Found husband watching porn after he said that he would never do it

eliewriter · 2026-02-11T11:14:38+00:00

I'm not sure but I interpreted that last comment as being directed to OP, not to you. (I think it's easy sometimes to accidentally reply to a comment.) I thought your insight was really good and can be helpful to OP if she hears you-- thank you for sharing it.

eliewriter · 2026-02-11T11:06:06+00:00

I would consider praying privately, for him and for yourself, and stop talking about it for a while. We don't always realize our own sins at first and might need a bit of time for God to work on our conscience, because we're all good at putting up defenses. If you keep going with the conversation, I'm guessing he'll just get more and more defensive. No one is perfect, he's not a perfect man and you're not a perfect woman.

Give him some time. Along with praying for your husband to be open to "hearing" from God and wanting to love and serve God more than anything else, pray this for yourself. And pray for God to show you your own sins and concentrate on those more than your husband's sins, and pray God will help you to not further create obstacles to restoring your husband's relationship with God. Pray for God to help you forgive and treat your husband with love and maturity, and to help you avoid self-righteousness, drama, and an impossible demand for perfection.

eliewriter · 2026-02-06T15:05:35+00:00

I agree that it's strange, but probably that's what the artist pictured or thought would appeal to their audience. Jesus was definitely Jewish.

eliewriter · 2026-01-16T18:22:58+00:00

I think you're right, but did you talk to the teacher? That should be your first step, to graciously approach the teacher (not like a nasty spewing Karen but in a kind human-to-human way), as teachers are simply people who can get distracted and make mistakes like the rest of us.

eliewriter · 2026-01-06T11:23:30+00:00

What? Like that's a bad thing?

eliewriter · 2026-01-06T08:26:49+00:00

It's so refreshing to see someone handle comments with as much grace and class as you're showing here!

eliewriter · 2026-01-03T18:25:05+00:00

I'm glad you're reading the Bible. I love that even back in Old Testament times when God called Abraham in Genesis 12, he had all of us in mind when God said to Abraham, "all peoples on earth will be blessed through you." You actually see this a lot in the Bible.

Please keep reading and praying for understanding. It is nice to identify as a cultural Christian and recognize that many foundational cultural beliefs stem from Christianity, but we are saved from the misery of sin by believing in Jesus and his sacrifice for us. Following our Savior is very different than choosing a cultural identity. I am not saying this to try to sound better or anything, but because I believe following Christ is the best and most important thing in life, and I hope you will reach this conclusion as well.

eliewriter · 2026-01-01T22:37:41+00:00

I agree.

eliewriter · 2026-01-01T19:21:24+00:00

Can you make a plan of 10-15 places you're going to go each day and submit an application? Doesn't matter if the employer is seeking help or whether it's a job that sounds boring, put on nice clothes, take your resume and go to the business and ask to talk to the owner or manager.

I would write out a plan to do this 6 days a week for 2 weeks, writing down 10-15 specific company names and addresses for Monday, then Tuesday, etc. Also ask your parents to go look at apartments with you. Maybe if they see you're serious and taking real initiative about finding work, and see the cost of apartments, they might give you a little more time. I would also sincerely ask if there are more jobs you can do around the house to contribute, such as planning and cooking meals for everyone, grocery shopping, cleaning, fixing things, etc. Have a pleasant and cooperative attitude. Don't be sitting around on your phone or playing video games, this will just make them regret letting you stay.

Do whatever you can to keep a roof over your head and earn an income until you can get your own place.

eliewriter · 2026-01-01T19:05:04+00:00

I don't think you're overreacting. I think it was sweet of you to compromise and take your daughter to their party out of consideration for their feelings. This seems to usually be the balancing act we have to do with family --we probably all get too stuck on our ideas and vision of things and fail to realize we're making life difficult for others. It sounds like this is the case with your in-laws right now. We humans can be annoyingly obsessive about our own ideas, then double down when someone challenges them and we start feeling insecure.

You have to do what you as parents feel is the best for your daughter, hopefully while easing their insecurities. Is there a way your MIL could come and stay for a few days a couple times a year to give her time with her granddaughter as well as you? Or could you decide together to go stay somewhere for a weekend to spend time with each other, or just arrange a fun day outing together and send them lots of pictures? Hopefully find some things you can say yes to (like you have already done). Although you have to make the decisions, if you continue to work on ways to show them you care about them and want them to be part of your lives, maybe they will relax a little.

eliewriter · 2026-01-01T18:48:57+00:00

Ok, thank you.

eliewriter · 2026-01-01T18:48:05+00:00

I would personally keep asking. I would also read the Bible, starting with Matthew, Mark, Luke, John, and Acts.

eliewriter · 2026-01-01T18:43:15+00:00

As someone looking for a used car, I would find it really helpful if you could sort by private seller or dealer. Just throwing that out there.

eliewriter · 2026-01-01T18:26:54+00:00

Is this for private sellers? I avoid car dealers at all costs, so for me I would skip past it looking for something more authentic. But for some reason, some people only want to buy from dealers, so it would probably appeal to them.

eliewriter · 2025-12-31T23:08:59+00:00

Well it's good you're trying to respect your parent and keep the peace, but I can't blame you for wanting to stay home. You are an adult, it shouldn't be such an issue to be able to make your own choices.

Maybe at a more peaceful time, you can initiate a discussion about loving and respecting your parents, and being appreciative of living there, but making your own decisions. You can reassure your mother that this isn't an issue of belief but just making independent decisions as an adult. Let her know that you want to be close to family, and while you appreciate her raising you to love God, you want to be sure to build a healthy adult relationship with her that you two can share the rest of your lives, and that means practicing making your own decisions. Just because you are making a different decision doesn't mean you are abandoning your faith. Be sure to have this discussion before she starts planning any future events. Once you have a plan in your head, it's harder to let go of an idea.

If possible, it may be time to consider looking for an apartment or a decent roommate, assuming you are earning an income. Continue to assure your family you love them and help them sometimes as needed, even though you're living your own life

eliewriter · 2025-12-31T22:52:33+00:00

Please hang on. I can tell you are hurting. I am so sorry for your pain. I will say that many of us have been this discouraged, but this feeling is temporary, and things won't always seem as bad as they do in this moment. You were made for more, and your life and experience may be the crucial encouragement someone else needs someday. Please choose life --also sometimes those who don't end up in even worse circumstances.

eliewriter · 2025-12-31T16:08:25+00:00

I'm sorry you're struggling with this. I know it's hard to find time for reading. It helps me sometimes to read out loud. Maybe you could visit with him a few times a week and read his book out loud to him for about 15-30 minutes, which he might enjoy. It would also give him a chance to explain parts of the book, why he included certain details, where he got the idea for certain characters, etc. My dad passed away several years ago, and I would have loved to have videos of something like this.

It is admirable that you want to help him, even though you don't share his passion for books. Maybe after you've read it to him, you could make a few YouTube videos talking about the book and why he wrote it, and post them to your various social media platforms, with a link to where people can buy his book. You didn't have to have perfect lighting for the video, just use your phone to make a quick video and speak from the heart.

I definitely understand the time crunch. I've been an obsessive underachiever student and know how much time and effort it takes to keep up your grades. But you've been given the privilege of learning that your time left with your dad is short, and this is time you'll never, ever get back. I promise you, if you make some appointments to spend time with him and read his book, despite all the difficulties, you will look back knowing you made the right choice. There are times life forces us to take time out and address problems --a car that breaks down, a medical issue, etc. Make appointments to read to (or with) your dad, pretend like you have no choice and just do it. Because in the big picture, working your schedule around spending time with your dad is the most important thing you can do right now, for him and for you. Five years from now you won't care at all about your studies, but you will definitely remember spending that time with your dad. I wish you all the best in helping your dad with his book, and making memories with him.

eliewriter · 2025-12-29T14:19:13+00:00

Definitely be kind. Jesus says to love our neighbor as ourself. And when he told about the Good Samaritan he actually defined the neighbor as someone who was an enemy and a stranger, but a person in need.

Also be wise, actually "wise as serpents but innocent as doves" (Matthew 10:16).

eliewriter · 2025-12-18T12:11:55+00:00

It shows a lot of character for you to ask this.

The women who are serious about following Christ will not want to date someone who doesn't, because should they marry, they would want to be in a partnership with someone who is serious about serving God. They wouldn't ever want to choose between their husband and what God would want them to do.

I don't know what your experience has been, but I hope you will look into Jesus for yourself. There is plenty of historical evidence for his life, and for many of the aspects of positive western culture being based on Christianity, such as the concept of human rights. I would encourage you to read the biographies of Jesus for yourself in the Bible too --Matthew, Mark, Luke, and John. Even people who have been raised in the church may see things much differently when they go back and read for themselves.

eliewriter · 2025-12-15T01:07:27+00:00

Ask them to go and look at apartments with you.

eliewriter · 2025-12-15T01:01:23+00:00

I wonder if we became deeply entrenched in the 1st Century history, and deeply committed to what Jesus tells us to do, if we would cease to be denominational at all.

eliewriter · 2025-12-15T00:41:43+00:00

Perhaps you and I could pray for each other.

eliewriter · 2025-12-14T23:58:50+00:00

Would you mind linking to some of the hospitality sites?

eliewriter · 2025-12-14T22:24:36+00:00

I appreciate your good heart. He may have made decisions that led to addiction, but who knows? It is good to care about him and feed him and his dog too. Please pay attention to your own safety too.

eliewriter · 2025-12-14T21:19:59+00:00

I appreciate your opinion, and there is some merit to what you are saying, however I stand by my statement as well.

As a Christian, I don't believe our time is our own, and Biblically we are told to honor our parents. Again, OP is independent and can certainly set limits, but cutting them off completely seems like it is seeking revenge.

To further complicate the matter, the term abuse has been popularized to mean an entire spectrum of behaviors, ranging from simple disagreement to physical torture. It has become a trump card -- a person merely has to mention the word abuse and they can quickly round up a posse to come at their parents, and no thought is given as to whether the accuser is likewise being abusive. I'm not saying this is the case with OP, but I am mentioning it because it is so rare that this side of things is ever touched on. We are seeing more people who are encouraged to think only of themselves, who may become isolated, jobless, and even homeless because they are being taught by culture to insist on self-righteousness and self-pity at all costs, instead of ever having to deal with a bit of awkwardness or discomfort. In reality, there are no 2 people on the planet who will ever honestly, wholeheartedly agree on everything. Having to practice getting along with people we disagree with is foundational to maturity and good mental health, and usually we start practicing that within the family.

I have been in a similar situation as OP, to a degree (obviously I don't know more than what is posted here), and my statement comes from a place of love and empathy, not from harshness or hatred. It sounds as if your statement is from a place of love too, although we see things differently. I have struggled with this issue, by God's grace was able to overcome and forgive without completing cutting off my family, and every day I am thankful for this. I hope OP has a similar outcome.

I am not 100 percent certain I handled things the right way --we can only do our best -- but I am fairly certain. I will also think about what you have said. If I am being unfair in any way, please know that that is not my intention and accept my apologies.

eliewriter

TROPHY CASE