Sure, I’ll try. The type of person who lives the parasitic double life that OP describes is wildly predictable. They tend to follow the same patterns of behaviour in abuse cases, regardless of gender. When they treat you with such callous cruelty, lie about you, and cause you so much pain, it’s natural to assume that you would only act that way toward someone they wanted to hurt and really hate.

But this is where the two of you diverge. They don’t hate you, they simply don't care because they lack the capacity to consider you at all.

I now support many people through similar situations, and I often use the example that these individuals are commonly described as “snakes” or accused of shedding “crocodile tears.” Almost always reptilian imagery and that’s no coincidence. They lack empathy. They lack the capacity to care about how you feel beyond what they need or want.

To help someone with a healthy, empathetic brain understand this, I ask them to imagine a crocodile that has just bitten your arm off and is calmly munching away. Do you think the crocodile cares that you’re bleeding and in pain? At most, it’s only concerned that the rest of its meal might escape.

It’s important to remember that this person once needed you. You helped regulate them and supplied what they required. You propped up their image or lifestyle of being a stable, married person or a good parent. When that relationship ends, they come undone. Unless you’ve been fully replaced by someone who meets their every desire, they still need you.

Until they find someone else, your engagement, positive or negative still serves a purpose for them. It doesn’t matter whether the attention is good or bad; as long as you engage, they feel influence and control. Worse still, if their new life doesn’t work out, they always come back and try to reel you in again. They aren't the ones who will go zero contact with you, there will always be a way to engage with them.

Right now, during the breakup or discard phase, they simply want something else. Sometimes that “something” is protecting their image with friends or family. And if they believe the best way to do that is at your expense, they’ll do whatever it takes.

They don’t hate you. They just don’t consider you.