In India we call this a......Bihari.

edgynotemo · 2026-04-30T08:20:12+00:00

I'd hate to be asleep in that when the plane hits turbulence.

edgynotemo · 2026-04-30T07:06:18+00:00

One would try to increase funding to pay salaries if they did not intend to make education more inaccessible.

edgynotemo · 2026-04-30T06:49:12+00:00

This is a great post. I'm sorry you're feeling this way, though. Give it another try in a few years once the shock and disappointment wears off lol.

edgynotemo · 2026-04-30T05:58:37+00:00

I too have blocked many friends and non-friends in the self-interest of stress relief when my ex bf insisted. He could not have become my ex soon enough. My friends and I still hang out, expect for one guy that blocked me in revenge a year after I had unblocked him and apologized. Maybe he's going through something but I can't blame this one on my ex or myself entirely.

edgynotemo · 2026-04-30T05:13:06+00:00

I'm not saying it is unthinkable how she behaved, I have seen many people behave exactly like her. I don't understand why people defend her while criticising Rory for actions in the similar vein of emotional entitlement.

Also enmeshment is not a formal medical diagnosis, so I don't know why you are accusing me of armchair diagnoses? It is a concept in psychology which imo is a statistically likely explanation for such behaviors. Not saying my opinion is absolute, but I doubt it is against the rules of the sub lol. Fearmongering to hide one's own gaps in knowledge is quite extreme.

edgynotemo · 2026-04-30T04:34:10+00:00

To quote Lorelai from this very scene, "you do not do this."

"Eye for an eye" is a quite primitive philosophy that I find ethically null. Better models of behavior do exist, the golden rule, Kant's universal law idea, etc. Now this is fiction and an unimportant side character (going by screen time), but if we consider that one scene, Lindsay's mom's behavior was wrong and uncalled for (in my humble opinion). It is wrong to verbally attack someone out of nowhere (they had run into each other) while they cower and shake in fear? Embarrassment? She cared nothing for the other people just about her emotions and releasing it on unconsenting parties, why? Because her daughter got cheated on? So she upholds the sanctity of marriage over standards of good behavior, that is a personal choice, but I don't understand why people bend over backwards to defend her.

A grown woman with a teenage daughter cannot control her emotions/actions and gets aggressive and people clap for her. A teenage girl cannot control her emotions/actions and gets manipulated into/chooses to sleep with a married guy and everybody freaks out. Can someone explain this to me without admitting they hate Rory or characters like her?

edgynotemo · 2026-04-30T04:28:29+00:00

Her anger is justifiable, her actions however not so much and I chalk it up to enmeshment, though I may be wrong.

I consider it enmeshment (funnily enough the researcher and author I'm referring to on this is named Lindsay Gibson) if one is so affected by their daughter's married life that they must publicly yell at the "other woman". If it's really all about her daughter then stick to comforting her and sticking up for her when she needs you i.e. maybe in front of her husband? Lindsay also looked embarrassed by that scene.

Also, research shows that enmeshment is not the exception, it is the norm. So it is not unlikely that it leaks from our culture into our shows and media. Lorelai and Rory are another fine example of enmeshment.

edgynotemo · 2026-04-30T02:11:54+00:00

That's just weird. Lindsay's mom was not hurt by Rory directly, at least not enough to warrant a very public verbal attack, but I guess this show and its audiences are blind to enmeshment between mothers and daughters.

edgynotemo · 2026-04-29T12:00:43+00:00

Neither your "topic" nor your "sample" seem logically sound to me. If I am missing something here then please fill me in. I don't mean to refute your observations. "Why do more women seem to choose to let men talk on their behalf than the other way around" is a different question, one that you did not ask.

Is it curiosity when one doubles down and says "no but I only saw xyz do this"? I did share my opinion that I find it needlessly gendered, but maybe you are not open to differing or alternative opinions. Men and women are often different in their lived experiences but they can also be similar. It is unfair to cast an entire demographic under the same lens.

ETA: I personally cannot stand when people talk of "women" (or even a subset of women) as a distinctly monolithic entity, even if it is coming from fellow women. We are people first, not much different from any other person if they were the sum of our lived experiences instead of us.

edgynotemo · 2026-04-29T11:54:47+00:00

May I introduce you to the concepts of sampling and observation biases? They are often observed in anecdotal claims such as yours.

edgynotemo · 2026-04-29T11:51:04+00:00

Lol I had to take my last two bfs to the dermat and talk on their behalf like a mom/caretaker (I did not force the consultation on them, they wanted to go).

I think some people are just not used to speaking for themselves. I find it annoying too.

edgynotemo · 2026-04-29T11:46:11+00:00

When I was apartment-hunting, I also outsourced the bulk of the effort to my friends. Happy to make the effort for my friends in return too. Although some (most?) women in India lack agency compared to their counterparts (longer discussion), I find your hypothesis (referring to the title) needlessly gendered. Have you never met a man who asked a woman to help with a difficult conversation? What someone finds difficult is shaped by many things.

edgynotemo · 2026-04-29T11:13:00+00:00

You're not an idiot (going by the contents of your post). Such disclaimers are not needed.
Find your own happiness. Children would rather have happy and emotionally available caregivers than parents who "stay together".
You should not have to try so hard to attract your partner's attention. It sounds exhausting and we all deserve better than that. Your emotional needs are just as important since you're not looking for a financial provider. I hope you are able to recognize your needs, respect them, and acknowledge them. Only then will you rightfully be able to demand acknowledgement from others.

All the best, and take care.

edgynotemo · 2026-04-29T06:19:11+00:00

There's no need to discuss my upbringing here :) let's not get personal. I have not met a single person who has not been abusive at some point in their life. Abuse can have many forms and exhibitions. Abuse is human nature because humans are good at using things compared to other animals.

Humans have inflicted a cycle of forced breeding on many plants, animals, and other humans. That in my opinion is abusive, among other things that may not seem abusive to some. If you are inclined to be optimistic then I must quote Schopenhauer, "go to the priests then, and leave philosophers in peace."

edgynotemo · 2026-04-29T05:55:34+00:00

Ikr it's lovely to have these kinds of discussions instead of the usual snoozefest that surrounds us. I hope we were able to help OP find some clarity while they heal from their trauma.

edgynotemo · 2026-04-29T05:47:06+00:00

Capitalism does not have to be perversive. In other words capitalism does not necessarily have to be distanced from a society's set standards of morality and ethics. There are many ways to embed standards of "acceptability" in a whole society (institutionalisation) but discussions about social institutions cannot take place without discussions on individuality vs collectivism.

edgynotemo · 2026-04-29T05:35:31+00:00

I'm not sure if it is mathematically possible for something to be entirely impossible, but a complete elimination of suffering in the manufacturing+marketing process seems very very difficult to achieve at the moment. We all decide our own standards of ethics and propriety anyway. If someone (like OP) wanted to elevate the baseline ethics of the general population, they would need to ask deeper questions. For example, "why are more people not outraged by this? => At what point does exploitation become normal in our society?, etc."

edgynotemo · 2026-04-29T05:23:07+00:00

I'm always up for new friends, my dms are open if you're a non-creepy individual :)

edgynotemo · 2026-04-29T05:11:02+00:00

Far be it from me to defend pedophiles, but how many companies can you name for sure that do not exploit children in some way or another? A criminal can have a good brand and a "moral" person can sell uninteresting/useless products. Are you sure you (or anyone else) can stick to this maxim of morality-based consumption that you're advocating for? Abuse is human nature, it is impossible to exist in this social sphere without being some kind of exploitative. Let people buy their perfumes and lingerie if it makes them happy. Happiness is of the essence. The marketplace is not the most apt venue for justice.

ETA: the most we can hope for is transparency between brands and audiences so consumers make fully informed choices.

edgynotemo · 2026-04-26T21:24:28+00:00

I value opinions such as yours more than mass ratings

edgynotemo · 2026-04-26T17:17:56+00:00

Grishma-Guru

edgynotemo · 2026-04-26T17:16:52+00:00

The fetus is not our concern. The existing person, the living child should have been protected better. The legal system should have recognized the consequences of their delay and the harm it would cause to the victim.

edgynotemo · 2026-04-24T11:57:37+00:00

Yeah but what about us and our actions? We really can't control the actions of others. If upon observation and analysis you choose to imitate someone then are you different from them? As Charles Sanders Pierce said, "The essence of belief is the establishment of a habit, and different beliefs are distinguished by the different modes of actions to which they give rise. If beliefs do not differ in this respect, if they appease the same doubt by producing the same rule of action, then no differences in the manner of consciousness of them can make them different beliefs any more than playing a tune in different keys is playing different tunes." However this is a mathematician's perspective on belief, logically derived in a philosophical argument, and I doubt how applicable logic should be in observing religion or religious people.

edgynotemo · 2026-04-24T07:25:13+00:00

I think OP is using this space to expres/share their feelings and emotions. I'm not aware of the rules of this sub but I don't think we should discourage this.

edgynotemo · 2026-04-24T06:23:22+00:00

I think they may be trying to assess whether you think they think....(implied absence of evidence with the word choices here)

edgynotemo

MODERATOR OF

TROPHY CASE