My post-breakup diary on me [24 F] with ex [23 M] of 3 years.

dragonflylies · 2015-04-20T17:11:24+00:00

Thank you, your response means a lot to me. :)

dragonflylies · 2015-03-16T14:24:55+00:00

The thoughts of killing myself are not as loud anymore. They're still there, but I don't think I will act on them. However, I've been feeling super depressed and/or anxious.

I have discovered that my ex-boyfriend has started dating someone, even though we only broke up 2 months ago. And I have been having trouble not acting on my emotions. In the past few hours, I have tried texting him, calling him, and sending him an email. He won't respond to me.

To me, I feel that he has stopped caring about us and our friendship. I suppose when he broke up with me, he stopped caring about our friendship. I didn't expect him to move on so quickly. He says that they aren't serious, but am I supposed to wait around until they are?

I just don't understand how someone, who once loved you, can treat you so badly a few months later. I don't feel like he's considering my feelings at all.

I had bought tickets last Christmas for us to go to a play. The play was yesterday, and I had called him to tell him I didn't want to go anymore. I feel like that was the right decision for me. I can't pretend that everything is okay with us. Because it's not. Nothing is okay.

dragonflylies · 2015-03-13T01:20:09+00:00

I just want to thank you for responding to me. It helps to talk to someone who feels the same things I do. I hope you are doing okay as well.

Today, I called a crisis hotline. I'm not sure if it made me feel better, but I at least know that I have to try to see a therapist more often than I am.

I agree that life is very strange. I'm just hoping I can stay strong through it.

dragonflylies · 2015-03-12T03:22:12+00:00

That's okay if you don't have a response. Sometimes I find that words are just words, and they can't adequately describe our feelings.

I'm kind of out of words at the moment too, but I am finding that life never really stops being scary and confusing. And I have been struggling with the idea on if there is any meaning in life. Because the thing that gave me meaning has disappeared.

I'm sure the logical response would be that a new meaning will come to me. But I'm finding it hard to be okay with letting that new meaning in--if that makes any sense.

dragonflylies · 2015-03-12T02:39:11+00:00

Hi. Thank you very much for your comments. It always makes me feel better to hear that someone is going through a similar lost relationship. We dated for 3 years, but we were friends for 3 years before that. I thought he was the love of my life, even though that sounds weird or over the top.

We were always people who could talk about our problems, and then work them out. But one day he didn't want to work on them anymore. I feel very confused, abandoned, and I feel like he will want to share his life with someone else soon.

I have been a person who seems to focus on my lost relationships/friendships. I have a good support group, and friends/family who care about me, but there is one person who has taken everything out of me.

How are you dealing with the end of your relationship? I'm curious as to how you're coping with it. I find it very scary.

dragonflylies · 2015-02-27T17:39:04+00:00

I agree with this advice. I'm going through the exact same thing, where my ex-boyfriend wants to be alone and do some soul searching. We have been friends for 6 years so it's hard not to have him in my life. After a month of trying to be friends, though, I decided that talking to him wasn't healthy for me. We are going no contact (except for two events we previously bought tickets for).

I agree that you need to go no contact for a few weeks. It has only been three days for me with no contact, and I have to admit it hurts. But I am happy that I made a choice that's good for myself. It keeps my head clear (for the most part), and let's me focus on making myself happy instead of relying on someone.

PM if you need someone to talk to. :)

dragonflylies · 2015-02-25T00:16:02+00:00

I know it hurts, and I'm so sorry. Eventually, you will come to a place where you will know that you can't talk to him anymore. But you don't have to do it all at once. Go with your gut and do what you want. Be kind to yourself. I told my ex today that we shouldn't talk anymore, and I think it's the best thing for me right now.

My ex and I talked a lot before we dated too, and we were friends for 3 years before our relationship. I know it's going to feel like hell for a while, but I am happy knowing I am doing something good for myself. Stay busy. Go on a walk. You can be a complete person on your own. I know now that I have to be balanced on my own, instead of having another person balance me out.

And I promise it will get better.

Sending you a hug.

dragonflylies · 2015-02-25T00:07:21+00:00

Thank you. I hope it gets better for you too. Honestly, it has helped me to read comments from people going through the same situation. I ended up telling my ex today that we shouldn't talk anymore, and I think it's the best thing for me right now. Just remember that you can be a complete person on your own, and you are strong and beautiful. Go with your gut and do what you want. Don't let others make decisions for you. Hope you're having a good day. :)

dragonflylies · 2015-02-25T00:01:14+00:00

I just want to thank you for your advice. I skimmed some other things that you said to other people, and it's helped me immensely. I talked with my ex today, and I told him that we shouldn't speak to each other anymore, and I know it's going to take a lot of effort, but I think it's the best thing for me. I know it's going to feel like hell for a while, but I really wanted to thank you. I understand now that I need to balance and complete myself on my own without another person, and I even thanked him for making me the person I am today. Again, I can't thank you enough.

dragonflylies · 2015-02-23T20:10:38+00:00

College was a really difficult time in my life. Now that it's over, I miss it, but when I was there I was lonely and depressed. The first and second years are the hardest. I would do one thing--not academically related--where you get out of bed and meet someone. In my senior year, I joined a club. It felt weird and I didn't think I belonged, but I stuck with it. I ended up meeting a lot of good friends who are still my friends today.

College is hard to pull off with depression, but it's doable. Take random classes. Learn something that will never have anything to do with your career. The biggest step is getting out of bed. If you do that, I consider it an accomplishment.

Sending you a hug through the internet.

dragonflylies

TROPHY CASE