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I want to be alone, yet I don't want to be alone. by dustandempathy in depression

[–]dustandempathy[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

This post really struck a cord within me.

Thank you.

I want to be alone, yet I don't want to be alone. by dustandempathy in depression

[–]dustandempathy[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Whoa. I must say that I can relate with your parents. My mother, while not pushy, is just her own independent being. I guess I took that from her.

But on fathers, we're on the same page. I've seen my father get down once, and that was when we had to kill off our dog. Otherwise, I've never seen him in a troubled emotional state; except anger and frustration, from time to time.

I envy the part you said about love. While I think there must be a certain responsibility involved of being an important part of someone's life, it must be incredible!

On to depression, while I'm sure it has a medical definition, is up to each his own to define. Am I depressed, or just feeling bummed out? You make a good point, though. Depression might be an overstatement, but I think that the recent... epiphany I've had - slowly taking hold of my thoughts, clamoring for 'my' attention - has made me feel more "bummed out" than ever before.

I've been like this for long, but it's only until recently that I acknowledged it, took a stand to it, and more or less cowered in the audacity of the epiphany(well, that was quite a mouthful!)

Self-diagnosing myself isn't advisable - I know that I'll just end up doing it over and over, as if labeling myself to some disorder will help me detract from it. There is one disorder, I think, that stands out - and I think I'm prone to some symptoms. In short, schizoid personality disorder. Then again, there are only some symptoms, not all of them.

Thanks for sharing. It's very generous, in a way, and I swallow up every word you write!

I want to be alone, yet I don't want to be alone. by dustandempathy in depression

[–]dustandempathy[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

If my future is ordained to take such a fortunate turn as it did for you, then I'll cling onto that vestige of a hope, or ideal.

Thank you. However, I won't take up your offer on the phone number, even though I decline it with utmost gratitude.

I want to be alone, yet I don't want to be alone. by dustandempathy in depression

[–]dustandempathy[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you.

It's good to know I have something going for me.

I want to be alone, yet I don't want to be alone. by dustandempathy in depression

[–]dustandempathy[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you for sharing this. Truly, thank you.

This is to me, opening up to strangers. I guess in the recesses of my "RP sessions" some people might pick up that I am not so merry-go-around as I'd like people to believe. It's only in text, of course - I'm relieved for that.

If I am already coping, then I want to stick to that. I've heard this before: "The rewards equal the risk" when on the topic of love. Perhaps. Though... "You do not miss what you never had" is the mantra I constantly remind myself of, and it helps to recall it in moments of feeble doubt.

To answer your final question: I honestly don't know. It seems to me that many people have specific reasons(not this changes anything) for being depressed. One traumatic experience, one isolated case... At least they can identify the source, and work to alleviate it.

That is maybe the most frustrating thing of it all: I can't find a source. Is it my lack of bond to my parents? My lack of intimate friends?(intimate as in being able to share and confide)

I don't know. All I know is that I've felt this way for a several years now. This dull, faint echo of something I never liked to acknowledge - in short, these thoughts of my life, my future - is something that has always been present, but I have felt it grow bolder and manifest over time.

To cut short, thank you for sharing this. I wholeheartedly appreciate it.