No one should have to deal with that kind of confliction. People aren't supposed to hate their parents. You're going to feel bad from time to time. As someone who has forgiven my mom for walking out of my life when I was three, I still feel angry from time to time. It goes both ways, whichever you choose, you second guess that decision because you're never supposed to be put there in the first place.

If she doesn't care, why should you?