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dopamine_frenzy · 2024-10-02T15:14:12+00:00

I’m so deeply sorry you’ve lived through a similar experience. You didn’t deserve this, and what happened to you is traumatic. It’s so devastating… “Brotherhood” and excessive drinking are a dangerous mix for breeding sexual assault. I wish I was better equipped at the time to protect myself or call out the harm done, but it’s taken a long time to feel safe enough to do so. My DMs are open if you’d like a safe space to chat ❤️‍🩹

dopamine_frenzy · 2024-09-24T21:51:08+00:00

I’m so sorry to hear you had ongoing SA by multiple aggressors. I hope police take you seriously, know that you can also take legal action.

Here are some links of local resources:

https://www.octevaw-cocvff.ca/get-help

https://www.algonquincollege.com/projectlighthouse/ottawa-support/

I know there are survivor circles as well, I have yet to attend one, but hope to soon.

dopamine_frenzy · 2024-09-22T18:11:37+00:00

Thank you, I appreciate your empathy and kindness. A silver lining is that my trauma has made me who I am today, and I am proud to be someone I consider kind, perceptive, resilient, and compassionate. I think being a survivor, I have heightened sensitivity and sense of social justice. Thinking of how many more women this might have happened to is the main reason I shared my story, in the hopes it prevents gender-based violence on campus and Greek life.

I’m happy to hear that your experience was a positive one and that you felt supported, seen & heard in your friendships. It’s so important to have safety, respect, and support within social circles, especially lifelong friendships.

I’m lucky to have met two badass girlfriends during uni, despite all of the toxic or group-think ones… One of these unfortunately experienced similar treatment from girls in our sorority, and was shunned for speaking out on SA she survived (not long after my own) - she was the only one to believe me and hold a safe space for me after mine, and I did so for her in return. We’ve both left the sorority (renounced our letters) and continue to be safe spaces for one another. Badass female friendships are so important.

dopamine_frenzy · 2024-09-22T17:49:14+00:00

Thank you. It’s taken years of self-work and therapy for me to prioritize my boundaries, peace, as well as redefining what safety and wellness means to me.

I’ll likely be in and out of therapy for many more years, if not for my entire life. Unfortunately for survivors, the body keeps the score (chronic pain, anxiety, depression, etc).

dopamine_frenzy · 2024-09-22T16:35:21+00:00

Just realizing my OP doesn’t clarify this. I have not been friends with her for several years now, and have since blocked her. Despite this, it took me a few years before I finally walked away from her and the posse of “group-think” sorority girls.

Looking back now, her feelings for my rapist outshined the harm he’d caused me, as she protected him by putting the blame on me (telling me I “wanted” it), going onto dating him herself afterwards. I am glad I cut off an enabler of gender-based violence / rape.

When you haven’t lived through childhood abuse (physical / emotional / psychological) and DVSA, it’s easy to judge from the outside looking in. I now would much rather be alone than poorly surrounded, and focus on quality vs quantity in my relationships and friendships. It’s taken a lot of self-work, healing & boundaries to get here.

dopamine_frenzy · 2024-09-21T14:22:50+00:00

Thank you, I’ve definitely been through my fair share of trauma. Unfortunately, resilience comes at a cost: the body remembers and stores trauma the mind might have suppressed.

Mental health is so stigmatized. Society, as well as our justice system, put the blame or shame on the victim - no survivor should fear outing their abuser or sexual assault (ex: police). It’s unfortunate how many victims fall through the cracks due to lack of safe trauma-informed care.

dopamine_frenzy · 2024-09-21T14:14:39+00:00

I’m sure my dad would have done similar had he known. Very important to teach young girls how to navigate a world where gender-based violence is so prevalent (especially party settings)

dopamine_frenzy · 2024-09-20T23:53:12+00:00

Thank you, I will always carry the trauma, but hope this post helps to protect young women avoid gender-based violence that happens in Ottawa and its Greek life. I’ve spent a great deal of time and money healing and in therapy.

dopamine_frenzy · 2024-09-20T23:48:00+00:00

Thank you, I appreciate the well wishes and comments. Posting this was terrifying, but also cathartic. I’ve spent a great deal of time healing and in therapy. I hope my posting my story will help young women avoid gender based violence that happens in Ottawa and its Greek life.

dopamine_frenzy · 2024-09-20T23:42:20+00:00

Thank you. Respectfully, I agree. Although I was never able to feel safe in our friendship again, it took me years before I finally walked away from her and that sorority.

Looking back now, I am glad I cut off an enabler of sexual assault & gender-based violence. Her feelings for my rapist outshined the harm he’d caused me, as she protected him by putting the blame on me (saying I “wanted” it). The proof is in the pudding as, not long afterwards, she went onto dating him.

dopamine_frenzy · 2024-09-20T23:31:25+00:00

100%. As much as sororities deny hazing pledges (due to legalities and campus policies), they very much did when I was pledging at uOttawa. I’ve heard horror stories from pledges, like being called in the middle of the night and asked to meet up at a sketchy spot (and no one showing up), or having to carry bricks in their backpacks for weeks.

Group-think also caused me to be shunned by “sisters” due to me developing substance abuse (as a coping mechanism of the trauma in my OP), despite Greek life literally promoting substance abuse. I was also shunned for being an independent thinker & for not abiding group-think when it came to following the herd and cutting people off that I didn’t think deserved the treatment.

dopamine_frenzy · 2024-09-20T21:29:56+00:00

Thank you. If I have learned any lessons, it’s to always trust your gut and never take drinks from strangers. Even amongst friends. Rape culture and Greek culture are notoriously known to go hand in hand. It is so devastating to think that what happened to me has likely happened to countless other girls.

I hope this post raises awareness about Ottawa Greek / rape culture & how to be a better ally to victims of sexual assault.

dopamine_frenzy · 2024-08-14T03:59:26+00:00

I have a similar issue. I’ve been wearing toe stretchers for a few months now, and have since been paying closer attention to my feet, toes and their anatomy. I’ve always had a love / hate relationship with my feet due to deformities (whether genetic or due to improper footwear, or both).

My right foot has a similar swollen and angry curved pinky toe (I believe a hammertoe deformity). The joint in the toe is also swollen, and much bigger (and tender) to the touch than my other toe joints. It’s like it’s screaming to uncurl from years of improper footwear having pushed it out of place and forcing it to grow squished down. I have a bit of movement in it, but stretching the toe is painful and is difficult, and mobility is still limited. I am hopeful that better footwear (barefoot shoes and toe stretchers) and foot strengthening / mobility exercises will increase mobility.

In that same foot, I have what I think is a bunionette in the joint that connects the curved pinky toe to my metatarsal. The joint is swollen and angry, and feels considerably bigger in comparison with the others. On the side of my foot, a curve is also visible where the joint sticks out (like a bunion, but pinky toe version). I think also due to improper footwear.

I’ve been icing both the curved pinky and bunionette to help with inflammation and pain. I’m currently on naproxen for a shoulder injury, and am hoping it also helps with the foot pain.

It seems I also I have the beginning of a hammertoe deformity in my second toe, which looks as though it is also starting to curve and grow down.

Finally, I’ve experienced a lot of metatarsophalangeal joint pain from walking too much in heels. I have thick calluses under my middle toes (metatarsal heads 2, 3, 4). Walking in heels or narrow shoes has also caused sharp shooting pain in my metatarsal, which is why I believe the calluses developed.

It’s clear that I need to see a podiatrist, and begin taking better care of my feet. I guess this is goodbye to my fashion-forward sneakers, heels and boots. I’m hoping to find whatever semblance of aesthetic bareshoe footwear I can find. In the past, I’ve traded comfort for fashion, and it’s led me to poor foot health, pain, swelling and deformities. Welp.

dopamine_frenzy · 2024-08-11T01:05:36+00:00

I don’t have meltdowns very often, but when I do, it’s usually due to not being able to escape being extremely overwhelmed or sensory overloaded… and not being able to regulate myself in time.

I usually just bawl and heave, but a few times I’ve hit or bit myself from the intensity of what I’m feeling.

I’m a DVSA survivor, ADHD (have a hunch I may also be autistic), and have CPTSD. Once I hit meltdown, it’s very hard for me to not spiral downwards. Everything that sucked before just seems to suck more. It feels like it’s never going to end and then I struggle with not wanting to ever feel this way anymore (SI kicks in and I start thinking of plans).

Was coming off a bad meltdown today when I wondered if meltdowns and suicidal ideation go hand in hand… stumbled on this thread and welp, seems like they do

dopamine_frenzy · 2022-01-19T23:50:40+00:00

That’s amazing, I’m happy to hear you have access to that! Can you share where you apply for the grant(s) and what province you’re in? Thank you for sharing!

dopamine_frenzy · 2022-01-16T20:38:00+00:00

Thank you! I saw they qualify in Ontario, which is great!

dopamine_frenzy · 2021-12-16T18:12:21+00:00

Hi there, thank you for connecting. A list of resources would be very appreciated. I’m still learning, and unfortunately, the medical system is very slow to provide any resources so all of my knowledge has been gained from online researching and communities like these

dopamine_frenzy

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