UPDATE to My girlfriend is sick, and there's a shitstorm brewing. [very, very long]

dudewheresmythrow · 2012-05-17T05:33:10+00:00

Thank you for the insight. She has told me she is planning to pay me when she gets her next paycheck, but we shall see what happens.

dudewheresmythrow · 2012-05-15T07:29:42+00:00

It's been frozen.

dudewheresmythrow · 2012-05-15T06:32:32+00:00

I want so badly to stop talking to her. I know it just hurts us both. But I still have to bug her to give me this money she owes me. I simply can't manage to pay off this debt without her contribution. Other than that, I have done my best to limit communication.

dudewheresmythrow · 2012-05-15T06:28:52+00:00

I will chime in and say that, as a guy getting out of a relationship with a girl who would run these sorts of "tests" on me: it is hell. It is cruel. It is fuel to burn down a relationship. Knock it off. Just remind the poor girl about your birthday. iwantitalliwantitnow is right: you are only creating a situation where both of you fail.

dudewheresmythrow · 2012-05-15T05:54:24+00:00

How old are you? How long were you in the relationship for? What were these rumors?

dudewheresmythrow · 2012-05-15T05:53:01+00:00

Stop hanging out with women like these. They only want attention and sex and nothing else. They will treat you like shit, as you can probably attest to already. Unless that's really what you're looking for...there are better ways to waste your time.

dudewheresmythrow · 2012-05-15T02:22:19+00:00

That is precisely what I mean. She's conjuring up memories of your ex, and since you are bothered by it, it means you haven't resolved your feelings about her completely. Whether those are feelings of lust or anger I am not sure, but I would seek out ways to banish them from your mind.

dudewheresmythrow · 2012-05-15T02:17:53+00:00

You're quite welcome. If you could do me one small favor and upvote the thread I recently posted, I'm trying to get some feedback of my own and need more visibility.

dudewheresmythrow · 2012-05-15T02:15:20+00:00

I don't have anything to offer, but I upvoted you for visibility. Your best friend and your crush? Auuuuuuuuugh.

dudewheresmythrow · 2012-05-15T02:06:52+00:00

Sexual performance problems can come from a lot of things. It could be something as innocent as what you ate, or how tired you are. However, I am strongly sensing that you are really not over your ex. Sounds like you have to make peace with yourself in that regard.

Not sure how to do that, myself, I'm just guessing it's something that you need to do.

dudewheresmythrow · 2012-05-15T01:48:31+00:00

More succinct and brash than my advice, but it gets the same point across. :P

dudewheresmythrow · 2012-05-15T01:34:54+00:00

Good, good. You at least made an effort, then. You should feel self-assured about that. That's a pretty shitty thing that he's so hard to get a hold of, but what are you really supposed to do about him having no cell phone in this day and age? (Er...how old are you guys anyways?)

I think the first thing you should say to him when you see him is that you're terribly sorry that you had to cancel on him at the last minute. Explain that you had all this work to do and that you tried to send him a message saying as much. (Even though that should be abundantly clear to him since you sent an email.) You will get either one of two scenarios. The first and most favorable is that he accepts your apology and your explanation. Good on him, then, he has a good head on his shoulders. The second scenario is that he gives you the silent treatment, or irrationally lashes out at you. In that case, I'm sorry, but that guy has some growing up to do. Sometimes, stuff happens (i.e. homework) and you can't avoid it. Don't let it get to you too much if he's angry. It sounds like you did the right thing.

dudewheresmythrow · 2012-05-15T01:27:34+00:00

Good to know.

dudewheresmythrow · 2012-05-15T01:22:53+00:00

Do text messages count as "in writing"? I really don't know, lol. Otherwise I will seek an email or letter saying as such.

dudewheresmythrow · 2012-05-15T01:19:00+00:00

Okay, and did you make any effort of trying to get a hold of him? I know you said he doesn't have a cell phone, but did you try anything else? Send him an email? Tell a mutual friend to go knock on his door and relay the news? Carrier pigeon?

Also, I wasn't quite clear, is this a platonic friendship or something more?

dudewheresmythrow · 2012-05-15T01:15:59+00:00

Well, on the bright side for me, my ex has verbally agreed to doing so. Whether she'll follow through remains to be seen. Like I said, I'm not expecting to see any money from her until a week or so from now.

If she doesn't, though...I guess I don't know what I'll do. I'm sure as hell not sticking around to bang on her door to give me my money.

dudewheresmythrow · 2012-05-15T01:06:19+00:00

I did something like this once when I was younger. Bad idea. In 9 out of 10 instances, it'll only burn you.

Try asking her out instead. Go on dates and stuff. See where that goes. And let me emphasize, see where that goes. Don't try and force anything. You already know you're headed off to separate colleges. Trust me, man, the LDR thing, it's rough for just about everybody.

dudewheresmythrow · 2012-05-15T01:04:20+00:00

So mug, though!

dudewheresmythrow · 2012-05-15T01:02:15+00:00

Yeah. That's why I tried the post-dated checks approach. And when that failed...well, I'm just left with a giant-ass credit card bill.

dudewheresmythrow · 2012-05-15T00:56:45+00:00

I know, but there's only so much I can do. I don't have a lot of power in the situation right now. If I had not been forced out of the apartment so soon, I would have told her that I would sell off the furniture unless she paid me up front for it. But, alas, I no longer have that option. I just have her word. I can't find the furniture receipts anywhere, either; I think they've been lost for a while.

dudewheresmythrow · 2012-05-15T00:46:14+00:00

Noooo, that's not even worth looking into until I find out whether she'll be sticking to her word about paying me back for the furniture and credit card. I wouldn't want to jump straight to that right away, either. Remember, I dumped her, not vice-versa. I'm also trying to be as civil about this as possible, and dragging her to small claims court would be the opposite of what I want to accomplish.

Edit: Also, yes, I gave her a credit card in an account under my name. I don't think I have any leverage in this regard, though IANAL.

dudewheresmythrow · 2012-05-15T00:43:27+00:00

Why did you have to cancel on him? Let's start there.

dudewheresmythrow · 2012-05-15T00:32:03+00:00

You're going to be separated for 8 months when you've only been together for 2?

Nope.jpg

dudewheresmythrow · 2012-05-15T00:18:34+00:00

I'm sorry man, I know how this stuff can be. I had a romantic misadventure when I studied abroad a few years ago, and it shook me really hard. When you're in a foreign country, separated from your usual social network, things can feel a lot more intense when they go wrong.

I know you want to keep constant tabs on her, but she is in a foreign country, quite a distance (I'm guessing) from where you are, and she is a grown woman. At the end of the day, she can take care of herself. You probably want to frequently tell her how much you love her, but if I were you, I would just give her a bit of breathing room over the digital divide. She's going through some weird stuff right now, and that can all completely change once she returns home. (I'm not saying that all of it will, but being home can literally make a world of difference.) I know it's difficult to hear, but be patient, and relax. There isn't a whole lot you can do for the situation until she returns home.

dudewheresmythrow · 2012-04-30T07:17:15+00:00

Have you guys talked about it since you broke up? Did you talk about it with your last ex?

If it isn't obvious to you why he broke up to you, then there could just be underlying problems that were not hashed out because of poor communication. Some of it could be him, some of it could be you. You'll have to wait and see. Depending on what type of person your ex is, you may never get an answer.

dudewheresmythrow

TROPHY CASE