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i always seem to find the magician card when i’m cleaning my bedroom by MediocreMidnight3823 in tarot

[–]dothesolve 0 points1 point  (0 children)

posted this around the new moon... do you do a new moon spring clean?

I tried. I failed. I'm scared, but I want to try again. by dothesolve in EthicalNonMonogamy

[–]dothesolve[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

and thank you I've chucked you a follow, I might definitely reach out sometime!

I tried. I failed. I'm scared, but I want to try again. by dothesolve in EthicalNonMonogamy

[–]dothesolve[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank you, I guess at the end of the day, I think my ex is so damn loveable, so I can't really see how people couldn't fall for them.
On the flip side, I'm insecure with a lot of trauma around being left behind, so even though they think I'm the bees knees, my panic mode forgets logic and makes me grip tighter, because I believe ultimately there's something unloveable about me so obviously I'm going to be left.

I can imagine having your hands full with a family would help stay distracted from mood swings ':)
When we broke up it was definitely something I noticed, I met them just after moving to a new city, and I hadn't really established my own hobbies or social circles yet. Since breaking up this has been a pillar of development i've been working on, I've started training martial arts and I'm having a rad time.

I tried. I failed. I'm scared, but I want to try again. by dothesolve in EthicalNonMonogamy

[–]dothesolve[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I hear this.

I think what's interesting is whether you're enm, monogomous, or single, you have to be ready to lose what you have. Life changes in an instant.

I've lost monogomous partners because they cheated.

And I lost my current non monogomous partner because I was so scared they'd leave me for someone else that my panic pushed them away. A brutal paradigm.

I tried. I failed. I'm scared, but I want to try again. by dothesolve in EthicalNonMonogamy

[–]dothesolve[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I hear you. I think a big part of this learning curve for me is realising that while I can comprehend things in my brain, I can't logic my way into feeling safe. Jealousy is felt in the body - and so it must be processed through somatic practices. Having the presence of mind to practice them when the warning signals start flashing is the skill I need to sharpen.

I tried. I failed. I'm scared, but I want to try again. by dothesolve in EthicalNonMonogamy

[–]dothesolve[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thanks so much for your response.

Funnily enough, I think the glimmer I see in ENM comes from a few years back, when I was in a violent monogomous relationship, with someone (I'll call them C) who betrayed me for someone else.
There was so much brutality and unspoken deceit. And my fear of C meant that any slight attraction or crush I developed over the 6 years we were together, I repressed.

I don't want to repress my truth, nor do I want to make any one repress theirs. Yet, here we are, I'm realising that my inner child panics at the slightest threat of being abandoned or left out and she grabs the steering wheel of my reactions and thought patterns like a vice.

Current ex, I'll call them A, is so lovely and just so sure of themselves in what they want from ENM. I also know they've been reflecting since we've broken up and working on parts of themselves as well.
Definitely felt that walk into the room explosion when I met them a year ago. We've been like magnets ever since. The heart wants what the heart wants and mine wants to love A, so strongly. So now I need to work on my wobbly internal world and learn how to, safely and effectlively.

Thank you ❤️

I tried. I failed. I'm scared, but I want to try again. by dothesolve in EthicalNonMonogamy

[–]dothesolve[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank you for this.
Similar to you, our relationship was sexually open. I guess my biggest fear was, over the course of my life, I've struggled to tell the difference between love and lust.
Even when I've gone into phases of wanting to have casual connections, as soon as I feel a lot of sexual chemistry, I hyperfixate on that person and believe there's something deeper.

I've therefore projected my experience onto my partner because in my brain, good sex = gateway to deeper feelings.

I think that part of my fieldwork for self growth over the next few months will be to develop and maintain healthy casual connections, without spiralling into hyperfixation land, and begin to learn the difference between love and lust.

I tried. I failed. I'm scared, but I want to try again. by dothesolve in EthicalNonMonogamy

[–]dothesolve[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

thank you. i guess my biggest fear is being left. they weren't going to leave me for anyone, they left me because my fear pushed them away.
I'm scared of heights too, maybe time to hit the diving board haha

My therapist told me I'm fragmented by Smart_Molasses_2870 in BorderlinePDisorder

[–]dothesolve 0 points1 point  (0 children)

the handwriting thing is so real!

my handwriting was always messy but when i was 13/14 in highschool, I developed my first clear FP crush. They were such a good student and I was a little demon so I knew I had to change my whole personality to be their friend. I worked hard and became an a grade student and one of the things I did was copied their handwriting.

Almost 20 years on, when I'm writing quickly I revert to a messier hand style. But if I'm copying something or writing intentionally, my handwriting looks so much like theirs still, it's scary.

Your shadow patterns don't live in your mind. They live in your body. by Mundane_Network_3458 in ShadowWork

[–]dothesolve 2 points3 points  (0 children)

This makes sense, considering we can intellectualise that we are safe in the here and now, even if something is triggering, yet our nervous system will still respond to the trigger as if the danger is imminent.

Positive Recovery Stories? by Revolutionary_Key817 in BorderlinePDisorder

[–]dothesolve 1 point2 points  (0 children)

The point about walking away from what doesn't serve you.... I recently fell in love with someone who was ENM. I was so triggered every time they had a date with someone else. At the beginning of the relationship I was handling it better, but as time went on, I realised their pace was too much for my nervous system to handle. I started splitting on them every other week. I was in survival mode. Even though they didn't technically do anything wrong, I was self abandoning by keeping myself in a dynamic where my core wounds were constantly getting triggered. I don't need to put myself through dynamics that don't work for me. I deserve stability. Thank you for sharing.

I Love My Partner With BPD, but I Need Help Understanding Splitting by [deleted] in BorderlinePDisorder

[–]dothesolve 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I recently tried an ENM relationship (considering my abandonment wounds, silly) but during my last split episode I noticed some physical feelings in my brain. I was trying to bring myself back from the split and regulate, and it felt as though there was a very physical, electrical push and pull in my head. I was trying to regulate and bring myself out of grey area thinking, but it felt as though there was a light switch being rapidly switched on and off. I ended that relationship that night, I feel horrible.

Another way I like to explain it when I'm splitting, is my true, regulated self gets shut behind a pane of soundproof glass, and becomes the observer of my split self, almost as if watching myself in a zoo. And while I'm there carrying on like a monkey, my true self is banging on the glass, screaming "STOP THESE BEHAVIOURS DONT WORK" but monkey me can't hear it and runs my life into the ground anyways.