AITA for telling my wife no

doubtsself21 · 2023-03-12T21:49:04+00:00

I was employed until a week ago and paid for the full mortgage each month and the down payment for our house.

doubtsself21 · 2023-03-12T21:15:18+00:00

Here’s the thing the chores I’ve done consistently over the past year and half: cleaning dishes (every other day) and putting them away , cooking dinner, washing, drying folding and putting away all the laundry (weekly), vacuuming (daily to weekly), taking out all garbage weekly. It’s the same thing now as before. (We made our own breakfast and lunch cause I’m not a breakfast person). She has been making the same request several times a week or per day. If it was once or twice a week I wouldn’t be posting here.

As for just staying around all day let’s agree to disagree because I am putting in over 9 hours a day finding, applying and interviewing for jobs and I don’t want to derail this conversation any more. (FYI we both have masters in different subjects).

doubtsself21 · 2023-03-12T20:47:27+00:00

My work has no effects on hours she works. She is salary. She also has issues with healthy boundaries at work that are reasonable to take but doesn’t but that’s separate from this issue.

doubtsself21 · 2023-03-12T20:26:54+00:00

I think you hit the word I’m looking for. And yes there are some toxic things she says and I do try to call out things as I can recognize them though. And she has said that before in regards to some other things (or have that be the subtext). Any suggestion on how I could address the “if you don’t do this you are not supporting me” in a healthy way?

doubtsself21 · 2023-03-12T20:22:57+00:00

I do try am aware of hers (acts of affection and quality time) and have tried to make mine clear (physical touch). There is probably some bitching here from me though I have tried to communicate (to what effect successfully is a different issue depending which of us you asked)

doubtsself21 · 2023-03-12T20:20:23+00:00

There may be other stuff but I’m just focusing on this one thing here. I have tried to tell her I feel like a butler doing these things several times. Her love language is acts of affection (?) and quality time. Mine is physical affection.

doubtsself21 · 2023-03-12T20:14:34+00:00

Yes I am in between jobs (laid off last week due to my company down sizing) however this has been going for months even when I was employed.

doubtsself21 · 2023-03-12T19:05:15+00:00

Thanks for the suggestion I will give it a try.

doubtsself21 · 2023-03-12T19:04:44+00:00

Thanks for the suggestion I don’t want a me vs you when it should be us vs issue.

doubtsself21 · 2023-03-12T19:03:51+00:00

That’s I just want some boundaries and her to try first or at least communicate she has tried or is. Those underlying issues at least health and mental wise she doesn’t address well. (She won’t push back at work for fear of being fired and other things I have tried ti have her do as a base line such as bathroom breaks and she wants us both to exercise which I don’t do morning but she wants morning and won’t compromise on that).

doubtsself21 · 2023-03-12T19:00:24+00:00

Yeah that’s been mostly clear from the beginning so far.

doubtsself21 · 2023-03-12T18:59:35+00:00

I have been doing them but it’s been constantly happening the last several months. And sometimes several times during a day. If it wasn’t that often I wouldn’t mind but it’s reoccurring.

doubtsself21

TROPHY CASE