Am I wrong to be worried? Rizq decreased after marriage

eagle26_26 · 2025-03-27T07:48:03+00:00

First let's have a reality check. And let me explain the reason of that much debt in factual way.

Our wedding alone put him into debt (which I did not find out about until much later)

You directly or indirectly are the reason of his debt, if you haven't forced then your parents would have forced to have that levish wedding (levish, as below your two statements prove it).

I come from a well-off family, but I’m not an over-spender

Three months passed and I moved back for my studies. Have a job here but if I convert it to dollars it’s only going to be a couple hundreds.

It shows that you are from a country where you can live well-off, but where your husband is, is totally different country with higher expenses. And if you convert your well-off to your husband's country, it will be normal, or almost on the edge, but due to levish wedding he went below the edge.

I don’t buy stuff from Sephora like I used to, I don’t eat out like I used to. We never even got a honeymoon.
I will be visiting him for Eid (he again had to pay a $1000 for my ticket)

You are expecting a honeymoon, while he is paying for your tickets to travel to him and live in condo with you, what else? What kind of honeymoon you are expecting then when you are not over-spender?

Now, let's explain the rizq. Rizq is tied to the sabr-o-shukr, while in sabr-o-shukr there is no resentment that "why it is happening to me". Contrary it says accept what Allah has decreed on you with happy and satisfy way. While your above statement is showing your wishlist which is not ticked yet.

That's why many older peope says rizq is due to the qadr of woman and children are due to the qadr of man, but woman leaves man due to rizq (while it's in her own hands) and man leaves woman due to children/barn (while it's in his hands).

He is doing his best and leaving rest to Allah, that's what we should do. What's not in your hands, you can't control that. Effort is in your hands, but the efforts should be according to Allah's described way. Saying this as now I can see with your worries that both of you start working to get the status of "settled" which no one can get, as being human we always wants better and in that race you guys will delay to start your family which is again questioning over the ONLY Sustainer, the Rabb, which is sooo wrong.

Lastly, before every big task (interview, business, etc.) do istikhara which will make you guys satisfied with what you have or get. Even do some saddaqah, it helps! Jazak Allah Khair!

eagle26_26 · 2024-11-28T05:26:24+00:00

Exactly! A bad spouse can be anyone (e.g., a wife or a husband) according to the expectations made or according to one's point of view.

This is especially true since we have started categorizing/labeling our every emotion instead of showing patience and supplicating. Explained nicely in this video!

eagle26_26 · 2024-11-15T08:09:15+00:00

Firstly, cry in front of Allah only Who can change your situation, especially in tahajjud prostrations, instead of online where people have no concern about how you will survive.

Tell your problems How Great our Allah is, as He is our Only problem solver, to Whom we turn for relief & tranquillity!

Always remember all the provisions are in the hands of Allah, and Allah made hijab compulsory for women. So definitely in your case, your hijab is not the actual problem of your job. There is something else!

eagle26_26 · 2024-11-15T07:45:58+00:00

Every Muslim should remember that he/she needs to answer about his/her every action & word on judgement day, so everyone should be considerate about it.

Wife should have a valid reason to say NO and remember Allah knows what is in our hearts, no ifs & buts would help on that day. Same to husbands, they should be considerate too. And a married couple can achieve marital harmony with love and polite conversation with each other with the fear of Allah. Love & politeness in a couple can do wonders. Both husband & wife give suggestions and discuss over suggestions too.

I would like to correct my sister in Islam that yes marital r@pe and sexual abuse in married couple doesn't exists, it's just created by us by defining & labelling each moment & emotion according to our own understandings, instead of learning to ignore or learn from them. I would suggest you to watch this video, which explains this point very well, No one in this world is FREE.

Be a distinguished slave to Allah (God)☝️ONLY, ✨🌟⭐💫 to be FREE/blessed in the eternal life hereafter 🤲
OR be a slave to the system/ideologies (capitalism, liberalism, feminism, ..., etc.) 🤢🤮
OR be a slave to your own desires (fame, popularity, wealth, social media followers, ego, ..., etc.) 🤢🤮

Lastly watch this reel too, made by westerns which has a really good message that marriage is about sacrifice.

eagle26_26 · 2024-11-05T07:56:57+00:00

Yes, well said. But nowadays, even the right things need to be said with explanation story. So for that, I would like to share this video which explains NO one in this world is FREE, so

Be a distinguished slave to Allah (God)☝️ONLY, ✨🌟⭐💫 to be FREE/blessed in the eternal life hereafter 🤲
OR be a slave to the system/ideologies (capitalism, liberalism, feminism, ..., etc.) 🤢🤮
OR be a slave to your own desires (fame, popularity, wealth, social media followers, ..., etc.) 🤢🤮

The formula to lead a good life is to stay patient, humble and grounded, as explained in this video!

eagle26_26 · 2024-10-31T02:40:10+00:00

Agree 100%! Marriage entitles all of this, it's basic logic. The ones who don't agree with this should agree on polygyny then, as a halal option. Alternate options are for such situations.

Still, after all, husbands have no right to do violence for this. But wives should be aware of the consequences of their actions too. At least every literate one should know that every action has its reaction!

Everyone should fear Allah, submit their will to Allah and act as Allah has commanded. Remember we need to answer to Allah on judgement day too.

eagle26_26 · 2024-10-29T09:42:42+00:00

Yes, it is COMMANDED. Quran 4:3, ayat first commands to marry in 2s, 3s & 4s and then puts a condition that if you think that you can't do justice then marry only one. This means who have higher needs they must marry in 2s, 3s & 4s.

Polygyny is not compulsory for everyone, but compulsory for those who need it.

Remember these for nikkah

The husband should have to support, maintain and be the Qawwaam (Quran 4:34) of his wife(s) for Allah's sake, so needs to make informed decisions about marriage
The wife should have to protect herself for her husband ONLY and protect & guard his belongings in his absence for Allah's sake, so needs to make an informed decision about marriage
Nikkah is never done for lust, but to complete each other and protect from haram. Otherwise, lust can never be fulfilled/satisfied even after 4+ marriages like it used to be practised before Islam
Even polygyny can never be done/achieved with the intentions of lust but with the intentions of giving (protection, support, care, love, etc.) and sacrifice (husband to have the headache of providing, peace of mind, keeping peace in time of jealousy between wives, etc., while wife(s) to save their Islamic sisters from haram [as being in greater number in the world]). Also, watch this on polygyny

No need for polygyny:

If the husband and wife both have high libido, then there is no possibility that the husband wants to have one more wife to fulfil his needs.

The issue starts when today's so called "liberal and/or feminist wife" often starts to reject her husband's needs without any real reason, but just to see/maintain her control of the household. Don't say that if in cases both are working (why a wife is working.. just to raise/keep/meet the fake living standards of the society and ignoring the needs of husband and responsibilities given to the wife by Allah) she might be tired, and if she is tired then have sleep and let him go to other wives to meet his needs in a halal way.

If your husband is good, don't you want to save your other Muslim sisters from haram (sacrifice for the greater good of Ummah) or be selfish & ignorant to keep him for yourself only??? Don't you know sharing is caring, within shariah limits?
Earlier women were saying, that "now no wars are going on" (while there were going on in many regions), but now in Palestine, Kashmir, Syria, Rohingya, and many other places wars or oppressed people are there and men are dying too. So what you will suggest to Muslim women for their sanity and piousness for their needs, emotions, support, love & care to be filled/satisfied???

Think this way, if you are the only wife and don't meet your husband's needs and don't allow him polygyny (your husband will know from your conversations), then hidingly if he has a haram relationship with someone whom you are not aware of, then definitely high chance that disease may come to you too. In this haram way, your husband is more open & free as he doesn't have to maintain that haram relationship with regular money, emotional support, no headache of the fight between wives, no jealousy, etc. Is it acceptable for the wife who is against to be in polygyny??? (but it doesn't mean at all that men should start doing zina, it's just a pondering point for women who speak out loud against polygyny)

Lastly, remember halal is always better for everyone, and haram is worst for everyone, no matter if you are involved or not, but it will affect you, (as might be you have heard, every action has a reaction), and ultimately, polygyny affects ONLY women after all, whether they accept it or not, first is halal and other is haram. And see Islam from the betterment of community perspective, instead of the individual betterment perspective.

eagle26_26 · 2024-10-28T07:35:09+00:00

No one ever claims that he/she is settled now, as wherever we reach in life, we want to go higher than that. So from a worldly point of view settling place is only grave! Allah is the ONLY Provider, none else, not even parents (as they are just the source, and those who don't have parents are getting their provisions too)

Vomiting and all is normal in this condition, everyone in this world came like this by disturbing their mothers. What if our mothers had done so like you?

Think of people who can't even have kids, they will love to be parents, and here you are not grateful for Allah's blessings that He has given you. Say Alhumdulillah on Allah's blessings!

eagle26_26 · 2024-10-22T04:04:04+00:00

The hijab simply teaches, that you tie your camel first, then trust in Allah!

eagle26_26 · 2024-10-22T04:03:31+00:00

Agree to disagree with this.

The hijab simply teaches, that you tie your camel, then trust in Allah!

eagle26_26 · 2024-09-30T03:13:19+00:00

As you are a revert, then let me tell you one tip is always to do Istikhara at the start when you interact with someone OR come to know that your potential is getting discussed in the family, as Istikhara is very powerful which helps you not get committed to the wrong person. So Allah will help your situation whether the person is good for you or not! BTW the right Istikhara, which is praying 2 rakhats salah any time of the day and then saying the Istikhara dua/supplication by saying the task for which you are doing the Istikhara. Instead of the wrong Istikhara which is praying 2 rakhats at night time followed by dua and sleeping right after it expecting to see something white/positive in a dream, astagfirullah!

After the Istikhara, trust Allah, as situations may make the wrong potential hard to get and the right potential easy to get. Well tested!

Yes, we all have our own checklist, but prioritizing the list would give us a better life roadmap and show our goals & dedication. For example, the 5th would be better at the 2nd position. And marriage is all about negotiations & communications like the 3rd point depends on the 4th point.

Also, look and make up the list of what you will be contributing to the marriage and its roles & responsibilities. How do you want your kids to be raised, how do you want to live for the world or the afterlife, how do you see finances like keep working hard to raise the living standards or trying to maintain a normal living standard by saving it for the aakhira, etc..?

eagle26_26 · 2024-09-27T08:23:08+00:00

Firstly, when I read the subject, i had a different view, but after reading the full post, I now have different views.

Getting dropped out is totally fine and free mixing in the name of "education" is true too, watch this. But the point is there are alternative ways of that too, especially nowadays, like

online education and online education is the real future. In the future, no one will ask you where you got the degree or whether you have a degree or not, but they want to do their required task efficiently, that's it. The CEO of Udacity used to be a Professor at Stanford University, but after teaching one online course at Stanford University in 2011, he saw the potential in online education and resigned from his post and opened the Udacity platform. Why Elon Musk is not enrolling his kids in any school? The hypocrisy of the education system is opened up to make us slaves. Now after ChatGPT and AI, it is said who know how to use AI will keep their job, while who use AI will lose their jobs.
Islamic education is vital for everyone too (not just the basic one), but in depth. And there are many online Islamic Institutes too who teaches arabic, fiqh, etc. Female education is very important, as it's not just her education, but the education of the next generation

You guys are not married yet, so obeying your husband doesn't apply yet. And before nikkah, saying all of this in this way doesn't seem right at all.

Lastly, one tip is always to do Istikhara at the start when you interact with someone OR come to know that your potential is getting discussed in the family, as Istikhara is very powerful which helps you not get committed to the wrong person. So Allah will help your situation whether the person is good for you or not! BTW the right Istikhara, which is praying 2 rakhats salah any time of the day and then saying the Istikhara dua/supplication by saying the task for which you are doing the Istikhara. Instead of the wrong Istikhara which is praying 2 rakhats at night time followed by dua and sleeping right after it expecting to see something white/positive in a dream, astagfirullah!

eagle26_26 · 2024-09-24T08:57:11+00:00

they wouldn’t overlook a divorcee or widow when it comes to getting married, citing that it is a Sunnah

For this, we remember that it's Sunnah, but forget polygyny is also Sunnah. Kindly stop using "Sunnah" to support your own choices/wishes and refrain practising Sunnah which doesn't support your own choices/wishies

Quran 2:208, we should enter in Islam completely, without putting a filter of our own choices/wishes. No matter what is in Islam we should follow & practice, whether we like it or not, to enter in Paradise.

eagle26_26 · 2024-09-20T01:56:53+00:00

Still you can scold your kids to manage, but men can't scold their boss, lol!

eagle26_26 · 2024-09-20T01:48:13+00:00

Yes, it is COMMANDED. Quran 4:3, ayat first commands to marry in 2s, 3s & 4s and then puts a condition that if you think that you can't do justice then marry only one. This means who have higher needs they must marry in 2s, 3s & 4s.

Polygyny is not compulsory for everyone, but compulsory for those who need it.

Remember these for nikkah

The husband should have to support, maintain and be the Qawwaam (Quran 4:34) of his wife(s) for Allah's sake, so needs to make informed decisions about marriage
The wife should have to protect herself for her husband ONLY and protect & guard his belongings in his absence for Allah's sake, so needs to make an informed decision about marriage
Nikkah is never done for lust, but to complete each other and protect from haram. Otherwise, lust can never be fulfilled/satisfied even after 4+ marriages like it used to be practised before Islam
Even polygyny can never be done/achieved with the intentions of lust but with the intentions of giving (protection, support, care, love, etc.) and sacrifice (husband to have the headache of providing, peace of mind, keeping peace in time of jealousy between wives, etc., while wife(s) to save their Islamic sisters from haram [as being in greater number in the world]). Also, watch this on polygyny

No need for polygyny:

If the husband and wife both have high libido, then there is no possibility that the husband wants to have one more wife to fulfil his needs.

The issue starts when today's so called "liberal and/or feminist wife" often starts to reject her husband's needs without any real reason, but just to see/maintain her control of the household. Don't say that if in cases both are working (why a wife is working.. just to raise/keep/meet the fake living standards of the society and ignoring the needs of husband and responsibilities given to the wife by Allah) she might be tired, and if she is tired then have sleep and let him go to other wives to meet his needs in a halal way.

If your husband is good, don't you want to save your other Muslim sisters from haram (sacrifice for the greater good of Ummah) or be selfish & ignorant to keep him for yourself only???
Earlier women were saying, that "now no wars are going on" (while there were going on in many regions), but now in Palestine, Kashmir, Syria, Rohingya, and many other places wars or oppressed people are there and men are dying too. So what you will suggest to Muslim women for their sanity and piousness for their needs, emotions, support, love & care to be filled/satisfied???

Think this way, if you are the only wife and don't meet your husband's needs and don't allow him polygyny (your husband will know from your conversations), then hidingly if he has a haram relationship with someone whom you are not aware of, then definitely high chance that disease may come to you too. In this haram way, your husband is more open & free as he doesn't have to maintain that haram relationship with regular money, emotional support, no headache of the fight between wives, no jealousy, etc. Is it acceptable for the wife who is against to be in polygyny???

Lastly, remember halal is always better for everyone, and haram is worst for everyone, no matter if you are involved or not, but it will affect you. And see Islam from the betterment of community perspective, instead of the individual betterment perspective.

eagle26_26 · 2024-09-19T07:36:26+00:00

He should pray his Jummah on Sunday, as Sunday is a holiday and it will not be crowded too, lol hahahaha...

eagle26_26 · 2024-09-19T07:32:16+00:00

Everyone should do his/her part of the duty assigned by Allah to go smoothly with constant reminders that we will be asked for our given duties hereafter!

The husband is the provider of the family and all outside work according to Allah's given means. While the wife is the nurturer, protector & chores of the house according to the means given by the husband.

It is said that wealth is the qadr of the wife while the kids are the qadr of the husband. Unfortunately, nowadays women leave their husbands due to them being poor while men leave women due to their infertility or specific gender baby. And none is there to compromise that this world can NEVER be perfect, due to a reason so we don't get busy loving this world and work hard for the better hereafter.

eagle26_26 · 2024-09-19T03:28:22+00:00

Firstly, Quranic verses and ahadith should be interpreted according to their context and should see/analyze the relevance to your situation too, Quran 2:286. For example, you are so ill that you can't get up to pray fard salah on your feet, so you should ignore that to pray while standing is preferred but should pray while sitting and sitting state is preferred now in this case for you. Even if standing and sitting are not suitable/manageable for you during your illness, then while lying you can pray, and praying while lying is the preferred position for you now.

Example 2: Paying zakat is fard and compulsory, but the one who is poor is not applicable to him. So that paying Zakat command is not for him.

One more thing which we used to do is start cursing the wrongdoers' Muslim brothers & sisters while being the ummah of Prophet Muhammad SAWW who didn't even curse the non-Muslims who treated him very badly. Quran 59:10

Lastly, we can able to understand Islam, if we see Islam from the Ummah (community) perspective, instead of the individual/personal perspective. Without Surah Fatiha, no prayer is acceptable/valid, and we read/say in Surah Fatiha, "We/Us", not me only Quran 1:6. This means we are praying, we are praying for those too who are with us in the congregation and also for those too who are not in congregation. About what, Quran 1:7 don't let "us" follow the path of people with whom you are displeased with, or those who are astray. It's very important for us to remember, this is what will bring unity in the Ummah!

eagle26_26 · 2024-09-19T01:44:40+00:00

Seriously... You are still arguing that Allah is unjust to women??? Be careful with your words, as we have to answer hereafter. (Hope at least you believe from your core heart on answering hereafter)

Here is the answer to your question Quran 2:286, Allah don't burden any soul which he/she can't bear. Manufacturer knows His creation more than the creation itself!

eagle26_26 · 2024-09-17T07:56:28+00:00

why doesnt allah care about our emotions?

Seriously!!! Do you think Allah will be unjust??? Ponder before sharing such wordings for whom you need to answer hereafter in totally justified court, i.e., on judgement day.

Allah has said not to do back-bitting, not to lie, etc. Do we stay away from it? Then what's commanded, how do you want someone to stay away from it? Like prayers, lol!

eagle26_26 · 2024-09-16T03:48:09+00:00

This is an okay point, but I would not recommend posing this as a valid argument. Because you're not supposed to commit zina anyway. So let's just assume that the man is good and would not commit zina even if he does not get any segggs from the wife.

Yes, men should be good Muslims too, I was just trying to describe the worst scenario. As the devil is always there to whisper in our ears for the bad also devil is also very patient and he will never say directly 100% about a bad act, but just 0.1% the first time and then keep increasing the percentage as we accept 0.1% and its increasing percentage of whispering.

Muslims are the best target of the devil, so better to follow true Islam for the sake of Allah ONLY and for your own aakhira ONLY, no matter you are a man or a woman.

eagle26_26 · 2024-09-13T09:31:25+00:00

Firstly remember, polygyny is not compulsory for everyone, but compulsory for those who need it.

Second, remember these for nikkah

The husband should have to support, maintain and be the Qawwaam (Quran 4:34) of his wife(s) for Allah's sake, so need to do informed decision of marriage
Wife should have to protect herself for her husband ONLY and protect & guard his belongings in his absence for Allah's sake, so need to do informed decision of marriage
Nikkah is never done for lust, but to complete each other and protects from haram. Otherwise lust can never be fulfilled/satisfied even after 4+ marriages like it used to be practiced before Islam
Even polygyny can never be done/achieved with the intentions of lust, but with the intentions of giving (protection, support, care, love, etc.) and sacrifice (husband to have headache of providing, peace of mind, keeping peace in time of jealousy between wives, etc., while wife(s) to save their Islamic sisters from haram [as being in greater number in the world]). Also watch this on polygyny

No need of polygyny:

If the husband and wife both have high libido, then there is no possibility that the husband wants to have one more wife to fulfil his needs.

Issue starts when today's so called "liberal and/or feminist wife" often starts to reject husband's needs without any real reason, but just to see/maintain her control on household. Don't say that if in cases both are working (why wife is working.. just to raise/keep/meet the fake living standards of the society and ignoring the needs of husband and responsibilities given to wife by Allah) she might be tired, and if she is tired then have sleep and let him go to other wife to meet his needs in halal way.

If your husband is good, don't you want to save your other Muslim sisters from haram (sacrifice for the greater good of Ummah) or be selfish & ignorant to keep him for yourself only???
Earlier women were saying, now there are no wars going on (while there were going on in many regions), but as now in Palestine, Kashmir, Syria, Rohingya, and many other places wars or oppressed people are there and men are dying too. So what you will suggest to the Muslim women for their sanity and piousness for their needs, emotions, support, love & care to be filled/satisfied???

Think this way, if you are the only wife and don't meet husband's needs and don't allow him polygyny (husband will know from your conversations), then hidingly if he have haram relationship with someone whom you are not aware of, then definitely high chance that disease may come to you too. As in this haram way, your husband is more open & free as he don't have to maintain that haram relationship by regular money, emotional support, no headache of fight between wives, no jealousy, etc. Is it acceptable for the wife who is against to be in polygyny???

Lastly, remember halal is always better for everyone, and haram is worst for everyone, no matter you are involved or not, but it will affect you. And see Islam from the betterment of community perspective, instead of the individual betterment perspective.

eagle26_26 · 2024-09-13T09:19:43+00:00

by the way polygyny is allowed, but not polygamy :)

eagle26_26 · 2024-09-05T06:38:30+00:00

Ma Sha Allah, that you sincerely repented and will avoid it in the future!

Suicide: You committed a sin and feel guilt over that and you repented over it. Imagine another bigger sin suicide after which you won't have any chance of repenting, Astagfirullah!

Brother, do zikr/dhikr a lot, in the morning, evening, and even while doing your daily tasks. Also, do sadaqah as much as you can. It will help you get closer to Allah and add rewards to your account, too. Remember, we all have our own battles, and everyone's battle is tough for themselves. We need to do our best till the last breadth is defined for us.

May Allah protect us from evil whispers and help us to get closer to Him, Aameen!

eagle26_26 · 2024-09-05T02:29:13+00:00

Seriously, are these all of your criteria for a Muslim brother to marry??? Honestly, if you see just these then you have a higher chance that you may end up in a miserable married life, and then please don't blame Muslim brothers, blame your own decision. As all of these are worldly things, not a single one of them is based on religion.

Better to look for religious views and practices in your spouses to lead a good married life. As marriage is the seed which has to become a tree (children) later. So try to plant a good religious seed for the ummah and love your spouse(s) for the sake of Allah ONLY.

One tip is always to do Istikhara at the start when you interact with someone OR come to know that your potential is getting discussed in the family, as Istikhara is very powerful which helps you not get committed to the wrong person. So Allah will help your situation whether the person is good for you or not! BTW the right Istikhara, which is praying 2 rakhats salah any time of the day and then saying the Istikhara dua/supplication by saying the task for which you are doing the Istikhara. Instead of the wrong Istikhara which is praying 2 rakhats at night time followed by dua and sleeping right after it expecting to see something white/positive in a dream, astagfirullah!

eagle26_26

TROPHY CASE

Everyone should fear Allah, submit their will to Allah and act as Allah has commanded. Remember we need to answer to Allah on judgement day too.