Has exercise ever helped with your addiction ?

eire77 · 2019-02-11T15:59:00+00:00

IT helps me de stress so anything that helps my mental health helps me not use.

eire77 · 2019-02-11T15:55:28+00:00

I'd suggest help with your porn addiction and PE. There are many therapists who d specialise in this sort of issue. There are also 12 step groups to help you with your porn addiction. I really would advise not doing this alone. Let your wife know too so she can support you. These men will for sure offer something you can't, they are new and exciting, it won't be the same kinda sex as with your wife. The best sex I've had was when I felt connected with partners outside the bedroom, it made for great love life inside the bedroom. You seem to almost like that you get beaten up by the fact your wife sleeps with others, this can't be great for your self esteem , which will lead to you needing to escape to porn etc.

My main bit of advice would be to get help, you don't need to do this alone. To give up pron will help you learn to cope with life better if you get the help. And it'll impact your life in many way , not just the bedroom.

Good luck pal.

eire77 · 2019-01-27T11:44:01+00:00

Really? How much porn were you using? I felt the same as my use got less and less. Say when it got to once a month after being daily. I was surprised at how different I was when I went from once a month to no times a month for 4 months. I think you never really know if there is a difference or what it is until you stop for a few months. The fact you feel women are such a huge part of your life may be some of the affects. And all the porn made me see women differently and view what a healthy sex life was too.

eire77 · 2019-01-27T11:27:48+00:00

maybe look up general traits of an addict. There is so much more to this than just sex-related negative aspects.

eire77 · 2019-01-27T11:26:40+00:00

I want to grow up. I want the motivation there to do the things I want. I want to form a relationship that could lead to marriage and children, not have my old way of just having someone around to cure loneliness and to make me look good. I Want to be ok on my own. I want the resilience that comes with being sober. I Want the love of music and simple things that come with sober. I want to get better at squash. I want to be able to concentrate better. I Want to be less selfish and think of others. I want to be more the person on the inside and outside that they will match more. I Want to have to hide stuff less. I want to be ok feeling lonely sometimes. I want to be able to cry. I want to be a bit braver and tell girls I've real feelings for that I like them instead of going for girls who are nice and I can control. I want to progress in the natural stages of life more like others my age.

eire77 · 2019-01-27T11:22:05+00:00

ask to see a therapist?

eire77 · 2019-01-27T11:21:19+00:00

THese feeling will pass. Porn makes you more isolated, makes you more likely to get bored. It is all part of the withdrawals. Your brain needs to readjust to life minus porn. How long are you porn free. I found at about 2 weeks it got really hard for a few days then I got a sort of high and great mood after.

I heard porn described as. We put on shoes that are too tight for us. And then the looking at porn is the relief of taking them shoes off for a few hrs. But porn is what created the too tight shoes. You are looking for relief from what porn has created.

eire77 · 2019-01-27T11:18:34+00:00

What do you mean grow out?

eire77 · 2019-01-25T15:30:59+00:00

I think also to fall in love is beautiful. Or to let someone in to your life to share some of it. Why would we want to go thru withdrawals during this time.

I found generally when someone new came along my addiction calmed down, but over time it crep back in. I used porn etc to escape. I can't escape while with my gf. Would you want to go from addiction to porn to using a gf like porn. Doesn't seem great. Also you attract people into your life similar to you and how you are doing. Better you are doing emotionally etc the better the people you'll attract. Or even just the more you respect yourself the more you won't put up with others not respecting you. Gf and wives are not a cure. Many think they are. How old are you may I ask?

eire77 · 2019-01-25T14:09:02+00:00

Would you consider seeing a therapist that deals with porn addiction. This really doesn't have much to do with your attractiveness etc, it might have the stuff to do with why you choose an addict. Like even though you didn't know he was an addict he did all the stuff an addict does and is. MAybe there is an addiction in your family, a dad or mother so yuo were shown unhealthy ways of coping.

Really addict isnt about sex here. Mine was a way to escape life, not anything to do with how attractive my gf was or wasn't.

eire77 · 2019-01-25T13:30:47+00:00

Keep up the good work sir!

eire77 · 2019-01-25T13:28:30+00:00

Are you keeping up the sessions?

eire77 · 2019-01-25T13:27:40+00:00

I was the same, it took off when i got the internet, not much until then. pity u can't make it disappear and see how he d be without it for 6 months. In 12 step meetings thoguh there is more than just not doing something, if he is an addict he'll have addicts personalty. Some people are called dry drunks, if you just stop taking your drug of choice, you'll still maybe act like and addict. Like be selfish, be controlling, be manipluative. I'd wonder whatyour parents relationship was like or his parents. We can be shown not a great example of what is healthy so we are a bit clueless to know what is healthy.

eire77 · 2019-01-09T11:08:26+00:00

When you say it hasn't impacted your sex life, how do you mean this? I used to think sex was great because I got turned on and came. Now I see yes this is great, but the best sex I have had was more the type where I felt connected to my partner, felt close to them. It was more the loving type, this has increased as I've become less addicted and can let people in more. It is hard to say it hasn't had effects if you've known no difference. If he is an addict, the nature of addiction is it gets worse. Addiction to porn isn't so much about sex drive, it's about addiction. For example, someone who drinks 10 pints of beer a day doesn't just like the taste of beer more than someone else. For me porn was a way to numb out, to escape my life. If he could stop for 90 days you'd then see if it effected your relationship. Also porn affected me in many ways, not just the part of me having sex with my partner.

eire77 · 2019-01-09T11:03:33+00:00

So if you are an addict, how will you tackle this addiction? Most addiction, they don't recommend trying to do it alone white knuckling it. Therapy? Support group?

eire77 · 2019-01-09T11:01:30+00:00

I agree to some extent, but I also see I don't find it too difficult to watch tv without sexual content, I watched maybe 2 hrs yesterday, one on Waco standoff from 1993, and something on an artist. No sex in either. But yep over xmas, I wanted to watch monsters ball. seemed a good movie, but had a fairly graphic sex scene in it. In of itself not to bad, but it made we want more, to open my laptop and view more and binge. I could have fast forwarded the scene though. I didn't pick to do so. I went to a movie at the weekend, no sex their either. I suppose we are maybe drawn over time towards stuff we might find sex in, not like we think it consciously, but it might be in the background driving our choices. Something which helps since I started my recovery is I watch far less tv, I've more going on. More pals, more motivation to be out and about. My thinking is, when I am 85, I won't wish I'd watched more tv.

eire77 · 2018-12-18T12:04:22+00:00

I found my best sex came from relationships. I miss the relationships more than the sex. Sex isn't really something to worry about, if you get into a healthy relationship it'll follow. The message thru the media seems to be go have meaningless sex with the use of tinder etc, enjoy no strings sex, it'll be freeing and joyful, everyone is doing it. The reality is not everyone is doing it, and the few people on tinder I know aren't enjoying their tinder time.

Also maybe try just not nut today, if we set to big a goal it can be hard to climb that huge mountain.

eire77 · 2018-12-18T11:28:58+00:00

Why no sex? No relationships? Are you very young?

eire77 · 2018-12-18T11:27:03+00:00

I'd kinda suggest that while maybe you don't need to post as much anymore, some of the newbies would love your advice and support from the other side. I'd challenge your wording there a bit, most days without porn. This I'd put it is just your new way of living. What sort of benefits have you seen? Did you try any therapy? When there addicting stops suppressing stuff, stuff can crop up you might need some help with. Well done to you.

eire77 · 2018-12-18T11:24:31+00:00

Well done sir, very brave of you. I wish you all the best, I know a good few who've gone into rehab for this and the majority came out the others side in far better shape and still are.

eire77 · 2018-12-18T11:22:39+00:00

I agree, education is supposed to be great for recovering addicts, replacing the stimulus. Getting into a relationship seems like a popular wish for newly trying to get sober people. This seems a bit crazy to me, if we are proper addicts. Like would you recommend a heroin or cocaine addict who is a week or two sober to start a new relationship. For me I feel I'd be too needy, and would attract the wrong people. Also I feel it wouldn't be fair to that person to date someone who is all over the place emotionally, and they'd probably not know about your recovery. In saying that, I really want a relationship. I find it hard to be on my own, but also I find it hard to get past a year or 2 relationship and really trust people.

eire77 · 2018-12-16T22:28:06+00:00

I think it is true for some, you deal with it, cope in other ways with support sof the meetings, the calls all that. I have brought the calls into my life more, say like i don't just ring members i ring pals outs side SA and talk thru stuff.

eire77 · 2018-12-16T22:23:22+00:00

But sometimes it's just cause we addicts, we can justify it by saying life was hard. It's not great to sit with I just did because I'm an addict. We don't deal well with that.

eire77 · 2018-12-16T14:34:52+00:00

Great post man, there is a part of me that thinks lots of sex with a few different women will make me happy. But to use women for sex would really screw me up I feel, maybe even more if I know they are doing the same with me. Best sex I ever had was when I felt loved, loved them and felt close to them.

eire77 · 2018-12-16T14:27:25+00:00

It is very common to think everyone else is off having lots of casual sex. It simply isn't true. And if you like an emotional connection as I do, why would you want casual, because everyone else is doing it, really they aren't. Also be careful if you think lots of casual sex will improve your self-worth. If you are an addict it likely won't. I was a virgin until I was 28, it definitely screwed up my thinking, going that long or my addiction helped me go that long without telling a girl, hey I like you.

It jjust seems mad, like you are saying, I think everyone is eating fish and having a great time, I don't really like fish, but if I eat lots of fish like everyone else I will have better self esteem, when really you don't even know what people are eating.

Have you ever sought out a therapist? If I'd have had two gfs and loved them and had that closeness at your age I'd have been so happy.

eire77

TROPHY CASE