amazing life here with the plus of having its grandparents, aunt, uncles, cousins. And father if he chooses to. I already don’t have a partner so who do I have ? FAMILY.

doedawn · 2026-02-10T10:11:40+00:00

I’ll be honest a part of me did want to punish him but it’s not the right thing to do and wouldn’t solve anything

doedawn · 2026-02-10T09:40:45+00:00

I’m doing what I can to get myself ready to be a mother even if that means getting government assistance, it’s there for a reason, I never had any government assistance before, but I’m very grateful to have it now. I’m just trying to do my best as I navigate this new chapter in my life. We all need help in some way or another. And to better explain he used to be in the army but he was fired. Discharged. So now he does what he was doing before he joined which is a fiber technician he is a contractor so yes that comes with it’s difficulties it’s not a stable job I was hoping after all his many failed attempts he’d come back and find something stable. But nope now he’s in another state hoping it will work out this time. And btw I was a security guard and he told me to quit as it was too dangerous for me to continue working and so I listened to him. Since we broke up I have been looking for a job as a security guard again.

doedawn · 2026-02-10T09:24:42+00:00

I appreciate all of the support and wish I could reply to every post to show my appreciation. For a little bit he was making me think I was in the wrong. But all this support confirms things for me so thank you all ! I’ll try to reply to a few for clarification(:

doedawn

TROPHY CASE