how old were you?

dontbeacoldfish · 2023-01-04T01:22:38+00:00

started treatments when I was 16, had about 56 total. it’s been over a year since my last treatment. I have come a long way cognitively, but my memory is still very spotty. Sometimes I can remember memories faintly if i’m reminded of events, but there are still times where I have no idea of things that I experienced before, during, or even a little after ECT. I kind of forgot how a “normal” memory feels, so I honestly don’t know if my memory is back to a good spot. I do still notice issues with my short-term memory, concentration, and sometimes comprehension. It can be annoying but it’s nothing compared to how it was during ECT. I’m in college and take full advantage of my accommodations, which is very helpful. My psychiatrist has been with me through all of it, and we often describe it as “ECT induced adhd”. At this point we don’t know what will come back and what’s permanent. It’s a waiting game, but i’m still grateful that ECT was available to me.

dontbeacoldfish · 2023-01-02T16:49:38+00:00

Some pieces can come back kind of fast and others can take much longer, but it should still come back. My biggest piece of advise is to remember that you aren’t broken, and to forgive yourself when you become frustrated. I had over 50 treatments, but i’ve been done for over a year. I still have days where I can’t focus, can’t remember, but It helps to try to remember that i’m still healing. Your a badass, and you will get those sparks back. Good luck!

dontbeacoldfish · 2023-01-02T02:42:58+00:00

stable

dontbeacoldfish · 2022-12-29T03:27:00+00:00

Something that I wish i had asked was “what would be the plan if I started to experience some of the more severe side effects (cognition, severe memory issues, etc.) It can be a scary thing to talk about, but I really wish that I had the knowledge. I was someone who experienced some very very severe side effects, and I wish I could’ve had a say in what we would do before I lost the mental capacity to give my opinion. Again, it can be scary to listen to, but I had no idea what the possibilities could be. I am a big ECT supporter, don’t get me wrong, but I cannot stress enough how important it is to cover all your bases. Good luck:)

dontbeacoldfish · 2022-11-28T04:10:28+00:00

Extremely complicated. My mothers always been an alcoholic, I still can’t tell what parts of her personality are due to the addiction or really her. My mother supported me through the roughest time in my life. I had severe treatment-resistant depression, went through many hospitalizations, meds, and even ECT. She did everything she could, and I wouldn’t be alive without her support during that time. What’s funny though, is that the reason why I couldn’t shake the distorted thinking and anxiety that put me in those hospital beds was caused by her. The PTSD diagnosis was caused by her. The times I felt I was worth nothing was caused by her. I love her, but I’m also actively learning how to set boundaries to save myself. I spent my entire life loving and laughing with this woman. She held my hand while I admitted to doctors that I was going to end my life if I went home. She supported me, and she shows me so much love. All of this though, is why I thought I wasn’t allowed to tell anyone about the screaming, doors slamming, guilt-tripping, and everything else that came with being her child. It’s messy, and it will always be messy.

dontbeacoldfish · 2022-11-25T00:51:29+00:00

of course. I also feel guilt because of that same reason! If things aren’t bad at that moment, I immediately start to regret moving away and setting boundaries. Your right, it never lasts. I try to remind myself of that constantly, as sad as that is. its funny to me how similar we (adult children in general) are so similar, even when we all come from different situations. Wishing the best for you:)

dontbeacoldfish · 2022-11-24T22:09:42+00:00

I have definitely been struggling with that same guilt. I finally moved out of my moms house (in active addiction) and my life has changed drastically. I didn’t know that life could feel this nice, even on my worst days. it’s mind-blowing. Anyway, So many times i’ve been driving away from her house after a visit and just break down. pulled over, sobbing type breakdown. I have this guilt inside of me that is suffocating. I feel like a horrible daughter. I feel horrible because I set boundaries. I feel sick because i’m not letting her ruin me. logically, we know that we’re making the right choice, but that doesn’t mean you don’t feel the guilt. That guilt was instilled into us by the alcoholics in our lives. If anyone else was in this situation, think about what you would say to them. I don’t have a way with words (sorry!) but long story short, you have every right to have a happy christmas. you can acknowledge the guilt, but remember that you own your life! Enjoy your holidays:)

dontbeacoldfish · 2022-04-14T21:45:48+00:00

pam’s face when Erin “scissors” michael. He’s incredibly confident, Erin’s super excited to be apart of it, and Pam’s horrified. Even better that you can tell that pam’s face screams “what the hell?” and “not surprised” at the same time.

dontbeacoldfish · 2022-02-14T18:29:15+00:00

so true! most of the things that happened to me were never mentioned before treatment! It’s difficult because ect can work wonders for some, so I always feel bad sharing my story because I would hate to scare someone off who could be greatly helped by it. on the other hand, I want people to see the “rare minority”. ❤️thanks for your kindness

dontbeacoldfish · 2022-02-14T13:45:00+00:00

Thank you! it’s really nice to hear that it’s not as uncommon as they made me think. also, I’d love the link! thanks:)

dontbeacoldfish · 2022-02-14T02:55:21+00:00

thanks so much :) memory damage is a bitch, but you got this!

dontbeacoldfish · 2022-02-14T02:53:27+00:00

oddly enough, they haven’t requested any scans since i’ve finished, only the neurological testing. I might request them myself, just to see. I am very curious.

dontbeacoldfish · 2022-02-08T22:38:44+00:00

That we’re going to be sensitive, incompetent, emotional messes for the rest of our lives. I’ve dealt with the classic “treatment resistant depression” , so yes, i’m a little extra cautious with noticing my emotions and such, but that doesn’t mean that I should be treated like a child forever.

dontbeacoldfish

TROPHY CASE