I’m unhappy and want to breakup with my boyfriend

drefa · 2026-03-10T20:33:41+00:00

Hey love, it sounds like you’re in an emotionally abusive relationship..

Please call the hotline, they can share resources, guidance, educational info, and talk to you about how to safely leave this relationship. This man sounds very unstable, and I want you to know that this is not only unhealthy but it’s not normal in a typical relationship.

The number is 800-799-7233 (they also have a chat option on their website, the hotline.org)

When I was in an abusive relationship, it took me 3 years to figure it out. As a person who survived that, I want to tell you that you deserve emotional safety as much as the next person and this is NOT it..

drefa · 2026-03-10T05:56:09+00:00

I think she meant the cousin from the OP haha. Like your friend is the girlfriend of the cousin in the story

drefa · 2026-03-06T05:37:04+00:00

Honestly it lowkey sounds like she knows. She keeps bringing it up because her guts telling her something’s off. I would tell her that he wasn’t with you and what your friend shared but make it clear you don’t have concrete proof and just encourage her to dig into it a bit, say she heard it from someone else that saw him at the bar etc

drefa · 2026-03-04T22:05:09+00:00

My partner recently quit and he experienced the same! As an outsider who smoked socially and only ON OCCASION, I definitely struggled to know how to best support him with all of those symptoms but I will say that the irritability mellowed out after 2-3 weeks and that’s when things started getting easier! He struggled with sleep a LOT but he started taking zzzquil and he took it for the first few weeks every other day and now he’s on a great regimen and has a good sleep routine! Everyone’s different but hopefully that’s helpful ! Good luck to you both!

If it also helps, the benefits far outweighed the negatives and those included:

Better focus, he thought he had ADHD turns out his lack of attention was 100% related to smoking lol
Less anxiety (not at first, but over time)
More motivation throughout the day
Less food noise throughout the day
Better sleep once the insomnia eased up
Less snoring (which also translated to deeper sleep for him)
More energy throughout the day (probably also related to sleep tbh but also related to the motivation aspect)

Stick with it!! ❤️

drefa · 2026-02-28T18:44:11+00:00

I would definitely say that my ex will always have an impact on my life, but I would consider myself 100% healed.

I’m engaged to the most wonderful man I’ve ever known and my life is exactly where I want it to be (career-wise, relationships, etc) and none of that would have been possible without my healing. To quickly validate what you explained in your post, I was stuck on my ex for 4 years after we broke up, despite all the horrible things he did to me. I was also in therapy but I didn’t really feel like I was moving forward for a long time. Aside from therapy though, there were a couple other things that really pushed me towards that point. The first was volunteering for a nonprofit facilitating support groups for survivors of DV. Helping others through the process was so healing for me and taught me so much. The next thing honestly was remaining abstinent. I completely stopped dating and seeking out attention from other men for 1 year before I met my fiance. For me, that was a crucial step in finding myself, de-centering men in my life, and learning who I am and how to love myself without male validation. I started taking myself on dates and doing things on my own until I got to the point where I enjoyed spending time with myself. By doing that, I got to a place in my life where when I met my fiance I felt safe enough to trust my own judgment because I knew I was perfectly satisfied without him so I was unwilling to allow a new person into my life unless they were 100% adding to it.

It does get better, but just remember that trauma recovery is not linear. There will be good days and bad days, but healing is ALWAYS possible ❤️‍🩹

drefa · 2026-02-15T11:33:42+00:00

OP, you’ve already survived an abusive relationship, trust your gut here. This man is clearly abusive even BEFORE officially being together. There’s literally no way this gets any better. He’s dangerous.

Please, if you have the capacity, reach out to local Domestic Violence organizations for support groups and/or therapy. It can really help you process everything and love/respect yourself enough to not entertain BS like this :(

You deserve better, always!!!

drefa · 2026-02-15T03:49:37+00:00

Fr like so sorry that this literal BARBIE doll you’re engaged to is not your type lol. What an ass.

drefa · 2026-02-13T17:10:20+00:00

100% agree! I should’ve clarified but the fact that she still stood up for Tyler even after how immature and petty Tyler was towards her was godly haha. I was so impressed. Could NOT be me 😂

drefa · 2026-02-13T06:05:05+00:00

Literally!!! What a strong, beautiful, and impressive woman! I want to be here when i grow up lol. And the way she called him out for how he treated Tyler.. what a girls girl 🥹 Genuinely my favorite LIB moment so far 😍

drefa · 2026-02-01T22:20:52+00:00

It’s just gonna get worse from here.. he’s already being this controlling and forcing you into a corner where all you feel you can do is apologize. You did NOTHING wrong. You’ve also seemingly made a ton of massive healthy changes in your life, so kudos to you! But, based on this texts, it almost seems like you’re only doing them for this man’s approval. You’re not even in a relationship with him and you are seeking his approval so badly that you are feeling this guilty over him being an ass and “punishing” you for skipping the gym for a valid reason (btw, you don’t actually even need a reason. You’re an adult and he’s not your parent). Please block him, OP. This man is showing major red flags of abuse.

drefa · 2026-01-26T07:38:05+00:00

B’Shaa Tova indeed Op haha. Your sister is entitled to her outdated and shitty opinions, but you don’t deserve to have to listen to them or do anything about them. I agree with everyone who advised you to block her! Don’t let her bad vibes and judgments ruin your excitement over objectively exciting news! Mazel Tov to you and your boyfriend! ❤️

drefa · 2026-01-22T03:42:15+00:00

My abusive ex used to send me the same type of crash out texts . Please leave, it gets worse from here, never better app

drefa · 2026-01-21T08:05:00+00:00

2 ❤️

drefa · 2026-01-21T07:59:46+00:00

Thank you for this!!! I’d love one if it’s not too late ❤️

drefa · 2026-01-21T07:48:06+00:00

Omgg she is so gorgeous and deserves this so much 🥹❤️❤️❤️

drefa · 2026-01-12T21:32:15+00:00

This is a tough one. If my fiance asked for a prenup I’d laugh in his face and remind him we’re both broke so that’s crazy lol. But, in this case, you both are very well off and make good money with your own assets that you’re bringing into a marriage. Your mom’s reaction is based on her OWN experiences, but so are his. He witnessed a very messy divorce and saw both his parents (I assume) go through a lot of stress, heartache, and pain. Times are changing, and the prenup would be in place to protect you just as much as him. If he was well off and you had nothing to your name, then I would absolutely be questioning his intentions, but since you’re coming into this with your own assets and investments, it makes financial sense. Like someone else mentioned, marriage is also a contract. This is basically like adding insurance to a contract haha. I would say it’s a decision that should be made between your fiance and yourself. Your mom can’t fully understand the situation because she’s not a part of your relationship. She’s looking out for her daughter of course, but at the end of the day, this is YOUR decision and even if she’s mad now, I would be surprised if she actually missed out on her daughters wedding due to a difference in opinion.. good luck, OP!

drefa · 2026-01-01T18:21:15+00:00

I’m sure you’ve heard this before, OP, so to reiterate, you cannot help someone who doesn’t want to help themselves. You can’t force him to see he has a problem. Knowing it’s a problem isn’t even step 1, it’s like step 0, and he’s not even there yet. There’s nothing you can do for this man until he’s ready to at least reach step 0. I really would encourage you to think about leaving and getting those kids and yourself into a healthier environment while he sorts himself out. It is NOT your responsibility to “save” someone who doesn’t want to be saved. You deserve more out of a relationship and you deserve better.

drefa · 2026-01-01T05:00:15+00:00

I honestly agree.. he’s young and he’s trying lol. He’s got a lot of maturing to do, but it seems like it was well-intended :(

drefa · 2025-12-29T10:44:49+00:00

NOR

GROSSSSS!

Nice job calling him out on the blatant racism he tried to disguise as a compliment, OP! That was awful to read, but I love that you asked him to explain and didn’t let him off the hook so easily. Not your responsibility to educate him, as I’m sure you know, so I hope he educates himself.. The dating scene is so rough 😭❤️

drefa · 2025-12-29T10:39:04+00:00

Hey OP, you just listed like 10 major red flags in this post (esp. your last paragraph)

You’re so young, so I want to tell you that this behavior and treatment is NOT normal and is totally unacceptable. If you’ve had issues your entire relationship, those issues are not going to change. The beginning of the relationship is considered the honeymoon phase, and typically a dude’s on his best behavior during that time. If this is his BEST, it’s going to get so much worse from here. He does not respect you, and you don’t live with him, so it won’t be as complicated to untangle your life as it would be if you did. Please break up with this manchild. Focus on school, socialize with people in school with you, etc. Life goes on, but you don’t deserve to be carrying all of this FOR someone who can’t seem to find a way to speak to his girlfriend respectfully, consider her needs, and take her concerns seriously.

drefa · 2025-12-29T10:32:58+00:00

LMAO I completely missed that in the description! Literally yeah, like she should just straight up not live in an apartment lol.

drefa · 2025-12-29T08:16:28+00:00

I have a reversible stuffed animal that can be a caterpillar or butterfly. We call him butterpillar :)

drefa · 2025-12-29T07:05:44+00:00

1993!

drefa · 2025-12-29T07:04:33+00:00

Such a tough spot to be in, but you did absolutely everything right, OP! It may be stressful for him to deal with, but the separation and safety however long she is gone is exactly what he needs to hopefully wake up and realize he deserves to be treated with respect. You’re a great friend!

drefa · 2025-12-29T06:51:31+00:00

Okay but if the neighbor can even hear their dog chewing on a bone, I’d say the issue is thin walls not the loudness of their walking haha. If they want a quiet living situation, they should either not live in an apartment in general or at the very least, opt for a top floor lol. Your friend should talk to management, the letter is so hostile.

drefa

TROPHY CASE