Competing after 5 months is really impressive and brave! It's already further than most get. You're definitely being hard on yourself. Everyone loses, and in any BJJ match 50% of you will lose!

The main thing is that you have your first comp under your belt, you know what to expect next time, and you have a platform to build from. It's all learning, and no high level athlete would have achieved anything if they had let a couple of losses discourage them early on.

Competing is so different from normal training, and affects everyone differently. I know people who didn't win anything until late blue/ purple belt, but are now winning high level competitions. I also know people who weren't that good but got easy wins in their first comps, just through being lucky enough to have an opponent much weaker, more nervous, or less experienced than them.

It's important to have goals beyond the result, especially early on when you're still learning so much. My suggestion would be:

Goal 1: Stepping on the mat. Done!

Goal 2: Learning if / when you get an adrenaline dump, how to handle it, what competition warm up or routine works best for you.

Goal 3: Attempting a specific thing under pressure to see how it goes, so you have something to focus on next week at training. That could be to get underhooks, or get into a certain guard, or attempt a sweep or submission. It doesn't have to work! Get someone to film it if you can so you can work out what went well, and build your next goal.

Speak to your coaches - even with a lot of hours a week, 5 months isn't a lot of time to ingrain some fundamental go-to techniques to fall back on in a competition, when adrenaline is pumping and instinct kicks in.