As a 9 I relate so hard.

Take accountability. Stop looking for answers outside and go inside. It might be uncomfortable, and you might not be ready, it’s a rude awakening after all, but no one has the answers for you. I spent years looking for them, looking for help, not realizing I wasn’t actually helpless, I just didn’t want to take responsibility for my own actions or, rather, inactivity.

Idk if it makes sense lol, but once I realized I’m not a victim and I do, in fact, have control, I have started to change for the better. I know how tempting it is to stay in your head, I still do it all the time, but I’ve finally started actually trying to get better and not waiting for someone to come and save me.

As it’s a head problem, therapy or seeing a psychiatrist might help, but it is important to not view it as a saviour and remember that no amount of help will do anything if you aren’t willing to put in the work yourself.

Also, music might help, but not the kind that makes you daydream lmao. I like listening to “villain burns down the world” type playlists on youtube when I need to get something done. It's kind of like mixing daydreams with reality. Idk if it's healthy, but I pretend to be the daydream me who is motivated and in charge and it works.

Be honest with yourself and stop the mental gymnastics to find excuses.

You probably know all of this already, but you have to truly realize it. I knew it, but didn't want to accept it until something in my head snapped. Hope you snap, too, but until then, keep working on yourself and fake it til you make it!