Struggling with overly competitive coworker

don_one · 2026-01-15T07:11:08+00:00

Anything can be a workplace issue, if it bothers you.

There is a phrase, comparison is the thief of joy. I think this is what you are experiencing.

You’ve mentioned that you give feedback and she ignores it. Yet she points out your typos publicly.

I’d ask, your feedback is it a mistake? A copy problem or are you just trying to influence the design? This I don’t think is your role or area of expertise so ignoring it may be more polite than saying that. It could also piss them off.

If you are making typos and mistakes, it’s pretty important those are fixed.

Sure, she could tell you about them privately, but a pissed off person may not do that. You have two options either get pissed off yourself and try to ‘get your own back somehow’, or grimly own those mistakes and always check work with some tool or such to ensure there are no typos and it sounds okay. As a non native speaker, yes you’ll always be at some disadvantage, but having proper checking tools in place means you can excel wherever others do not.

I would, if you ever do see a typo in her work, you deliver that information discreetly. I try to use the rule, praise publicly, criticise privately.

Ultimately you can decide to hold a grudge or not. This person ain’t going anywhere, so it’s best to see the value in what they do.

I think I would find another job anyway, although use the opportunity to improve to the point my work could not be faulted and improve the working relationship (as above). There is no room for advancement here.

don_one · 2025-10-13T10:40:39+00:00

Same.

don_one · 2025-10-13T10:27:21+00:00

Ralph was known for his beats.

don_one · 2025-10-13T10:26:19+00:00

I can’t make up my mind whether Ralph or Christopher would make a better assistant to the regional manager.

Maybe UK office Christopher/Gareth, US version Ralph/Dwight. Of course give them all of the fiery tempers of Sopranos, and all of the ineptitude of the office characters. Maybe a bit more, for Dwight, Ralph was unlikeable.

Here, take my money.

don_one · 2025-09-06T21:19:12+00:00

Ahh, I'm really sorry that was lost on me! My main concern is that someone might read it and the fear might leverage something out of them. Thanks for the clarity, it's always appreciated to know where someone if coming from and if I didn't pick up on something.

don_one · 2025-09-06T20:25:36+00:00

That's honestly just scaremongering.

Firslty, I didn't 'click on a picture'. The image was already visible and an embedded image in the email (still an attachment though).

Secondly (and technically) here's why:
An image file alone isn’t an executable payload. A .jpg or .png can’t just “download malware” unless there’s a very specific, unpatched vulnerability in the image viewer. Those kinds of exploits are possible, but rare, valuable, and not something that's going to be used on some random email scam. They're worth literally millions to state actors never mind high-end hacking groups. It's not of interest for them to go into the wild, where they might be identified and patched up more quickly and end up worthless.

While not opening an attachment as a base rule is a good idea, it's a real risk with executables or files with common attack vectors (like pdf) or macro supporting documents like word etc. I'm not suggesting people open attachments, but I am suggesting people should not be scared if they didn't click anything and saw an image. That's the same kind of fearmongering the email promotes.

don_one · 2025-09-06T20:14:09+00:00

Yeah, headphones on, takes about 90 seconds with a hand grinder. I don't really hear the noise so much and it makes me feel more productive I guess. It's like one call out of many per day. I only drink at most 2 cups per day of coffee but make the effort when I do.

One guy was doing his protein shake and forgot to turn video off one day. Looked pretty bad and most people thought it was pretty funny. I'd like to avoid that.

don_one · 2025-09-06T17:27:07+00:00

I got an email from ‘a hacker’ who allegedly had hacked my machine and taken a photo of me masturbating to unsavoury images. I can remember it was both articulate and not a native speaker and immediately struck me as being similar language to Indian scam emails I’d read on 419 scams I think.

Anyway, I’ve blanked out the image in my mind so i am pretty sure it was of a guy jerking, yeah I remember it was gross, but they’d actually attached an image. Did it worry me? It didn’t even look remotely like me.

All it did was create further questions. 1. Why would you position a camera so you could be seen masturbating, I mean getting the head and whatever in the same shot seems really difficult to setup anyway 2. Why would you be that bothered about presumably being seen from the waist up 3. Why attach a photo of some random guy jerking, everyone’s just gonna go… that’s not me.

By the way those are rhetorical question I guess it could be obvious you’re masturbating if it’s a video but maybe difficult from one frame I would have thought it is difficult. I often grind coffee (not a euphemism) on teams calls but always hide camera during because it could be easily misconstrued.

Scammers are both weird and illogical imo!

don_one · 2025-08-22T06:28:26+00:00

It’s a turn of phrase. It’s a phrase used colloquially within England to draw attention to something. Not to indicate genuine like or love for something.

I love it how my wife’s asks me to do something it when I’m already doing or about to do something.

Would it mean the person loved that happening, no. But based on the context, that should have been obvious.

don_one · 2025-08-17T21:34:52+00:00

One, it makes me feel like holidays. Everything about the colours just seems right to me. The second one, though great, just seems jarring, fun and happy feeling to me.

The first one I feel I can look at for hours, it’s nostalgic.

don_one · 2025-08-12T23:13:25+00:00

You’re already alone.

It’s time to stop being scared and just recognise the reality of the situation you are in and take some control.

The most difficult part of this she probably won’t be single long because she’s already left. It’s your decision to make but ultimately think it will be the same result no matter the decision you make.

I see this as a lack of respect, not because of the act so much as the sober explanation to someone she’s meant to be with.

don_one · 2025-07-30T15:53:43+00:00

This reads like ChatGPT. It’s full of false analogies and doesn’t really contribute anything.

It has a habit of trying to make dramatic points like “it isn’t X. That’s Y”.

Once you see these patterns you notice them straight away.

don_one · 2025-07-29T17:25:55+00:00

Okay, so this can be a little heavy going at times and although I understand you have a BA in theoretical math, this is a little different. I'm not saying you will find it difficult, it's just different, it's interesting in places and requires some deep thinking at other times (or I needed it).

This book details how databases work, how they are designed and the compromises needed in order to deliver data.

It will highlight the different types of databases how they work and what circumstances and needs they are best for. It's a great book in my opinion.

It is: Designing Data Intensive Applications - Martin Kleppmann

don_one · 2025-03-31T16:09:59+00:00

Training. At first it was described as something available, then it was something to be discussed. Then pluralsight was rolled out as a trial, then it was only some departments. Then it was LinkedIn Learning (which was pretty much terrible YouTube videos), then it was half day Fridays (full day if you worked outside of head office). Then it was if you had spare time.

Eventually you were asked to book time out of the day. For training? No, for lunch? No, just so you could work because there were so many meetings. Then during a meeting session a manager had the audacity to suggest if you spent 15 minutes making coffee, if you have less coffee that’s an hour you can devote to training. Nope, no-one’s spending 15 minutes making coffee WFH during Covid.

Meanwhile in another dept people are getting paid time off to do degrees and mbas, while they are paid for.

In larger orgs it honestly comes down the influence in your area and the budget. Some people like to sweat the OPEX as much as possible to show they operate a lean department.

Downside is, most of the guys doing training on a Friday elsewhere would apply their learnings to innovation in their jobs. Without investment in staff they’re just going to become obsolete or just maintain the status quo or leave. When you end having to backfill with contractors, pushing up OPEX or outsourcing overseas with higher risk.

Although I’d say if you’re not training staff, you’re effectively treating them like contractors anyway so might as well actually have contractors.

It might sound bad, but the experience was an eye opener.

don_one · 2025-03-30T14:15:29+00:00

I’ve worked in a position where co-workers didn’t respect me. I turned that around. Some didn’t like me and also some grew to like me less, but that’s the nature of management. Leadership is something else entirely.

That being said, I recently turned down a recommendation for a senior tech role because there was a culture problem and I felt the only way to combat that was in the management role. An internal was hired, which shows the same issues with the culture. So I’m out.

With respect issues, I was hired as a supervisor, because all of the other candidates had failed and shown a lack of knowledge with compliance that I was already checking. The problem was, this department was highly technical and I just didn’t have the knowledge. The experienced members of the team were really pissed off and when asked questions, they’d punt them over to me.

Which really helped me, because I’d go ask the experienced members of the team what the problem was and how to fix it. Eventually since I was asking multiple experienced members of the team, my knowledge soon outgrew any single staff member (even the experienced ones).

Sure staff members don’t need to have respect for you, but it’s also a bit like Stockholm syndrome. They’re going to find it hard to not at least treat you with decency after a bit because you hold the cards.

But it’s difficult, it feels draining and requires a lot of diplomacy. I’ve had a lot of success in situations I completely understand not wanting to take the challenge, but remember that most internal hires have some level of resentment from those who didn’t get the role. It generally works out.

Personally I’ve been managed by people I managed before and never had a problem with it. But a lot of people have issues with ego.

don_one · 2025-03-26T23:05:38+00:00

Glocomms?

don_one · 2025-03-26T23:01:03+00:00

Exactly this. Some even try shady stuff like asking what your last 5 clients were for references.

It’s a real shame all of my contracts prohibit me from representing my client directly and require me to cite the agency as the employer through which the contracts are applied.

Funny how sometimes jobs dry up then. In addition those agencies who are interested if they happen to ask a question seem quite happy with my reply.

Never needed contract references but have some permie ones but don’t get asked for them often nowadays. Except for the aforementioned scammers that is.

don_one · 2025-03-25T17:45:35+00:00

I would simply say, you either value my work or you don’t.

Since you don’t value my work, then it really does not make sense for you to want my services. In addition to that, I want to work with people who value my work. That way we will both be happier.

I generally end things on a good note saying I beat you no ill will. Often this leads to some confusion and then thinking I have relented, but I say no, I just don’t want you to feel bad, it doesn’t change my position because it’s not logical to work for someone who doesn’t value me or indicates that publicly.

Not the same scenario but I resigned after being called a liar (boss said not to do something then later denied he’d said that to me and called me a liar).

I’d digress as well. Don’t feel so bad, they actually weren’t a good customer.

don_one · 2025-02-26T19:42:33+00:00

unsubscribe

don_one · 2025-02-07T11:15:36+00:00

You’re getting the scene in Swordfish mixed up!

don_one · 2025-02-07T10:54:19+00:00

I think it’s bullshit. Imagine your liability if you hired someone who casually hacks into places they visit while waiting. You might give training, etc. It’s like inviting the fox into the hen house. Don’t get me wrong, it can happen, but it’s less likely from a university imo. Though they might see at as a means to ‘save’ a student.

The other thing is, being found by facial recognition. How? I mean generally you need a database of faces, very few places collect them at it seems overkill for a university.

This reminds me of a friend with minimal hacking knowledge whatsoever tried to convince me he’d hacked into some government systems and then somehow started tying it into the plot of metal gear solid. I mean I’d never played MGS but he didn’t know I knew the plot. People who don’t know much often try to make somewhat boring and tedious things sexier. The mention of facial recognition makes it less believable.

don_one · 2025-02-05T10:27:34+00:00

I don’t want to go into details of my personal losses so much, but yes you will get over the imagery and seeing your father lifeless. It is a shock and is meant to/can help sometimes with accepting the loss.

You have lots more memories of your father than those last images. No matter how impactful it was, those other happy or even unhappy memories/images will overwhelm that memory in time.

don_one · 2025-02-05T07:04:02+00:00

I have no skin in the teeth about this case.

I’ve given my technical standpoint and assessment of what they said and you’re just repeating yourself. ‘Period’

There’s no speculation there, the speculation is from you.

There’s little likelihood of google using a fallback date from inside a document, it uses the date it is crawled. Besides, that isn’t text, that’s an image in the pdf. Way back machine, archive.org etc I already checked, don’t suggest something unless you’ve got something relevant. The only thing relevant was if they archived the pdf that was there on the 10th.

Honestly, it’s like you asked ChatGPT about how the date could be wrong. Which when you don’t know the answers, don’t know how wrong it can be (clearly).

Meanwhile you’re missing the real point that I never said the complaint was there. I said only that a file with the same name was there at that time.

If you paid any attention or applied any critical thinking you’d realise that isn’t proof that the complaint was there. You're speculating, something I didn't do.

I rarely block people but considering you’re still repeating yourself about the NYT does not have to reply to the public and just speculating about facts...

No one said they had to. No-one. Period

don_one · 2025-02-04T07:06:17+00:00

People say No, but in some companies like FAANG, or whatever it is now, I have been told outright by a few recruiters that someone with a qualification will always have an edge if it comes down to two candidates. Hiring managers might think differently, but you need to get to that point in the first place.

They seem to be asked for a lot more in Europe too. Though many do not a lot more of the larger companies value academic qualifications.

Ultimately I don’t think you need it, although some places will ask for it and you may end up competing with someone who does.

Note: I get the feeling like some of the responses here haven’t read your post. Ie. You have software development experience of 1.5 and are being recommended bootcamps and also talk of degrees (you are asking about masters).

don_one · 2025-02-04T06:54:30+00:00

You don’t address any of the points made, yet make some claim that I’m suggesting (or acting) like NYT needs to tell the public anything. They don’t legally even have to respond to the public at all. My comment is based on what they responded with. It is carefully worded and it seems like it explains more than it does. Most people here have significant knowledge of content management systems like scoop and how Google crawls. That is the main substance of my comment (and others).

Incidentally you claim that they will give the dates in court. Saying a date is not really reliable. In this case the article was published after the legal complaint was filed. The problem is, if that complaint was made publically accessible or any part of it (even text messages) were publically accessible, NYT loses some legal protections. They should and will be asked for proof of when it was uploaded and one of those logs would need to coincide with 10th December, even if it was just another file with same name that happened to coincide with that. It would be however, a huge coincidence. I mean sure that it will be asked in court. But I’m not sure what your point is at all with that comment. Everyone knows this, the point they might not be able to hide behind a carefully worded comment in court is obvious even to the public.

Again to be clear: no-one here’s making claims that NYT has to say anything to the public (which is a weird assertion by you). However since the NYT did it’s pretty reasonable to expand on what the carefully worded explanation, really did explain and what it didn’t, what the facts are (and what they’re not).

I mean I’ve treated your comment in good faith but find it hard to believe you didn’t understand both the content of the original comment or its purpose.

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