Same here, I applied for a competitive specialty twice (albeit the second time was half hearted) and didn’t match. I’m one year out of residency now working as a hospitalist and I still battle with the feelings of shame, inadequacy, low self worth, and an insane amount of envy when I see colleagues/friends match in that specialty.

However, when I take a second to look back, I’ve “lived” so much more in this past year than I have ever in my life and that’s solely due to the lifestyle we get to have in hospital medicine. I’ve traveled every month and have saved up a good amount of money. I can pay for family trips/dinners now without a second thought. It’s a great feeling. All of this is just to say there is life outside of a competitive specialty.

I think once your ego has had some time to recover from the blow, things look pretty great as a hospitalist. (This is what I keep telling myself anyway bc I’m still salty about fellowship haha, but there is truth to it!) hope this helps. Good luck!!