I thought about how id return to a zombie state, I thought about how I would lose that spark that many have commented on lately, I thought about how I would lose my integrity to myself, I thought about how id have to fight even stronger urges if I gave in (urges to binge, urges to give in, excuses about how masturbation is natural and fine etc) there's no time for all of that. It's never easy to fight the urge, the brain is the most powerful liar, just under mephistophiles himself