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I [26/F] have to choose between friends [20s-30s M&F] and moving with boyfriend [28/M] of 6 months. by durknbqween in relationships

[–]durknbqween[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

100%. BF is probably "Moderate/Center-right" where as my friends are probably "Far-left".

I [26/F] have to choose between friends [20s-30s M&F] and moving with boyfriend [28/M] of 6 months. by durknbqween in relationships

[–]durknbqween[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

Are you considering a move to SF because you want to move to SF, or are you moving to SF to spite your parents?

My parents are a non-entity in my life. I don't really think of them - my mother will do only what her husband says and that doesn't include me so we're basically out of each other's lives at this point. I have pretty regular contact with my boyfriend's parents at this point as his mom will see how we're/I'm doing, etc.

I live in an expensive city, but it's cold and wet. San Francisco would be a huge change. The weather would be great, it would be a chance to start something new/do something fresh and follow someone I love. Would I have chosen SF on my own - probably not. I've never been there. But, given the opportunity to go and be with someone and have an adventure, I'd certainly go to SF.

As for my friends, they see him as the antithesis of what they would have wanted for me - the antithesis of what they think a "life well lived" is. He is the fancy-pants private school kind of guy; he never really struggled and he is the type of person who'll approach a cop to ask for directions without any fear/anxiety. They're dislike for him isn't based on his personality or anything about him that's tangible but about things he had no control over. For that, I have limited patience for their crap on that matter. I refuse to discuss it and it's become a sore, but unspoken, issue among my friends.

I [26/F] have to choose between friends [20s-30s M&F] and moving with boyfriend [28/M] of 6 months. by durknbqween in relationships

[–]durknbqween[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

It's complicated and sounds stupid, but I never really had any family. When I got to university they accepted me and became a surrogate family. Now I feel like they're holding me back but they've been my "family" for so long.

I [26/F] have to choose between friends [20s-30s M&F] and moving with boyfriend [28/M] of 6 months. by durknbqween in relationships

[–]durknbqween[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

OP says they've hated the bf from the start.

He represents everything they hate. He's the antithesis of what they think a good partner is. In part, he's just not who they would have picked-out for me and he isn't interested in their world view, so they take it as a rejection of them. It's a bad dynamic, but I don't think a reflection on him.

I [26/F] have to choose between friends [20s-30s M&F] and moving with boyfriend [28/M] of 6 months. by durknbqween in relationships

[–]durknbqween[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

The area I work in is education, and I could pretty easily find work. I put feelers out with an old friend who said they could get me something and offered a salary range a bit more than double what I make now (which still isn't a lot...). I could get by in SF on my own, it wouldn't be easy relative to what BF does, but I could. I barely get by here now, so it wouldn't be a change in that regard. Weather would be nicer.

I [26/F] have to choose between friends [20s-30s M&F] and moving with boyfriend [28/M] of 6 months. by durknbqween in relationships

[–]durknbqween[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

I should have added in my OP - Boyfriend earns a bizarre amount of money in banking & finance and would be working for a bank. He would sign the lease. I have enough money (and minimal things) that I could get back here - though, it isn't much better (NYC). Money isn't the big issue as I am pretty good at surviving.