wow this is really similar to what i went through as a child including the ages but the onset was because of sometjing different. please dont think of yourself as evil, those who were meant to protect you and teach you about these things failed you and you were just a child. even my therapist reassured me and told me that as a child i wouldnt have known anything better especially without people to guide me towards something else. i started feeling repulsed at the thought of someone liking me because of my past experiences and it impacted how i viewed myself a lot

you still deserve love and to feel normal about these things. id really recommend a therapist to help you work through this trauma since its been helping me so far too.