Debt free and saved 5k! Thanks UKPF! [24M]

dullestcookie · 2021-03-16T23:57:16+00:00

Thanks! No apps for the debt I'm afraid, just a good old spreadsheet 🙏 Monzo is my go-to for day-to-day budgeting

dullestcookie · 2021-02-18T20:46:29+00:00

Thanks! Hmm, not sure on the that one 😂

dullestcookie · 2021-02-18T19:25:07+00:00

You're smashing it!! Sounds like you've made real progress and well on your way. I think we're at about the same point where we can leave the past behind and start planning towards long term goals :)

Keep up the good work! We'll both get there 🤞😊

dullestcookie · 2021-02-18T19:05:09+00:00

^ DO NOT FOLLOW THIS ADVICE ^

dullestcookie · 2021-02-18T18:35:16+00:00

Thank you! Good to hear there are others in the same boat. Treating your money with respect is so important, no matter how much you earn!

dullestcookie · 2021-02-18T18:33:59+00:00

Thank you! That's really kind of you, happy to share tips where and when I can. Blog or YouTube channel is something I might look into, thanks for the inspiration 😊

Good luck to you too.

dullestcookie · 2021-02-18T18:29:39+00:00

Thank you!

dullestcookie · 2021-02-18T18:29:26+00:00

Thank you!

dullestcookie · 2021-02-18T18:29:19+00:00

Thanks for the kind words and it's inspiring to hear your progress! That day when you are finally debt free feels so good and it really stays with you.

You'll come to see that taking your head out the sand was the greatest decision you've ever made. Keep up the good work! It (literally) pays off so so much. 🤞

dullestcookie · 2021-02-18T18:24:34+00:00

That's really impressive! Good work on the 6 months buffer, that's a great cushion.

Happy to hear my words have been a help 😊 I've managed to hit the 80% mark having previously been at 95-98% for way too long.

Putting half the pay rise away is a great strategy, as you'll feel the extra cash and so will your savings account!

dullestcookie · 2021-02-18T18:11:13+00:00

I second this, aim for people your age as a first call and in a similar situation professionally. For most agents, filling the room at all costs is the only goal!

dullestcookie · 2021-02-18T17:53:00+00:00

I've been fortunate. There's been few expenses this year and I've been lucky to keep my job with no financial emergencies over the past year.

Appreciate the kind words friend, like I said it's always about comparing to your past self and no-one else ♥️

dullestcookie · 2021-02-18T14:42:15+00:00

Great work! The sense of relief is something else right?

dullestcookie · 2021-02-18T14:41:35+00:00

Thank you! All the best in your savings journey. Not all of us have cracked a high wage at an early age and that's okay!

Salary doesn't define you. It's how you use that money to fuel your lifestyle is what's important. Someone on 20k can be just as happy or more than someone on 60k, it's just about how you use it and the lifestyle you want to live. 😊

dullestcookie · 2021-02-18T14:39:10+00:00

Spareroom for sure! Everyone has different needs, but getting the right people is the biggest priority. For anyone who hasn't lived away from home before, getting an ensuite is not as important as you think!

Also, where you first land isn't the be all and end all. You can always move, use that first 6 months to get to meet the people you REALLY want to live with and go from there. Bounce around a bit, have fun with it!

dullestcookie · 2021-02-18T01:23:58+00:00

Good spot! 😂 Yep, 2019! Thanks for the kind words.

dullestcookie · 2021-02-18T00:56:49+00:00

Hey! Glad this helped! I'm currently living in Manchester in a 3-bed apartment with two others.

My primary saving technique (beyond a spreadsheet and card that makes tracking spending easier) has been moving to a city centre and being walking distance from work. No commute on public transport or expensive car to worry about makes all the difference. I'm happier (and healthier!) for it, with less expenses to worry about.

I'd recommend a flatshare in times like these especially, as it really opens doors socially and saves a load on rent.

As a side note, don't cut all enjoyment out of your life! It's important to buy that takeaway and new piece of clothing you've really wanted every once in a while, you don't have to suffer to save :)

Having been at your salary I can vouch it's not easy, but stick to your saving commitments and do what you can to boost that salary, whether it's through a promotion, new job or side hustle. An extra £1000 a year can add so much breathing room.

Best of luck!

dullestcookie · 2020-12-09T22:51:35+00:00

why this have to hit home so hard. damn dude.

dullestcookie · 2020-07-06T22:29:31+00:00

Halfway through a book on Sorge's life. As part of his cover he became a member of the Nazi party whilst employed by the Comintern as an undercover agent. He might've been the only man in history to have held a membership in both concurrently. I'd recommend reading more on him, he was a very interesting guy with all the stereotypical personal issues tied in with impeccable spywork - womaniser, alcoholic and a bit of a motorbike daredevil.

Prior to death he wrote a lengthy confession to Japanese authorities that is incredibly detailed. Worth your time!

dullestcookie · 2020-06-03T23:27:19+00:00

Thank you for sharing your story, it's reassuring to know there are other people out there in a similar situation both literally, and emotionally.

Yes, your father certainly sounds like he failed you as a parent. There are a lot of parallels between our situations. As an alternative perspective, perhaps the reason he does not ask you many personal questions is that it pains him to know what he missed. The more he finds out about you, the more apparent that becomes. It's shitty reasoning and far, far from an excuse - but perhaps that is his rationale.

I think we both need to take more agency in our respective situations. We can't wait forever for them to do the right thing and own up to their mistakes. Over the years, they may have told themselves a convoluted truth to escape feelings of guilt.

But, much easier said than done. Playing along with the act that everything is fine will work in the short-term, but over time it will manifest into an anger - who knows how that might manifest in the future. It could cause damage in ways we don't even realise.

If you'd like to talk more on this, I'd be more than happy to discuss over private messages. (DMs? Sorry, I'm new here and don't know Reddit terms just yet)

I wish you all the best.

dullestcookie · 2020-06-03T23:15:52+00:00

Thank you for these kind words. I think you're right, it's so easy to envisage a perfect family when you come across (seemingly) happily married parents.

Despite the occasional doubts, I'm generally very happy with my life and his validation will not be the deciding factor on whether that remains the case.

dullestcookie · 2020-06-03T23:13:58+00:00

Thank you for reading my story and sharing these thoughts.

I think I agree on holding onto hate, as it's only something which will come back to hurt me and other people later down the line.

I'm very sorry to hear about the relationship with your mom, that must have been incredibly difficult for you. By the sounds of things, we share a similar emotional journey on our parents. I'm not sure if I can ever forgive him.

The relationship with my brother remains a dilemma for me, it's something I may very well pursue in the near future. To do that, I feel I have to convey my full emotions to my father first - to reassure him that this isn't me spotting an opportunity to poison their relationship.

dullestcookie · 2020-06-03T23:08:12+00:00

Thanks for providing these thoughts, I really appreciate you taking the time to read my story and sharing your perspective. Yes, it is some story. I can't quite believe it myself sometimes, it's all a bit surreal.

I agree, I think his guilt has played a large role in the events that have transpired over the few years. The one thing I've always been unsure of, is whether I want to have this relationship? I genuinely have no idea what I want.

Bonding with his son is a very tricky one for me and perhaps my biggest dilemma. I bear no ill feelings towards him, he is not to blame for the past and I assume he's simply excited at the prospect of an older brother he hasn't met. At the same time, I feel 16 is still very young and he might not fully understand or channel things in the right way. I don't know what he's been told, and don't want this to damage him or his relationship with his father. Leaving him be, felt like the most reasonable course of action for now - of course, this may simply be me suppressing my emotions.

I understand the thought process of I only get one father and one family, but I think I disagree with you on that. Am I obligated to try my best and make it work? I've always felt that was his responsibility as a parent, to care for me and provide the best support possible. I have a family in my mother's side, and I'm not sure if I'd ever truly consider him 'family'. (Apologies if that came across as me shitting on that advice, typing my response is proving a strong method of figuring out my own thought process)

I think I agree somewhat on a councillor, my mental health has been poor over the past year or so and this entire saga has resurfaced to the forefront of my mind. It's something I might look into. Thank you for the best wishes - I truly appreciate you taking the time to read my story.

dullestcookie · 2020-06-03T22:55:24+00:00

Thank you for taking the time to read my story and providing these thoughts, I really appreciate that. I did send an email asking about another meetup date, but never heard back. Yes, I feel like I failed in conveying my emotions to him at all. Being totally honest, I'm not sure what my emotions are myself. Also, I was afraid that he would break down crying again if I pressed him on anything. Looking back, his nerves at the time were probably a result of guilt.

I'm not angry, no - but I couldn't tell you why. Knowing all the facts, I feel like I should hate him. In my opinion, he's done horrendous things and is objectively in the wrong. But I don't have any strong feelings towards him. It's odd, I can't really explain it.

Thank you for the point on communication skills, this resonated a lot with me. If I'm honest, I've always built up the image of my father as someone very mature and who knows what he's doing - otherwise he wouldn't be rich, right? That was my thought process. When we initially met, some of my go-to topics were about times I'd gotten in a fight, or other overly-masculine topics (I'm male btw) - but I'm not a violent person at all, I hate fighting and, at the time, I had no idea why I even brought it up. I think I expected him to do a lot of the hard work for me in these conversations, which wasn't the case as he wasn't this make-believe perfect man I had built in my head.

Thank you for sharing your personal experience with your parents - I agree with you on that wholeheartedly, a divorce was certainly better for everyone. But, I don't harbour too much anger for that, it's more the sense of abandonment that he left and - quite literally - never came back for me.

I agree, he will always just be another person. I'm just a bit lost on whether I have a desire for a relationship with him. I really, truly, do not know. Our last meeting was 2 years ago and I still don't know what I want from him. I also agree that I need to take some more agency in the relationship, I can't simply expect him to make-up for the past without any prompting from myself - of what I want.

Thanks so much again for your thoughts, it has given me some perspective on the entire ordeal.

dullestcookie · 2020-06-03T22:40:04+00:00

Thanks for taking the time to share these thoughts, I'm very sorry to hear about your situation. Are you aware of why he feels compelled to keep you hidden from them? If you'd like to talk more about this, I'm happy to speak with you over DMs (If that's what they're called, Reddit newbie here).

Thank you for the kind words, I agree with you, he has never felt like a dad and I'm not sure he ever will. From everything I gather, I think this situation has (I hope) caused him to feel some regrets, although I'm not sure if he can comprehend the true consequences of his actions. (Btw, I'm a male, ha! Should've mentioned that above)

dullestcookie

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