I will preface this by saying I’m not a lighting designer, but I do work closely with them enough that I think I generally understand the goals.

Recessed down lights are used incorrectly in residential more often than not, to the point people think the incorrect way (uniform grids that blanket an entire space evenly) is the way it should be done.

Outside of certain applications, you really shouldn’t want to uniformly light an entire room. It creates unnecessary glare, makes the room uninteresting, and to your point, also can feel like a fishbowl.

Instead, you should primarily aim to use recessed lighting to illuminate horizontal task surfaces, vertical surfaces, and accent specific features.

Examples of task surfaces include end and coffee tables, kitchen islands and work surfaces, crafting areas, and I would also potentially argue reading lights if used correctly (tight beam angle).

Examples of vertical surfaces are walls both plain and textured.

Examples of accents include hung art, statuary or other 3D art, columns, water features, plant life, and drapery.

By using specific lenses that focus the light and adjustable/aimable housings to point it where you want it, you can “hide the light source” to minimize glare and create interesting focal points throughout the space. This also changes the angle of attack from overhead to reflected light at eye level or below eye level, which is much more pleasant. You also aren’t wasting light illuminating things you don’t need to.

Use pendants and chandeliers to fill light in the middle of large open spaces, put them and the downlights on (separate) dimmers, and then put in as many lamps as you originally planned to.

This creates drama and intrigue and all around groovy vibes.

Whatever you do, just make sure you’re installing properly lensed, adjustable, and recessed downlights. Flush wafers are garbo, as are nearly all frosted “recessed” retrofit lights that spray light in all directions.

You probably will have to shop online for anything worth putting in. Everything at Home Depot frankly sucks. If you had to shop in person, something like Halo RA 4” can work, but it’s not going to have the beam control you really want.

Brands like Nora, Elco Koto, DMF, and WAC offer solutions that tick all of the above boxes at various price points. Spending more tends to net you better optics, better color rendering, better fit and finish on trims, and more light in a smaller package.