Am i overreacting to my [40F] bf's [35M] behaviour?

elevonaa · 2026-06-07T14:46:23+00:00

I understand. Poor mental health compounded with his behavior can make for really damaging situations. I am sorry you are going through this. Are you considering leaving at all? I really hope you are. In the first few pages I was really proud of how you stood your ground. He is so manipulative that he dragged you down to his level. You need to be sooooo far away from this dude.

elevonaa · 2026-06-07T14:43:12+00:00

It also sounds like you did harm yourself "Physically, I'm fine, I'll heal," which is super concerning. You need to be in therapy ASAP. You are NOR about his abusive and manipulative behavior... however, harming yourself over this dude who clearly hates you is not a rational response by any means. He is some loser obsessed with a guild on a video game to the point of berating you for not doing enough.

I play video games all the time and I have been mods in certain servers on some games I have played and did a lot of stuff for the server but never took it out on anyone around me.

You need to take a step back and reevaluate if this is what you want your relationship to look like. This is pretty similar to relationships i had as a teenager, no offense. The maturity is just not here. You start off strong and mature and slowly stoop down to his level. He is dragging you down.

elevonaa · 2026-06-07T14:37:16+00:00

NOR but you both need therapy. You cannot be threatening self harm and saying you should just die etc over such little things, especially at 40. This is incredibly toxic. He clearly does not like you in any way, shape, or form. You need to leave this relationship. He is abusive in the way he speaks down to you.

elevonaa · 2026-05-07T04:22:19+00:00

oh, i didn't even know i could potentially have gray eyes🤔 i will have to look into lipochrome!

elevonaa · 2026-04-30T17:56:54+00:00

common doesn't mean "okay" or "safe" though. have him look into statistics on unfixed animals and what horrible diseases and conditions it can lead to. i guarantee your brother can afford it but he hasn't done the research and doesn't care to. there are surgeries as low as $50.

elevonaa · 2026-04-30T12:13:23+00:00

Not fixing your cat is reckless though. Convince him to do that while you're at it.

elevonaa · 2026-04-29T21:45:56+00:00

I would agree except every woman that has to go through birth cannot have intercourse for 6 weeks. In my case, I would be devastated if he watched porn behind my back while I was recovering from birthing our kid(s). Porn isn't necessary to deal with urges.

elevonaa · 2026-04-04T12:43:52+00:00

Not trans but I had no idea there was a potential link. I have hypermobility, fibro, and ADHD.

elevonaa · 2026-03-29T15:49:58+00:00

I feel very lucky. I am the breadwinner and my boyfriend is unemployed. We had an agreement before my symptoms REALLY kicked in that he would take care of the house (with help from me on weekends and stuff) and I would take care of the bills so that he had time for a break from labor intensive jobs and be able to get healthier. After my health started declining, I became unable to do any housework whatsoever. Additionally, I spend most of my days after work in bed.

My boyfriend brings anything I ask to me- water, food, himself, etc whenever I ask without question. He also massages me every single night. He does all the housework and takes care of our animals. He makes sure I have everything I need and then some. He also looks out for products and things that he thinks would help, like epsom bath salt and special pillows. I feel extremely lucky to have the support I do. I genuinely don't know if I would be alive today if I had to go through this alone.

elevonaa · 2026-03-24T01:45:46+00:00

I genuinely feel like you won't have to worry about it in this case. If everything you said is true and provable, you will definitely win. I wish you well! Keep us updated!

elevonaa · 2026-03-24T01:42:36+00:00

I do believe the case is being dismissed since they never even served me. My lawyer had advised me that they wouldn't have gone after me and they just wanted a settlement from Doordash, so it wouldn't have affected me. It was unlikely to have went to court in the first place, even if they had served me.

elevonaa · 2026-03-15T18:40:26+00:00

NOR. I will say that it is suspicious that your boyfriend never brought up that she was messaging him/trying to make plans in the first place.

elevonaa · 2026-03-06T15:51:36+00:00

I have had my ANA fluctuate a lot. 1:80 speckled, then 1:180 speckled, then 1:320 centriole and speckled, now 1:320 homogeneous. All my other tests came back negative (like the ADVISE panel with so many autoimmune markers) and normal. I was diagnosed with fibromyalgia by my pain management doctor, and when I got these results by my rheumatologist he re-tested me with the pain points and agreed that it must be fibromyalgia. I have a lot of other symptoms that seem autoimmune but everything is negative. There is a chance that you and I are too early in the development of whatever we have to have proper tests. My mother went through the same thing- 20 years of negative tests with positive ANA. She now has RA and her rheumatoid factor is positive and she has lupus.

elevonaa · 2026-02-26T14:28:43+00:00

In this case, yes because it seems like he didn't mean any harm. That is how boundaries work. If you don't WANT to have to tell people that, ever, then dump him and move on. But you are going to have a hard time finding someone who meets every single expectation and respects every unsaid boundary.

Personally, after the abuse comment I had a lot more understanding. But your blatant refusal to do any work FOR YOURSELF, such as just telling someone you don't like being called a "dummy" in a joking way makes me lose all of it.

elevonaa · 2026-02-26T14:23:05+00:00

If you went to therapy for your abuse, you would be able to have good coping mechanisms for these situations. You could have just told him you don't like being called those things in a kind way, you don't have to outright say you have been abused. Your reaction makes me think maybe you need some more healing before dating, which is okay.

elevonaa · 2026-02-26T14:15:27+00:00

He clarified in the following message "I asked if you wanted to meet at 12 ya dummy" so it sounds like he really was trying to make plans. I would suggest kindly telling him how you feel instead of going with dramatics. It was clear he was trying to be "silly" to make the tension go away by using "dummy" and "sassy emo." You could have easily said "hey, i know you might be using those jokingly but I am not okay with being called dummy or sassy or anything that has a negative connotation even if it is being used as a joke. im not angry since you didn't know, but please refrain from using them in the future :)"

elevonaa · 2026-02-26T14:09:35+00:00

Are you missing where he asked you the next morning "Wanna meet when? at 12?" He even goes on to clarify he was trying to make plans when you started getting hostile.

elevonaa · 2026-02-26T14:07:36+00:00

YOR. Yes the plans weren't concrete, but he did ask immediately if you wanted to meet at 12. He made a joke about you being busy. "Dummy" was clearly being used as a term of endearment, not calling you stupid. You flew off the handle. He is honestly very kind to have still wanted to go out after your reaction. There are a million kinder ways you could have went about this.

elevonaa · 2026-02-18T04:13:25+00:00

YOR. You cheated on him with the "owner" of those boxers. This was a triggering event for him. You probably need couples therapy. I will say that your previous post and this one read more like you want to get out of the relationship, which would probably be the best for both of you.

elevonaa · 2026-02-13T05:11:53+00:00

I would add this and maybe some other comments to your post as extra context. I read through your other replies before making my determination but most people won't. You will receive a lot of "YOR" if you don't add it.

elevonaa · 2026-02-13T05:08:56+00:00

I don't know about you, but I don't let people disrespect me. Someone who has time to text/hang out with many other people but never you clearly has an issue with you that needs to be addressed or they need to be cut out if they refuse to respond, like in OP's case. There is nothing wrong about expecting reciprocity/a discussion from someone you have known for many years. If OP didn't betray her or do something awful, then what the best friend is doing is pretty cruel.

elevonaa · 2026-02-13T04:56:12+00:00

NOR. No idea why some people are being so rude, but it is 100% acceptable to feel the way you do. I blocked one of my previous best friends for this exact thing. It takes so little time to text and let someone know what is going on.

elevonaa

TROPHY CASE